Perpetual Ruminations

Thursday

Another day about over. This is the end of my three days off, but out of the three, I really didn't get much for time off. My first day off I had to run into work and do a few things, then came home and got some work done around the yard. I had intended to send my report and fax the next schedule, but time ran out before I got that far. Wednesday we had intended to do a road trip and head over to the James River and just take a day to enjoy and relax.

We started out a bit later than intended, but not a problem. We got our running done, grabbed a bit of food to eat on the way and headed out. We had a nice ride over, and got set up just as planned, but later than we had wanted. Not a problem, however, since there was some thunderstorms and bad weather in the morning. the forecast was for sunny skies with a few clouds and an all around nice afternoon and evening. We fished a bit, then tried a new location, but shortly after we got moved, the wind came up. It was much too strong to sit it out, so we packed up and got in the van, waiting for it to pass.

I was thinking it was just the storm clouds that had moved in, causing the wind to pick up, and as they passed, the wind would die down again. But it didn't, it stayed windy, so we drove over to another little lake close by and checked that out. It was nicer, but still too windy. Not a problem, we would check out another lake not too far away, and a bit closer to home. We found it no problem and drove around, looking it over. There were some places to fish, but not with the wind blowing so hard. All the areas we found for fishing had us exposed to the wind, and most of them did not provide much room for the dogs to run, and they would be very close the road.

So, we decided to call it a day and head home. It was getting late and we had put in a good day anyway. We drove home and started to unpack, and that's when we realized that I had forgot out net at the river. That was kind of a pain, since it was a nice net that folded down and stored so easily, and it was a pretty expensive item, but we had lucked out and found it on sale for half off. Now, I can only hope that who ever finds it gets some good use out of it. I don't know if I will find another quite as nice, and if I do, I doubt I can afford it. Times are tight for us, and money is even tighter.

But, shit happens, as Forest Gump said. I let it go and we made the most of the evening, then it was off to bed. Rhonda had to go in to the clinic this morning and have a few things looked at. We got up and headed out, with a full day of relaxing and enjoying life ahead of us. Once we got to the clinic we got in right away, and they asked the routine questions and did a few tests and drew some blood. Just an infection, right?

No, it didn't appear to be much of an infection at all, and there must be something more wrong, but it will require more tests. Tests they cannot do there, so we will have to go someplace else. Great, this is not in the budget, but what can we do. We don't get insurance of any kind through work, but with Obama Care we have a policy that we really can't afford, but limited as we are, we had to get it, it's the law. The only plan we could afford doesn't pay much, and considering the few options we had, I tried to pick the best I could. Only we pay everything for the first 1100.00 each, or a total of 2200.00, each year, then it picks up everything.

Only, we cannot come up with enough money to replace a fancy net, how am I going to pay for these tests? Not to mention the van is still not running right and should get taken in, the Jimmy is in dire need of a tune-up and oil change, as well as tires, and there is a lot of work needed on the house. We can barely afford to eat and pay for gas to get back and forth to work, and I went and splurged more than I could afford so we could take a one day vacation, now this. I just don't know how I can keep things going, and not lose my mind.

I had gotten a wonderful gift in WDC of a premium membership. I was trying hard to save up enough to pay for another year of premium membership, but now I don't think I dare spend the money. I guess it doesn't matter, in order to get enough hours in at work while I get paid, and then do all the supervisor stuff after I get off of work, I didn't have time or energy to do anything in here anyway. I kept holding out, thinking it would get better, but I am starting to see that was just a pipe dream. It's not getting better, and at the rate things are falling apart around me, I may have to look for another part-time job to try and get by.

The irony in that is, I would have the money to do a few things, but I wouldn't have any time to do them. Besides, I'm literally on call from five in the morning to ten at night and if someone can't make it, I'm suppose to get things covered. How would I be able to take a second job if I need to be accountable all day for this one? I'm about at my wit's end and still don't have any idea how to resolve any of the problems.

I know, we all have them and it could be worse. That's my biggest concern, is that it will turn even worse. I know that's being very negative, but that's how life has been for a long time now. I'm an optimist by nature, so this negativity is tearing me apart, but at the same time, I don't know how to stop it. I do know that when life gets me down, my refuge has always been in my writing. If only I could go there, and just lose myself to my writing, but that isn't happening, either. The demands and problems interfere with this, too. I'm in a rut, and I know I need to break free, but I don't know how. I keep hoping for some lucky break that will provide me with the means -- but if it's coming, I sure hope to hell it hurries up~