Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about the convo, common sense, and characters.

30DBC PROMPT: "That was a lot to take in yesterday; how about we go into town and have some beers at the local tavern? Tell me about the conversations you overheard."

Howdy campers! Yeah, yesterday's entries were certainly different than I expected...but that's ok. Sometimes we need a prompt like that to shake us out of a routine (not that there's never any prompts that can do that). Looks like we've managed to survive and are now retelling tales of the experience over a few cold ones. Good times!

I imagine this isn't Brother Nature 's "Invalid Item" , run by Andre The Blog Monkey...we're definitely probably in a typical New England pub. The only problem with that is I've never been in a real New England pub...my closest experience to that has probably been watching the TV show Cheers, which ended its run quite a long time ago (and probably before I was of legal drinking age). That's ok though...16 ounces is still a pint no matter where you are. I'm sure Maine has some great little microbreweries that offer a wide variety of tasty options, but I'll stick with a Boston favorite, Sam Adams. Although Sam's Summer Ale tends to get goofy on me after a few (or maybe it's the other way around), I'll take my chances because it's probably a little too early for their Octoberfest offering.

As usual at these types of events, I tend to show up a little early...maybe too early, which forces me into making small talk with the cute bartender (oh no ). As sure as I am that it's her job to get me sauced, I've gotta maintain at least some semblance of composure if I'm gonna convince her to come back to my tent at the end of the night to have a good time with my fellow campers.

Charlie ~ shows up, and once he's done mocking everyone whose names start with the letter N, settles down and we start talking about music. We initiate our own little "Barrel of Monkeys"  challenge for fun between us over by the jukebox, hoping lizco252 will show up but knowing she can't due to unforseen circumstances. Yes, we'll be hoarding the machine most of the night.

Meanwhile, the rest of our crew has started filing in...everyone's still marveling at Lyn's a sly fox 's tombstone pictures and her attempt to scare the bejesus outta us. Prosperous Snow celebrating , ElaineElaine and ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy have opted for a separate table away from some of the noise, sipping on soda and discussing current events mixed in with anecdotes about the past. 💙 Carly and Noyoki joined Charlie and I briefly, wanting to play some music...but they took off to find amy-Has a great future ahead , who was waffling about coming out tonight after yesterday's experience and was nowhere to be seen when the rest of the girls were getting ready. We're a fun bunch, Amy, I swear! Finally, Finn O'Flaherty and Future Mrs. B show up...seems like someone gave them directions to the wrong bar ( wasn't me, I swear! ), yet somehow they found us they managed to get to the right spot.

As these things are bound to happen once the booze starts flowin', everyone's story about last night exponentially gets scarier and spookier as the evening goes on...Charlie's now claimed to have seen the evil fallen sky god in person, Lyn's admitted the pictures of the tombstones she took are of her relatives' graves, who were known to have run some kind of brothel next to the cemetery for years until they died in an unfortunate drunk horseriding accident with a longtime patron and used to haunt the building until it was torn down as an offshoot of the Salem witch trials, and I swear that I really am Chuck Norris, with a tiny fist that comes out from under my beard when I wish to engage someone in martial arts-like combat activity. Yup, we're wasted.

The next morning Charlie will wake up next to a teddy bear he wrestled with before passing out...turns out his "evil fallen sky god" was just a stuffed animal that ate all his peanut butter cups. Lyn will tell us we're making up the story about her relatives, and that she remembers everything that happened last night but is too tired to talk about it. Me? I said a long, dorky goodbye to the cute bartender- a ten minute speech about camping and falling in love that lasted eight minutes too long- and woke up sad and alone.

Don't ask questions...just make sure there's coffee and scrambled eggs with cheese and bacon waiting for me once I emerge from my tent.

BCF PROMPT: "Talk about some common sense things you feel every person should know."

I feel like I have to say this at least once a year, especially once the weather starts to get nice: Ladies, I don't care how big your breasts are or how small your purse is; your bra is not a wallet, and your cleavage isn't a pocket. That's my word. Luckily, I haven't encountered this disgusting anti-phenomenon much this summer, but I have in the past and it's so gross. I remember working at Borders Express one fine day- in an air-conditioned mall, no less- and this, ummm, let's just say she wasn't gonna win any long-distance marathons soon, chick walks in. She sees an old friend, their voices get super-squeaky with "Oh my gawd!!"'s, and she pulls a digital camera- not a smartphone, no...a full-fledged digital camera, complete with a wrist strap- out of her tank top's happy place. She goes to take a selfie of the two of them, and when she reviews it on the camera's screen, she's all like "Wait a minute..." and furiously started rubbing the screen against her jeans, presumably to wipe off the boob sweat and breast smudges. I was thankful she didn't actually purchase anything, because I don't think there was enough hand sanitizer in the entire mall that would've made my fingers want to take her surely soggy $20.

Also, guys wearing socks with sandals and flip flops: stop that! I'll admit, I did that for the first time today, because I was lazy when I got home from work and didn't feel like taking off my socks, but I hate walking around in bare feet, so I have a cheap pair of flip flops to put on when I'm walking around the house (note the use of italics). Forget for a minute that it's an embarrassing look...it's also highly uncomfortable. Socks aren't built to have a piece of plastic wedged between your big and second toes. It can't be orthopedically solid either...what if you're in a position where you are forced to make a sudden movement? The first thing to go will be the flip flops, which will definitely lower your chances of surviving a bear attack. On the other hand, if you're thinking nothing of this serious fashion police violation, maybe you deserve to be eaten by a bear.

And that, folks, concludes my annual summer public service announcement.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

Well, I'm last up tonight for Team Orangutan, following Future Mrs. B 's entry "Thankful Thursday and Crushes" , and I've got the letter M. I think we've all been involved in some variation of this scenario before, at least from one side or the other. I know many artists have recorded this song before, but this is my favorite because Tom Jones.

"Hey, if you happen to see the most beautiful girl that walked out on me
Tell her, 'I'm sorry'."
Lyrics.  

No BoM bonus tracks tonight...that's ok, Team Howlers...we'll let you enjoy your lead a little longer. We're not afraid of you!

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

"Which fictional character have you fallen for?"

I don't know that I've ever fallen for a fictional character in a book or story before, actually. I mostly read biographies and magazines, anyway . It's not that I don't have the imagination for it (because surely, I do ), but what's the point of falling in love with someone who isn't real? I would think realizing that is more heartbreaking than being turned down by a girl you think you've got every chance in the world to have a relationship with.

I will say that the next book waiting for me though is Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe (once I finish up Michael Lewis' Moneyball), and although I don't remember what the blurb on the back cover of the book said it's about, on the front is a hand-drawn picture of a girl looking like she's checking her face in a compact mirror or something, among a small mural of a few other faces, and they're all sharing the same mess of hair. But on the far right there appears to be a buxom woman, and everyone else's hair forms the shape of her skirt. Hmmm...I wonder what character I'll like best in this book?

But the prompt doesn't specify "fictional character in literature", so I suppose that could mean any character in a movie or tv show, right? I'll go with Charlize Theron's character Rita for a few episodes in Arrested Development...I don't care if she wears a bracelet that says MR F (which could stand for "Mr. F.", but in all likelihood means "Mentally Retarded Female"). Sure she's rather, ummm, slow on the uptake more often than not, and Michael's character doesn't realize she's not a preschool teacher, but more along the lines of a student, but c'mon...it's Charlize Theron, and she's super hot and most all of everything she does in the show can be overlooked because of her gorgeousness. Even when she doesn't know how many houses are in the British Parliament  ...and if we're being honest here, I didn't know either until Ron Howard's narration shortly after the question was posed.

And now I kinda feel like a dirty scumbag, admitting to a celebrity crush...I know everyone's got one, and it's silly because it's not like we'll ever hang out, nor will I send her stalkerish emails or carry around her picture 24/7. It just feels so...one-sided and hopeless, which is why I usually don't bother with fawning over famous people in the first place.

Guess who's going into work for a few hours tomorrow morning because yup, as soon as we finally got caught up with all the past week's donations, and straightened up, we got hit with like eight more bags of crap about 20 minutes before we closed? This guy. And if I didn't have to see my therapist in the afternoon, I'd probably be there all freakin' day again, because it's not like we're not gonna have any donations come in tomorrow...hey, wait a minute...maybe that's one way of getting out of therapy! No no no, I shouldn't do that...besides, it'll be my last visit before school starts, so I probably should go. Dammit.

This link may possibly be a nice piggyback to Charlie's "Blogging Circle of Friends "  prompt, because you'd think by now we'd have the technology and prowess to overcome these 24 instances of common sense failures in society. Why haven't we fixed these annoyances yet?   #1...yup. #9...an almost-daily occurrence on WDC. #17...used to be a big problem at CVS, but it's gotten slightly better (although still not under control). And #21...happens with my Chucks all the time. How can we, as the greatest planet in the whole universe, not have the brains to deal with these things properly?

Well, that's all I have to say for myself tonight...what am I gonna do with the rest of my evening without Barrel O' Monkeys' Bonus Tracks? Besides go to bed at my more normal time? Peace, I said some things, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!