Sandy Supposes....

CHUCK, MY WOODCHUCK TENANT

         How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Ah, there's nothing like a tongue twister wrapped in a philosophical question. First of all, the word 'chuck' needs clarification. Sure, it's a down home nickname for Charles, but I can't envision a woodchuck with anyone sporting that name, although I suppose the animal's name could be Chuck. Is 'chuck' a verb as in to throw or toss? Okay, conceivably a woodchuck, a well-muscled woodchuck, could throw an unsuspecting man named Chuck. Would there be a warning or a shouted dare? "Hey, Chuck, I'm chucking you outta here!" Chuck would most likely be confused and skeptical. Physics and ninja/karate moves could make this possible.

         I must admit I Googled 'woodchuck'. As I suspected, woodchuck is an alias for groundhog. Okay, yeah, I currently house one as a tenant. "He", or is it Chuck, lives rent-free under my house trailer. Begrudgingly, I'll admit he's a quiet boarder; no loud house parties. I've yet to find evidence that he's chucking wood around despite the temptation piled next to the trailer. The lumber for a shed build and the firewood logs remain untouched. The sole modification, or as Chuck likely sees it, the practical enhancement to my summer abode is an excavated hole/entrance guarded by the trailer hitch. This was actually quite considerate of Chuck because I am a veteran klutz and I do not have a reason to step anywhere near this hole and stumble. It's more of a certainty that he just didn't want me to drop in unexpectedly.

          Apparently, a gopher loves to dig and displace dirt. Statistics speculate that an average woodchuck burrow measures twenty-four feet by twenty-four feet. Hmm....Chuck may have quite the spacious den sheltered by my trailer! An exceptionally expansive burrow was discovered to be forty-six feet in length. Ummm, my trailer is a measly thirty-two feet long. There's probably no chance that Chuck would invite me for a tour of his subterranean cavern.

         Chuck also has a skill that I wish I had; I am jealous of a groundhog. Inconceivably, Chuck whistles! Does he even have lips? Not for want of considerable effort; the pursing of wet lips, the puckering of cheeks, the inhalation and hold of air, the intense concentration, I simply cannot whistle. Come to think of it, I cannot curl my tongue either. I bet Chuck has no difficulties with this. Hey, after some of my gravity and coordination "incidents", I could've sworn I heard a whistle!

         Sleep well, Chuck. You should be snug for a long winter's hibernation. Oh, could you please discourage the mice from squatting in my trailer? They'll be rowdy, dirty neighbours.