Let's Take Time to Celebrate Life!!!!

computer malfunction

Nothing is more disconcerting than when the computer refuses to want to work. I woke up to blog and over and over I get the message that the function can not be completed and then finally I switched over to the search engine "ask", which seemed to at least for a while keep the computer for doing a broken record function.

Yesterday was crazy. I woke up for church and enjoyed service. The gest of the message was that you can not get something for nothing even if everyone is wired that way. I am starting to notice a preaching pattern. It is a style that beg for an answer. My own personality thirsts for questions that can lead me to struggle with others about what it means or what is valuable about what is being said. The questions I left with were how do I know I am committed to anything and the other one similar was how does all this relate to grace, which is undeserved merit, which is apart from any work I do or "commitment". I would love for someone to talk to me about what that means for them. I get to beating myself up for not getting it right. Maybe the bigger problem is trying to understand what the issue is.

The chaos was work related and probably my own fault. I went to work early to help a supervisor out and then I entered assist station hell. Assist stations are those machines in garages that need to be tested, so that operations can assess how to help people with problems. I usually do the best at getting these things done. Today was one of those stand by days and it was driving me crazy to hear it over and over. I survived the first round and then they asked me to do a couple that the other driver did not get to. I left work exasperated. I slept a lot less than peaceful. At one point I wake up and my body seems to want to fail on me around the heart or gut level. It has happened a few other times, always when I overwork.

Another obsession that will not quickly find resolution is wanting to write a letter to Jan, a person I worked with. I am not doing it because of a feeling that codependence run awry. I want to help even if no one asks and it turn into an unbroken string of a computer wanting to start but cannot. Maybe I am not so different than a computer dysfunction.