Everyday Canvas

I Not So Humbly Accept…

Prompt: You have just received a special Award. What is the Award for? Write your acceptance speech

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Funny, Princess Megan Rose 22 Years should come up with this prompt today. I think she’s psychic and she wished a disaster upon me so I can answer her prompt. Just kidding Megan… You’re the sweetest.

Here’s my acceptance speech:

Dear Committee Members who so graciously granted me this Brave Lady Who Didn’t Lose Her Cool Although She Busted her Butt Award,

I not so humbly accept it because not only do I deserve it, but also I believe I should be getting a purple heart.

First, let me fill you in on the events that led to this moment.

We woke up this morning to a fridge disaster. First thing I did was to empty the fridge to see if anything was blocking something. Just the day before I had shopped and filled it to the brim, so I could spend the rest of the week writing or reading or just fooling around. When else would a fridge conk out on you but when you’ve filled it up or just before your party? I don’t think it is Murphy’s Law, but I suspect there’s a mean streak built in refrigerators.

Next, neither of us being fridge-surgery savvy, hubby called the repairman. By this time, I had the freezer stuff in a cooler topped with icepacks and had emptied the milk down the drain. All the stuff out of the fridge that could last out for a few hours had our living area as their waiting station. I have to say, I might have discovered a new angle in interior design.

The repairman arrived, took out some screws I didn’t even know existed, and shook his head. “Not worth fixing,” he said. “The compressor is dead. It’ll cost you more to fix it than get a new one.”

“But it is only six years old. Most of our refrigerators lasted at least fifteen years,” I said.

“So odd, you should remember that much, at your age,” he said.

Jerk!

My eyes must have frightened him or something, for he added, “They don’t make them as they used to.”

“Mother had hers for over twenty years and she was still using it when I left home,” I said.

“Too long ago! That must be an icebox.”

I swear his eyes gleamed.

Double jerk. No. Triple, quadruple jerk! I gritted my teeth.


Right after he left, we did too. We drove to Jetson’s to get a new fridge. I must say I felt me succeeding as soon as we stepped into the store. The saleslady was a doll and I managed to appeal to her human side. She got on the phone and sweet-talked whomever, and would you believe, they delivered a brand-new fridge within two hours.

So, up until this award ceremony, I have been wiping up the newbie and arranging my stuff in it. And I did all that by shooing hubby from underfoot, although he, in helpfulness delirium, wanted to be in on this award, too, but I couldn’t let him, as my kitchen is galley-shaped and no two people can crisscross it without bumping butts even if they are not as endowed as the Kardashians.

Yes, I must say I did keep my cool. I neither complained nor shed tears. Neither did I bite anyone’s head off, although every bone in my body is aching now.

Now, when am I getting my purple heart?