Chance of Stardust

Stardust (ch 16)

Revelin could feel her with every nerve in his body as she trailed behind him, quiet, subdued and, for the moment, obedient. He had lost his mind, he decided as the chill air embraced them and the mid-afternoon sun washed through the enclosing trees. Allowing her outside the ship’s shield, exposing her Universal, was nothing short of madness. She couldn’t help him move the creature that had attacked Davi. Allowing her outside the ship was asking for the Gurot to find them. It placed Llyr at risk.


He was simply unable to deny her.


She moved up beside him, her hands tucked inside the overlong sleeves of his coat. He chanced a look and wished he hadn’t. Her eyes sparkled and color pinkened her cheeks. It wasn’t the bite of cold that brought such life to her face. It was the scent of freedom.


She took a bouncing step and shot him a smile that sliced a gash into the guilt that rode him. Joy radiated from her. He’d given her this, a moment of freedom she clearly needed. He would keep the outing short to minimize the chance of the Gurot tracking her, but he would give her every moment he could manage.


Cassie gave a small laugh and spun, her arms outstretched as if to embrace wide world around them. An unwilling smile tugged at his mouth and he forced it away. He had no right to take any pleasure in her moment. He was, after all, the cause of her current incarceration.


She must have seen the smile because suddenly she turned and caught him in a hug that made him stumble. He caught himself, his arms instinctively curling around her. She laughed against his chest, the silky mass of her hair brushing his skin, still unbound.


“Thank you!”


Before he could form words, she was gone, dancing a short distance ahead of him, leaving him trailing behind in a haze of bemusement.


He watched her for several long minutes until the initial burst of energy faded and she fell back into step with him. Her smile lingered and every so often she would give a skipping step.


“Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling so trapped?” he asked quietly as they stepped from the sunlit meadow into the shadows of the thick pressing trees.


She shot him a startled look and then shook her head.  “I didn’t mean to say anything this time. It just sort of slipped out.”


“You are my responsibility,” he reminded her, offering her a steadying hand as she clambered over a fallen log. “Your care and your peace of mind are part of that. I cannot fix things if you don’t tell me.”


She gave an exasperated huff, hugging his coat closer around her as she waited for him to join her. He made quick work of it and moved ahead to push through the thick underbrush. She followed his trail, keeping close.


“Revelin, the whole reason I’m still with you guys is because you can’t let me off the ship without me being tracked. It makes it rather redundant to ask to leave the ship, now doesn’t it?” She trudged behind him for a few steps. “I don’t understand why you’re letting me out now.”


She muttered the words under her breath but he heard them. The smile that wouldn’t seem to go away entirely tried to creep out again.


“I don’t understand it either.”


“Because you’re too nice to be a kidnapper,” she teased. “I told you that before.”


“I’m not nice.”


“Can’t prove it by me.”


He glanced back at her, at a loss for words once again. She was right, he allowed. She was a soft spot he’d never encountered before and hadn’t expected.


If she had railed against the restrictions, had been less accepting of the hirrient as a whole, he might have had an easier time dealing with her. Instead, she cuddled Llyr as if he were a younger sibling, accepted Leiv and his prickly attitude without question. She worried over Ari and tended Davi as if he were one of her own. Had it been merely her soft skin and silky hair that tempted him, he could have dealt with it. Instead, she teased him, treating him with an acceptance that, while not particularly respectful, got under his skin and softened his resolve.


He liked her.


The ground rose abruptly, angling away from the tree strewn flats, and he headed up the slope. A look back found Cassie struggling to follow. He stopped, waiting for her to catch up. She wasn’t as strong as he was, he berated himself silently. She took each step as if it were a personal challenge, her jaw set with determination. She reached him, breathing hard. He let her rest for a moment and then motioned for her to precede him. She didn’t argue but pushed on, struggling for every foot gained. He fought the urge to simply pick her up and haul her up the slope like so much baggage but he didn’t think she would appreciate it. In her own way, she was as prickly proud as he was.


He braced her with a hand on her hip at a particularly steep section. She didn’t glance at him but threw her body into the climb. He followed, making sure she didn’t slip.


She pulled herself over the top edge and sprawled flat, breathing hard. Revelin crouched beside her, giving her time to recover.


“Going down will be easier than coming up,” he reassured her.


“Sure,” she panted, her eyes closed and her tone wry. “Gravity will be assisting.”


It took him a moment to realize what she meant. She was afraid of falling.


“I will be with you.”


“You’ll be carting some big animal that point.”


“I can bring you to the bottom and return for the creature.”


“And make you climb this mountain again? I don’t think so.”


“Then I will take you down and leave the creature.” That got him a slit eyed look. “You are my first responsibility today. I will keep you safe.”


“Has anyone told you you’re bossy?” She sighed and struggled into a sitting position, pulling pieces of dried grass out of her hair. “I’ll be all right. I promise. I’m just out of shape.”


He frowned. “How is your shape less than perfect?”


She laughed, her eyes shining up at him from under the pale fall of her hair.  “I’ll take that as a compliment even if it is just a mistranslation. I was referring to my physical condition, not the actual shape of my body so thanks.”


He eyed the too big coat that hid the graceful shape of the body beneath and shook his head. Her physical condition was fine and the shape of her body even better. He had no complaints but he had the feeling that saying so would get him into a conversation that would wreak havoc with his peace of mind.


Instead, he rose and held down at hand. She grabbed onto him and he lifted her to her feet. She turned, taking in the view around them.


“Wherever we are, this is gorgeous.”


Hills flowed away from their position, carpeted in trees with patched of open meadow. It was a lovely sight, he agreed. Not exactly like the dim memories of his now destroyed home, but familiar all the same.


“Yes. It is.”


He nudged her into motion, aiming for a distant crease in the grassy expanse. The terrain remained uneven and rough, scrubby bushes tangling with the scattering of cone shaped trees that marched along the crest of the hill.


“Where are we going?”


“There is a small water shed area ahead. We will find Davi’s kill not far on the other side.”


She kicked her way through a thick clump of bushes. “How in the world did Davi get back to the ship as banged up as he was?”


“I carried him.” He avoided her startled look. “I smelled blood and went to see if he needed help getting his prey back to the ship. That was when I heard the roaring. The creature was already dead when I got there and Davi nearly so.”


“I’m sorry.” She glanced at him and then back the way they’d come, huffing a soft breath. “You really could haul me up and down this mountain and never break a sweat, couldn’t you?”


“You aren’t very big,” he noted.


She bumped him with her elbow, her hands still tucked in the coat sleeves. “That wasn’t nice.”


“It’s true.”


Her chuckle stroked him and his smile crept out again to linger. She had that effect on all of them, he realized. She made them feel welcomed and wanted in a way none of them had ever experienced. He cleared his throat, not wanting his words to sting even if she had laughed them off.


“I like you the size you are.”


“Name something you don’t like about me.”


Her dry tone made the offer a jest but instinct warned not to treat the matter lightly. He kept his answer carefully honest.


“Your lack of obedience troubles me at times.”


She laughed again, shaking her head. “Somehow I knew you were going to say that.”


“How fragile you are,” he added for good measure.


Her laughter faded. “I’m not fragile, Revelin. I’m just smaller than you.”


“Compared to me, you are fragile. I could hurt you far too easily.”


“You wouldn’t hurt me. Not intentionally.”


“The possibility alone troubles me.”


“I know.” She shook her head. “You take good care of me, far better than any kidnapper ever would. You worry if I get a bruise or if I eat. You worry and that’s something I never expected.”


“You are my responsibility,” he reminded her.


“A responsibility is something you do because you have to, not because you care.”  Her jaw firmed and she shot him the narrow eyed look he was becoming familiar with. “Tell me you don’t care. I dare you to lie to me like that.”


“What sort of man would I be if I didn’t care if you got hurt?” The thought made no sense to him.


“I am a means to an end,” she snapped back. “I’m an inconvenient burden, a nobody from a proscribed planet that ordinarily wouldn’t even register in your existence. And you worry that I’m going to get hurt somehow?”


“Yes.” He caught her arm, pulling her to a halt and turning her to face him. “We had no right to interfere in your life, Cassie. We had no right to take you away from your parents and your home. That you choose to help us never fails to amaze me and I am grateful beyond words for your tolerance. You could have chosen to spend your time in your room and, as long as you ate, we would have accepted it without question.”


She stared up at him, more pensive than angry.


He touched her cheek, willing her to understand. “Yes, you were a risk to Llyr if I set you free. That doesn’t change the fact that we were in the wrong, not you. To treat you like a prisoner when you have done us no harm would have been a greater wrong. You offered to help us when you had no reason to do us any favors. You healed Davi today when you could have stood aside. You have even been careful with Ari.”


She came up on her toes and pressed her lips to his in a kiss so gentle he didn’t dare breathe for fear the slightest move would shatter the moment. The caress tightened his body but the emotions uncurling in him had little to do with lust. As much as he wanted her body, he didn’t want to lose the feel of her against him, her trust such a fragile, glorious gift.


“Ari,” she whispered against his mouth, “doesn’t make me crazy the way you do.”


She pulled back, a slight frown turning down the corners of her mouth. He watched her, waiting for her to make up her mind about whatever had put that expression on her face. He hoped she was thinking about kissing him again.


“Half the time I don’t know if I should kick you or kiss you,” she complained, not angry but puzzled.


“I can tell you my preference if you like.”


Her mouth curved upward again. “You don’t get a say in it.”


“I like your kisses,” he admitted, wondering if she would take the hint and kiss him again.


She turned away, heading on through the thinning brush. Revelin watched her move for a long moment then hurried to catch up.


“I thought you were going to forget all about kissing me.”


“No.” He watched the ends of her hair lift in a faint breeze, gleaming in the sunlight. “I said it would be wiser.”


“That’s changed?”


“I may have overrated my own wisdom.” She would unforgettable, he knew. He didn’t need years to pass before he accepted the truth of it. He knew the memory of her would linger long after he left her behind.


Her laughter tangled in the breeze, brightening the day and the weight of guilt on his shoulders eased. He liked the sound of her laughter but he liked the taste of her kisses more. So gentle a caress. He couldn’t remember being touched with such care in recent years. Not since the Gurot had come. He wanted to feel that tenderness again. Today.


A new thought intruded. Had he been too rough with her when he kissed her? Was that why she had become so skittish around him? The thought had him frowning. She would fight a claim but perhaps she could be coaxed.


He shouldn’t, honor demanded. Nothing could come of such indulgence. But the thought persisted. He wouldn’t take from her but if she chose to give, he doubted he had the strength to push her away.


They stepped from sunlight into the dappled shadows of a line of trees and out of the chill bite of the wind. He would have to turn them more northerly to reach the creature Davi had killed but this wasn’t a bad place to take a few minutes of rest. The rustle of water on stone led them through the trees to a narrow water run that washed over rounded stone and white sand.


Cassie knelt beside the water, scooping some up in a cupped hand to drink.


“Can you imagine living in a place like this?” she asked, shaking droplets off her fingers and drying her hand on her pants. “No city or cars or noise. Just you and nature.”


“Yes.” He crouched beside her, content to listen.


She glanced at him and then away. “Oh, I suppose you know all about living in wild places. Was your home anything like this?”


“Somewhat.” He picked up a rounded stone and toyed with it before tossing into the water. “The trees are smaller here and the mountains are not sharp stone, but this place is similar.”


“Tell me about it.”


He shook his head. “My memories are those of a child, a favored son allowed to run wild. They are hardly reliable or worth telling.”


“I can imagine you as a wild kid.” She chuckled and then sobered. “Do you miss it?”


“It was my home.” He sounded sharper than he’d intended but Cassie didn’t take offense.


“Was. You have a home on Gael now.”


“Gael is not my home.” He rose and stepped away, ending the conversation. Some memories were too painful to visit even for her.


She was quiet for long minutes, sitting beside the narrow tumble of water, offering him the space to settle his thoughts. He rejoined her, unable to resist being close to her. She made him feel, prying at wounds he had thought healed, but she soothed those ragged tears inside him, too.


“When I was growing up, we lived in a house in town,” she told him, her gaze on the glimmer of blue sky that was visible through the waving limbs of the trees across the water. “I loved that house. It had a big back yard and a park just across the street. Dad worked as a mechanic then and Mom was an animal healer. We had a big orange cat named Taffy and a black dog I named Mutt.”


He could picture her as a child, a slim creature with too big eyes and long hair, playing in a house full of love.


“When I was twelve, Mom had her first heart attack. A few months later, they sold the house and we moved into a small apartment.” Her smile turned wistful. “We had to get rid of Taffy cat and Mutt, but the place was smaller and we were on the ground floor so there were no stairs for Mom to have to climb. It was cheaper, I know, but I missed the big place. After a few months, though, it was home.”


He frowned at that but she hurried on before he could interrupt.


“A little over a year later, Mom had a big episode and nearly died. We moved out of the apartment and into the house we live in now. Uncle Frank offered to let us live there since he had no one living in the place and it has that big shop where Dad can fix cars for him and still be close to Mom if she needs him.” She sighed and folded her arms around herself and shot him a shy smile. “They were all home, Revelin, because we took home with us. Home isn’t a specific place but where the people love you best.”


He let the idea settle. While he couldn’t find any flaws in her logic, he couldn’t embrace the concept. He’d lost too much, had too much stolen from him. The people who had loved him best were gone.


“I understand, Cassie, but I think you and I will simply have different views of the matter.”


“Someone needs to buy you a dish to hold sweet things,” she muttered.


The translation hesitated. It made him wonder what sort of sweets she preferred and then wonder why he cared.


“I don’t follow.”


She chuckled. “Mom has this cheap glass dish with a lid.” Her hands shaped the air in a graceful curve. “No matter where we are or what’s going on, that dish sits on the kitchen table with sweets in it. When I was a kid, as long as the dish had sweets in it, all was right with the world. Even now, I see it and I know I’m home.”


She wanted him to have a home.


There are worse places to make your home than in the arms of a woman. Ari’s words whispered in the back of his mind. Longing melted through him. He wanted that, he realized. He wanted a home as much as the others did. If Cassie chose him, if she loved him best of all, he would make her his home.


He shoved the thought away. He wouldn’t take any more from her than he already had. Not even her heart.


They needed to get moving. He shifted closer and tugged at her hair. She swiped at him halfheartedly, making him chuckle.


“You look sad,” she noted. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be depressing.”


“You don’t make me sad,” he reassured her. “My own thoughts are responsible for that. You make me – happy.”


Her look said she didn’t believe him. “Half the time we’re together, we’re fighting.”


“I’d rather fight with you than be at ease with anyone else.”


A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. He cupped her cheek, wishing he could taste that smile. Her eyes locked with his, a vulnerable softness in the blue depths and he knew he would taste her, wisdom be damned. He would kiss her soft and gentle, as she had kissed him, and maybe she would kiss him back.


Carefully, he touched his lips to hers.


Her gasp brushed over his mouth. He fought the urge to push in, to take over, but taking wouldn’t gain him what he wanted most. He brushed his mouth over hers again, soft and sipping. He let his hand fall from her face, barely touching her, to rest on her waist.


She didn’t move away, her hand coming up to rest on his shoulder to steady her as she leaned in and mimicked the caress. His heart beat hard in his chest, his claws itching to slice out, but he couldn’t allow himself to lose control. He needed to be patient. She wouldn’t be coaxed so easily and she would only defy any attempt to claim her. 


She lifted her mouth from his, the dazed look in her eyes making something in him howl in triumph.


“Every time you kiss me, I find it harder to believe you’ve never kissed a woman before.”


“You think I am lying?” He found himself more curious than angry. It hadn’t been an accusation.


She shook her head, her hair shifting around her in a cloud of pale light. He couldn’t resist stroking his fingers through the silk mass. Everything about her was so very soft. She even smelled soft, her scent rising to him tinged with first pale tendrils of desire.


“No. I just find it amazing is all.”


“How so?” Not that he cared. How could he coax her into kissing him again? He wanted nothing more at the moment than to turn that faint taste of feminine want into a torrent against his senses.


“Your kiss is incredible now. A little practice and you’ll be devastating. There won’t be a woman you turn your sights on that could resist you.”


“If I decide I want you?”


Her eyes flicked to his, wide as if she were suddenly aware of their intimate position.


“Don’t, Revelin. You deserve a woman who can give you a life, a future. I can’t give you anything.”


He sank to sit on the hard stone, tugging her closer. She tumbled into his lap with a squeak in a sprawl of long limbs and wild hair. He helpfully aided her in untangling her awkward position which ended with her straddling his lap with startled look on her face. He kept one hand on her hip but made no move to hold her in place.


“You have kind thoughts for your kidnapper,” he teased.


For a moment, he wondered if she would bolt but she settled slowly against him, the juncture of her thighs softening to cradle him with a jolt of pleasure that made him swallow a moan. He could feel the heat of her through the thick fabric of her pants, smell the sweet scent of her want. Kisses were not going to be enough.


Her startlement fading, she braced herself with her hands on his chest. She gazed at him, so solemn.


“Not my kidnapper. My friend. My kidnapper I want to kick. Hard.” She gave him a stern scowl that faded too quickly to be effective. “My friend, however, I want to find some kind of happiness. You deserve that, Revelin.”


“And what of you?”


“I’ve been looking. You haven’t even been doing that.”


He couldn’t deny it. Until he’d met her, he had never considered that he might want a woman of his own. Want her he did, with a need he’d never felt before. If he told her that, she would bolt and he would never get her back into his arms. Instead, he slid a hand into her hair to cradle the back of her head and he took the kiss he craved.