Witness to Withness

It is wonderful to feel normal/lobster

What is normal and where do I find it?
Go a few mile north and take a right....
A wonderful place to visit and after you get there
You just might want to stay

I finally knew on a deeper level what it was like to survive the great depression. My grandfather had many stories about life during those times and I have heard similar stories from others. The greatest joy I can share with others is that I survived the great depression and lived to tell the tale.

         The day after Easter me and one of my brothers were invited to visit my grandparents. This was always a special event. We had enjoyed getting to see them. This day I was in the car and almost giddy. My mood inside had changed. I felt normal. It had been the first time I had known the realness of being me for close to a year. I still sat in the back seat of our white station wagon in a state of low simmering anxiety. I worried a bit about the fog coming back and yet it did not ruin the trip.
         We met at an in between place near on the outskirts of Quincy Massachusetts, there were big buildings and a busy intersection. I recall especially a spacious square building of darker flavor that with it's lettering told me we were there. "Welcome" you are headed to your grandfather's new Cadillac, destination Nashua, New Hampshire.
         My grandmother was a deeply religious person and had heard about my calamity and was smoking a cigarette as we entered the household. We sat down in the kitchen on some chairs that wear nearby.
"How are you doing boy?, I have heard you have had some tough times."
My tongue let loose, I had something to say, it was not labored or forced in any way, I wanted to share I was no longer invisible, I was back as if from the dead.
"I am feeling really good Nana I am glad to feel a lot more like myself.
"You are one of the king's kids, make no mistake about that my boy, God has a plan for you, you just need to receive God's word that says have a special place in God's eyes." I am glad you are feeling better, some of us wondered if you would ever get better."

         The highlight of that day we shared together was eating lobster. It came red and steaming out of the large metal pot. We often had fun watching them mill about with claws in large wide yellow elastic bands. We were told not to let the claws bite you or you might get some disease. Food in this case was a social lubricant. I enjoyed talking about my hopes for the getting back to school and finding some work of some kind until that opportunity presented itself. The steamed lobsters came on to our plates the anticipation of eating them was thick, "let me at them" I can remember my mouth was drooling. Once cracked open, a very tedious and meaningful process. We proceeded to eat the white and light orange flesh as it cascaded out of the shell. It went into the mouth as succulently textured liquid joy. It literally melted in your mouth. I knew what it was like to be normal. I had known the feelings of being so close to God I could touch HIM and feeling like I wash special compared to everyone else and quite literally dead. On this particular day nothing was better then knowing I rejoined the human race. The lobster feasting was proof that which seemed dead could become used for a greater purpose.

         There was talk of going to the farm, a family summer retreat. We would go fishing and a great friend by the name of Eddie Cloudier, was planning to be with us this summer. I enjoyed Eddie. He had been an aspiring priest before he met a woman that lead him to a much different kind of life. His balding hair reminded me of the classic frame of a monk. He was quiet and joyful. It would be worth it to see him alone. During one summer he crafted a boat out of wood that he gave to my younger brother Craig who had endured a tough time of his own. There would be time to go fishing, play frizbee and look at the mountains off in the dietance. How wonderful it was to feel back to normal! It was a place worth finding and I planned to stay for a while.