Perpetual Ruminations

Saturday

Let's see how this goes today. It's nine-thirty on a Saturday and I just got up twenty minutes ago. I was up at quarter to five to see Rhonda off to work, then went back to bed around five-thirty. That's a whole lot of sleep for me, and it's the first time in a long time I arose from bed without the use of an alarm, and feeling refreshed. Today is the first day I have had off since April first, and I have no plans for anything today.

I'm not even sure about having the day off. I do have it off, but it's not registering in my head yet. I keep thinking I have to watch the clock, so I can get ready to go in and work in a few hours. That's been the only exception to me working every morning for the last month, a few days I had to fill in at eleven, and one day at ten.

Even my last day off is kind of puzzling -- April first. Seriously, my last day off was April Fool's Day. Was that some kind of coincidence? Perhaps the reason is simply fate, and that's how the cards landed. But if that's how this world operates, by fate and by chance, then everything is out of control; chaos. That is an accepted school of thought, that all existence and everything is strictly fate. Darwin's theory of evolution, as well as the big bang theory follow this train of thought. In the beginning there was nothing, then it exploded and evolved into what and where we are today, in time.

I don't follow that train of thought at all. I believe in a creator, who through plan and purpose, brought all things into existence. I mean, after all, if there was nothing, and it exploded, there would not be a universe, there would be nothing. If you doubt this, listen to Billy Preston's song, Nothing From Nothing. Sure, the rhythm may be out of your liking, or maybe you find it a catchy tune, but the message is clear, nothing from nothing leaves nothing, and that's the point I wanted to make. Like Billy states, you gotta have something or you got nothing.

This means, the chaos theory is out. Don't get me wrong, it does exist, but it's only a secondary system. There is the original and omnipotent plan of God that created and oversees all things, and there is the secondary plan of Satan, the chaos plan that he uses to try and defeat God's perfect plan. That's why there can be chaos in perfection, and why evil exist in good. It also means that while chaos can infiltrate our lives, there is a higher power that we can turn to to set things right once again. This means then, that although something may exist outside of God's plan, He allows it because His plan is perfect and it serves His purpose in the end.

Now, back to my question, if April Fool's Day was the last day I had off, is there more to it than chance? Well, it could be that chaos has infiltrated my life and is trying to get me to turn from God's plan, or it could be a hint that only a fool would work this kind of job, with these kind of demands, at the pay rate I'm compensated. What do you think, a fool? Or, is it some evil plot to dissuade me from the path set before me?

Perhaps it's a little of both, after all, God has a divine sense of humor and only a fool would let something change the course of their life away from Him and His plan. What do I think? I do not believe in chaos, I believe all things serve a purpose and only by our own choice do we veer away from the path God set for us. That means there's a reason for things being the way they are, and I see how hard it's been for me not only this spring, but for a long time now, for me to pursue my dream to write.

Chaos has intervened and does it's best to prevent me from following that path, but I know that in the end, it is my choice and mine alone. I can throw in the towel and say it's just too difficult, it's not meant to be, or I can look at the opposite way, it's meant to be but chaos is trying to prevent me from following that path. How do I find the answer, by meditation and prayer, and by being honest with myself. I have a talent, a gift that was given me. The only reason anyone or anything would try and prevent me from using it would be to try and corrupt my faith and belief in God's plan.

The answer then, is my choice. I can become discouraged and lose my faith through this difficult time and become a fool, or I can endure this chaos for the time it takes to run it's course, and be blessed for staying the course. I'm tempted at times to throw in the towel, there's no time to write or do anything. Other times, I'm tempted to give my boss two weeks notice and be done with this job; they do not compensate me even half of what I should get for the job I do. But in the end, I hold to my faith and endure it all, knowing that this chaos in my life will soon end, and my faith will be rewarded. He will compensate me for what's due, but only if I persist in my faith and His plan.

If I fail at faith, I let chaos win and then chaos will control my life....