Wondering about my Wanderings

I think I finally get it!

I am noticing patterns. I doubt I am the only one who sees the effects of trying to be overly nice or helpful in the hopes of making a friend. The consequences can be deadly. You could almost say that you are helping someone get away with murder.

I notice that I am in the habit of being resentful toward the person who is emptying me of my life in one form or another.
1. I am a pastor of an inner city church. I am well known by the community and my denomination for how much I care. The only problem is that I get frustrated because after all the caring I am burnt out. No one is there to fill me up. The best case that illustrates this is a regular to the church doors I will call Carl. He would always have a story. I would feel bad and spent money that I could have spent on my own family. After a while I told him that he was like a bottomless pit and I was not going to fill it anymore. I even prophesied he would end up in jail if he could not stop stealing from others. Sure enough he ended up in jail with no one to bail him out. The only problem was that while he was in jail someone had to take the brunt of frustration. Soon after this and related incidents I am divorced and cast out.
2. I am in a caregiving situation and there is nothing I will not do for my client. It is not too long before I am frustrated. She happens to be a woman and nothing I do ever seems to please her. She is developmentally disabled, what am I supposed to do. Well sure enough I go back East and get into it with my mother who leaves the scene making me look like the bad guy. Since that time my mom and myself never quite saw eye to eye.
3. Most recently I have been trying to make friends with Jane. She has a real sad story to tell. Her mom almost murdered her several times and then did murder someone before she reformed her life. Jane has been straining my resources and beyond that is calling me names I do not want to here. It could be said that she is following in her mom's footsteps, getting away with murder.
4. Most recently I went to see a caregiver I will call Jen. She has pushed the helper part of me to the max. In one situation she watches as I strain my back trying to life her husband. I will miss several days of work and spent lots of money to get myself back to working with her. I ended up taking the blame and the agency had in its paperwork that I was not supposed to lift more than twenty pounds. I got nothing except aggravated and pretty near quit the agency. The worst of that is they would have just hired someone else. They could have cared less about my sacrifices. My wife takes the brunt of my resentment. Recently she left home. I need to decide who I want to love and who I want to love me. Thank God she came back.

I finally think I get it. Once people get what they want from me they go to someone else to get what I can no longer give them.