Wondering about my Wanderings

Church

It was a day to meditate on what church means for me. I spent time speaking to my sister about what is going on with my mother. This was sandwiched with time at church and with my friend trying to better understand what church means for me.

One of the things that has been very apparent for me is that my boring security job has allowed me to think about who I am and what I want to do about it. I went to church and found myself leafing through scriptures that I will preach on in a few weeks. My singing voice is starting to come back some and I feel connected to the service. I see in the art of preaching a call to relive days of youth where my call to preach began. I was straddling the fence between being a kid and an adult when first joined the church. Today was children's day at our church and I was reminded of this fact. I was a kid trying to be an adult and that has been one of the themes that has permeated my struggle to know what it means to be called. Am I called to be me or the person God called me to be. Maybe it is a bit of both.


I talked with my friend Brian at night. I was glad to share my sermon topic. "Don't Speak, until you're spoken to". It felt natural like I was talking about myself and God at the same time. Much of our conversation revolved around mom's insistance on needing no help in deciding what she needed to do medically. I understand this to be a way of looking at church. I might not like what is going on in church and yet I need to work with where they are instead of where I want them to be.


The heart of the matter was fleshed out by my sister Melisa. She reminded me that we all want to see Mom happy and Mom has allowed herself to be happy by affirming that she is in the process of getting well and not dying as one medical neurologist intoned. My sister went on to share about a childhood friend who irritated her. This friend had recently married another woman. She was faced with learning or disowning someone she care about. Maybe that is the best thing about church. It is a classroom that invites difference. The hope is that we all can learn. Time will tell.