Wondering about my Wanderings

phone home

I think there is a quote from ET that talks about phoning home. I had the most emotional experience that I can remember when I went to retrieve a phone that was not being used from my daughter.

I was divorced in 2002. Julie was only thirteen at the time. Nothing felt so awful. The only way to assuage the awful feeling of loss was to get Julie a cell phone and pay for it. If nothing else, I wanted her to know that I wanted to stay in touch. This lasted for about ten years. There were times she lost her phone and I would always would get her a new one without complaining. I was just glad for out times to talk together on the phone. I will never forget the thousand of text messages she would do in a month. Those were the good old days.

A few years ago there was a change. I could not afford tmobiles rates and it made more sense to change to Sprint since that was my wife's carrier. It was not more then ten months later that she took a smart phone from her mom, because that made more sense. Julie took the phone very reluctantly and held on to the sprint phone even though she did not use it.

My wife Sharon was wanting the phone back and made that clear to me on numerous occasions. We saw Julie last night. She will be headed to Iowa in August which seems a million miles away. Nothing felt worse than taking the Sprint Phone from her. I had no idea I was so emotionally connected. I must of cried an ocean. Sharon kept trying to sort out what was wrong. I wept for forty minutes and could not be consoled. I know only one thing. My love for my daughter runs real deep. I hate to think anything I would do might disconnect us. As she gets ready for Iowa, I am considering a position in Wichita. Letting go is the hardest thing a dad can do. In the mean time Sharon has laid claim to Julie's old phone (the one she gave me). It feels like my own wife is betraying me. Healing takes time.