Let's Take Time to Celebrate Life!!!!

Awakened

I am trying to believe that my computer works. I woke up and tapped into the history and was impressed that I could get into my writing site. The truth of the matter is that I am burnt out on all the computer madness coupled with problems with my kindle that all happened within the last week or so.

I look forward to a day of questioning and wondering what the future holds. I dreamt of a moving van in and around my house and it was not me that was moving. I continue to monitor my relationship with Sharon and something does not feel right. I only know that I am forever working, no doubt more than I should and she is bemoaning the fact that she is not getting any affection from me. In the course of that is the constant emphasis on eating out and getting food taken out. Last week she was promising me she would cook me means and it is not happening.

The hardest day of the week was Wednesday going into Thursday. I felt suicidal and Sharon said she felt no better. She asked me to take her to a place I enjoyed. I mentioned several places that we could go to and she dissed everyone of them. It did not help that I was feeling miserable on that particular day. We did eat buffet and that was tolerable. I found out I still had an appetite.

I wish I knew what to desire or prepare for. I am feeling disillusioned and confused. I was taught marriage was a good thing. I am taking a trip with my wife to Pennsylvania and she can not wait for me to meet her ex husband Billie. It feels confusing to me. Last time she went back to PA. she spent nearly all her trip talking to him and putting puzzles together with him. She left feeling like they had tied up loose ends and she liked leaving hearing how she was this special person who comforted himl

Sharon comforts cats in the present. I am not in a very comfortable mood. I know only that I need to work to pay bills and if I do not I get depressed to a greater extent. I have told her more than once that work is how I express my love for another person. I am not sure that is translating as love to her. So I get on my blog hoping to survive. I am reminded of what happened with my first wife. Something is not right and I feel helpless to do anything. If an affair is happening there is nothing I can do about it. In the real world there is not right or wrong or sense of justice. Life is not fair and the best I can do is survive and prepare Sharon for what can help her be happy. I will love her and that means wishing for her the best, even if it does not mean the best for me. Am I awakened or really asleep. Time will tell.