Wondering about my Wanderings

The fight

Fighting depression is no easy. This has been a particularly difficult week. The tears flow and at times they do seem stoppable. I see my kids growing up without me. I see my vision of ministry undergoing radical change. My mom is not as well as she was a year ago and I am helpless to stop it.

I feel really awful. It is kind of like a numbing pain. I spent around six months talking with a church nurturing hope that I could one day be a pastor and in one day watched a dream escape. I am glad for a time to write. Ecclesiastes came up short in talking about this need. There is a time to write and a time to read.

I am looking forward to a time of healing. I hate to be this way. My kids and my wife have enough to deal with. Depression is a bloodsucker kind of leech. It seeks in its own way a host and like dominoes others tumble trying to help. I pray that in time I will access life in a way that way that people are brought back to life as I am.