Just Be There Blog

organizing and a free write

Today I am doing some needed organizing (all off site projects, but still dealing with reading and commenting). I was passed the distraction phase for this time of year, yesterday (11-7-14) and actually have returned energy to attend to projects partially ignored through the last week.

I have set up my multi-gig project into 8 sections. Each section consists of 5k words give or take a couple thousand to complete chapters. Several are less than 5k and two are over, so pretty evenly spaced. I have been reading okay, but I am behind by half of where I should be. Today, I play catch-up and hope to finish reading the next section that is equivalent to gig 5. This will put me right on schedule. Tomorrow I plan to finish the reading and start on the evaluation phase. This will give me five days to finish my 10 day goal (6 days early for standard timing). Even if I go a couple days over my personal goal, I will have delivered well within my advertised time constraints. I have basically played a "Scotty" card to make myself look like a super hero for gig production...LOL...I admit, I didn't plan on the personal emotional hurdle, so I am very happy I exaggerated the time I would need to finish this project.

Grief is a persisant condition. This January will mark four years since my son's passing. As usual I didn't realize 'why' I was having problems focusing all last week until 11-6-14, Chris's 35th birthday. Then I understood completely. I have this special talent of ignoring 'time' until it smacks me in the face. I am usually so focused into my daily routines that everything outside the here and now have to be triggered into consciousness. Chris's birth date is such a trigger. 11-5 means nothing; not even a warning. 11-6 on the other hand is an unlocked door opening and all the memories tumbling out.

Chris is frozen in time, of course, and shall never age beyond the 31 years that we knew him. Our memories keep him 'alive' in our lives. Our grief is our reaction to his physical abscence in our lives. (I say 'our' and not 'my' because he was loved by many more people than me.)

An interesting thought just crossed my mind...regarding the imprint that individuals have on other's lives and the ripple in the pond effect. This thought, of course, is as old as the origins of mankind.

I am as close to making myself a recluse as I can possibly attain and still be self supporting with a job outside my home and contact with neighbors and family as it occurs. Also, my sharing on writing.com, fiverr.com, and facebook most likely impact in some way, to a higher degree than I could imagine. So, even with my stay at home alone attitude, many people know me or at least know of me...I'm not the hermit on the hill whispered about in gossip circles and known about only by name within a small community and by what third person stories have been told about me. I'm still on the grid, so to speak. And yet, when my time comes to experience the next adventure of existence, there will be many who will grieve within their experience of my impact on their lives. Like the inner ripples are taller and smaller--those closest to me, will have the most long lasting memories and intense emotional energy. While the outer ripples are shallower but wider--those only with the knowledge of some of my activities may have a passing thought regarding my abscence.

Another idea crossed my mind this week in regards to a story topic/content/theme. It went something like this...the combination of the idea of my Institute stories and the STNG Holo-Deck technology. A prison/hospital combination system the mentally disturbed or criminally maladjusted with the 24th century goal of rehabilitation and reintegration. Basically, each cell would be individually adapted to the emotional healing/mentally reprogramming needs of the person incarcerated. This crossed my mind when I was thinking, how could I make the stories believable enough for a reader to connect with the characters. The biggest obstacle to believability was to explain why each individual was having their particular 'prison/incarceration' experience.

The Holo-Deck technology would actually aleviate all the believability issues.

Okay back to work off site...Have a great week end every one.