Witness to Withness

Dreaming of medicine to heal an ill

Sitting in depths of living water, awake
Fishing for a reason to sleep and dream
A sign of sickness barking like a seal
A pill a sign that says I long no longer to be sick but well

There is a favorite scripture nestled in the book of John chapter 4. The question is asked of a man paralyzed from birth do you want to be well. None of us can be well until we truly long for it first.

         It had been many days of wondering if the feverish depression would ever end. Then a few very unusual things happened for which I have no understanding. The first was a cold that came ambling my way. What was unusual about this was that I was in the habit of getting a lot of colds in the course of a year, usually bronchitis. For some reason I welcomed what I had often dreaded. It was like a friend coming out to play. My equilibrium was being changed in a way that I did not understand. I finally realized the sickness aspect to what I was going through and I had this part of me that did not want to be sick any more.

         It was about this same time that I wondered what I could do to awaken from the nightmare I had been experiencing since January it was about Easter season. It was a very meaningful time. Beyond the giving of Easter candy and dressing up was the idea that someone could rise from the dead. I saw medicines in a cabinet that had the word sleep written all over them. I took three of four pills without consulting anyone. I no longer wanted to be awake constantly wondering if by sleeping I might wake up and find out I died. I recall thinking that I was in a sense overdosing. I was taking more than needed for something that had become unbearable.
         I slept for I do not know how long. It felt good. I had a vision, I do not remember it as a dream, it was too real. I had a vision of Jesus on the cross and this Jesus spoke to my deepest and darkest despair and said I understand. It was profound. I was changed. My depression disappeared like magic. It was surely a miracle. I had up until that day gone to altar calls to numerous too mention emotionally wrought determining to give my all to God, ashamed for how I was no measuring up. In this vision Jesus came to me and said: "I understand "Gary". You are not alone." It was in that moment the fog lifted. It was as if with Jesus I was being brought back from the dead. No one can take away the joy I felt in that moment. Do you want to be well? Enter into the rest of the Lord you who are weary and discover the same God that takes heavy burdens and makes them light. This same God rises not only Jesus, but people from the dead. "He is Risen". And at that precious moment it was well with my soul. Thank you Jesus!!!