Hello fellow writer. Happy Account Anniversary. I must admit your introduction to this piece intrigued me. A vampire working retail? I was not disappointed to read this. You create a novel spin here. This vampire is a victim in dire financial straits. She has resigned herself to working a menial job and dreams of finding her lost fortune, so she can return to the lifestyle she misses. She struggles with the mundane, everyday tasks like wearing a company uniform and co-existing with others in a closed environment. She is a slave to an alarm clock and toils a set amount of time. And surprise, this creature of the night is able to function during daylight hours. I suppose I could accept the whole goth vibe. It sounds reasonable. Who would suspect their co-worker is a vampire? Oh, and this floundering character has morals. Good to know. She draws the line at hunting co-workers and does not wish to know her victims. Yes, this is an atypical vampire. I would like to see more of her in other escapades. Thanks for sharing your writing. It has been my pleasure to read this.
Hello fellow writer. Happy Account Anniversary. I notice that you are a fan of The Daily Flash Fiction Challenge. I also like its prompts and the challenge of containing a story to a maximum of three hundred words. With this entry you earned your win. This is a great wee story. You managed to squeeze all three prompt words into two consecutive sentences. That is impressive. Within this tale's context they are not at all random. I see no glaring spelling issues, or grammar glitches. I like that you combine an animal rescue/ownership with a romance. Three creatures share in this love. You have created memorable characters with Anna and Mavrik. (What an unusual spelling by the way.) Their loving, giving relationship is highlighted by their love for a white fur ball of a kitten. This is not a bad way to bond. The use of 'tirade' is a great choice. It is a word that evokes arguments, ranting and raving. When the word count is tight every word utilized has to make an impact. In that vein 'Neanderthal' is also a fantastic descriptor for a brute. Thank you for sharing your writing. It has been my pleasure to read this.
Hello fellow writer. Happy Account Anniversary.May I say this is a great piece of writing. I love the homage to the old style detective serials and the spoof of Sam Spade. A cow as a receptionist and trusted sidekick? This is original. And a cow referred to as 'dollface'? The references to smelling out clues is funny. Your description of Collie Dubois as a classy dame from the other side of the tracks is hilarious. She obviously was a looker. Of course, the Chief is a Doberman. Had he been a chihuahua, or a yorkie he would have been free of typecasting. Neither of those breeds screams police force. "These guys were working with cats!" That sentence deserved an exclamation mark. The audacity of criminal type dogs collaborating with a feline is unspeakable. "Something stank worse than week-old litter boxes." Great humorous line. Those certain boxes do indeed stink and not only to a dog with a sensitive nose. I loved discovering and reading this story. It has just the right P.I. flair with Sam's lingo and delivery. I envision this as an animated feature, a short, sassy movie. Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed the laughs.
Hello fellow writer. Happy Account Anniversary. I must say I have never, ever read about someone doing battle with their toaster. I know from experience that toasters can be finicky machines and they do seem to like burning bread at whim. I laughed at all of your evasive manoeuvers to sneak up upon the toaster. You did not want to give it advance warning of your overtures. So, the start lever is "an arming device"? I suppose the "tall, humming machine" is the sentinel refrigerator? I noticed a few things that you may wish to edit. "It's or mine." What is ? There seems to be a word or two missing here. "It's lair" should be "its lair", no apostrophe needed. "A loud humming viberates." It is spelled 'vibrates'. "A good thing I did not loose it" should be "lose it." Again, "it's breach" is "its breech." "Waiting to unleash death upon the unexpecting." Do you mean 'unsuspecting'? "Due the dance of victory" should be "do the dance of victory."This is a funny description of outsmarting a toaster and obtaining the objective, toasted bread. Thanks for sharing this with me.
Hello fellow writer. Happy Account Anniversary! Wow, you describe in great detail your heart surgery ordeal. Yes, I agree with you. It is indeed a good thing that you are sedated and unaware of all the things involved with your surgery. Who would want to be awake and aware when their ribs are sawn apart? I imagine the noise and the smell would be horrifying. So much happens while the patient is anaesthetized and only by asking questions about the procedure do you understand the many aches and pains. It does take time and rest for the body to heal. Recovery is often a slow process. All those medical people you mention deserve respect and gratitude. They really do go above and beyond. You do not mince words recounting your recovery. You do not gloss over the ugly and trying/frustrating issues. Heart surgery is very real and your tale emphasizes this. I like that you also appreciate and thank your husband and family members. I cannot fathom undergoing all of this alone. You are a testimonial to modern medicine and a family's enduring love. I am happy for you. Thanks for sharing your story.
Hello fellow writer. Happy Account Anniversary. You have taken the concept of somebody being a strong, solid rock and revealed the flip side. You raise the question and very real possibility that that same person could collapse under the weight of all they have carried for others. Even an actual rock is not indestructible, so why do we expect a person to be? Everything and everybody has their stress load limit. Rocks develop fissures. Like a rock a person can only weather so much. The first three stanzas describe the reliable, steady practical and kind figure selflessly helping others. We all know people like this and sometimes, we lean on them because we wish for that strength. The following question is something many never consider. "But what happens when this rock starts to crack?" "But what happens when the foundation grows soft?" I like this imagery of a building collapsing. Once it does there's no longer any structural support. Who becomes the new rock for the selfless, giving, sacrificing one? I cannot fathom carrying the weight you mention here and then crumbling with it. The rhyme of this poem feels natural and unforced. Thanks for sharing this.
Great story! You describe Coober Pedy and its harsh environment. You lead us to a hardened, guilt-ridden miner and a young man always seeking his next score. The mining life is indeed a gamble and like all luck, not always fortuitous. Reg's luck ran out when he trusted the wrong person. What will some people do for greed? Thanks for the read.
Hello fellow Writer. Happy Account Anniversary. I read your biography here and may I say, wow, you have lived a privileged life of travel and adventure. You have resided in some exotic locales. Wow, discovering a leopard up close must have been magical. It is a beautiful creature. Your choice of the word 'magnificence' sums this up. I would have chosen to believe that the leopard waved at me with the flip of his tail. The way you described the encounter that animal was showing off and greeting you, checking you out at the same time. It is a cat after all and are they not said to be curious? I commiserate with you. It is inconceivable that such a rare sighting occurred and you lacked a camera. This must have been serendipity at work. I wonder if your son Andrew's photo turned out to be a clear one. I imagine this was not the nature/river walk you expected. Thank you for sharing this special memory. As you wrote it I can picture all the little details of that day. This piece is its own snapshot. Moments like this are indeed akin to winning the lottery and deserve to be cherished.
Hello fellow writer. Happy Account Anniversary! This is a funny, yet still fresh for you childhood memory. Why not believe the warning emanating from a television? It had to be true, or why say such a thing, right? I agree with you. Who wished to be responsible for blowing up that television and the house it resides in? Why take that conceivable risk. They sure had some great programs and cartoons then. I remember Top Cat and have always wondered why it was never available as a nostalgia type show to re-view. Plenty of other cartoons can be found and rediscovered. I am laughing at that early warning re the set could blind you if you sat too close. How many parents tried that with their TV obsessed offspring? Watching it was a ritual, a normal routine. Your running to the bus stop ahead of your little sister is believable and something kids I'm sure still do. Keep up. That loud boom must have been quite the shock. Of course, you feared that the worst had happened. Super sonic sound barrier breaking jet? That was unexpected. I like the memories you have shared of your childhood. Thanks for permitting me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.
Hello fellow writer. Happy WDC Anniversary. This is a heartfelt poem that raises some provocative questions. You have a great voice here. In a thoughtful, gentle manner you are asking do we ever truly know anyone? People are complicated, complex and often do not present or show their true emotions, or opinions to others. Everyone knows fears, regrets, "errors of judgement, lies, failures, fiascos , debts." "We hope they will remain unseen, unknown , and be buried with us, left alone." This is not only well written, but it rhymes effortlessly. You suggest food for thought and most importantly, compassion. I have never heard delivered such a eulogy. Most often, I have listened to superlatives and successes touted. Significant moments and loved ones are usually mentioned. The wording of this poem is wonderful. Do we all hide behind masks? Are we all actors going through the motions? After reading this, I am nodding my head in agreement. Thank you for sharing and speaking some truths. Perhaps there should be more eulogies like this.
Wow, this is a powerful piece with a punch despite its flash fiction status. In a minimum of words you have set a scene full of tension and turmoil. You describe conflict and bloody battles. You end with a sacrifice, a bid for martyrdom. "Her eyes went back to the round were citizens were now ripping the mechanical arms off of robotic sentries." Did you intend to write 'where' instead of 'were'? I also believe you do not need the word 'of' in that sentence. It is enough to write with the word 'off'. I would also suggest separating the dialogue with its own separate sentences. Begin a new paragraph for each bit of speaking. I also suggest rewording the final sentence of this story to make it less awkward but, of course, this is just my thought. Try writing "Johan made an attempt to stop her." I believe this piece would make a fantastic longer story with the words here as an introduction to something more, or a prologue. What led to this particular moment in time? Perhaps describe the tumultuous relationship between Johan and Selena. Create the back story and expand on it. Thanks for permitting me to read this. It has been my pleasure.
Hello Fellow Writer. This is a sad story, but also a heartfelt one because it is a tribute to Misty. You did love that feline and she left beautiful memories for you to cherish. I once lived with a male tabby who chose me and he too was not a cuddler unless the cuddling was on his terms. I called him the thirty-second cat. He was happy to be near by. It is never easy to lose a beloved pet. They become a central, vital part of your life. For ten years Misty was your constant shadow and companion. It is not fair, or right that pets die long before we are ready for them to do so. Unfortunately, vet bills are exorbitantly expensive and the vet you saw seemed to be honest and compassionate. Why undergo extensive and expensive efforts to prolong a life that would not be enhanced, or saved. The one last gesture of love we can bestow on an animal is euthanasia. My sister's lab has been diagnosed with bone cancer and soon he will be 'put to sleep.'I admire your capacity to love. "Misty will send me the right cat at the right time." RIP Misty.Thanks for sharing this story.
Hello Fellow Writer. This humorous piece lived up to its title. It was a delight to read and I admit I did chuckle. I remember well my son 'helping', or his interpretation of that word. You did overhear the neighbour complaining about her flowers and I agree, you took the next logical step. She no longer liked them then they must be removed. You were a thoughtful young man. As if you needed an excuse to absorb a bit of dirt. It is so very true that family stories become legends over time with the retelling. Sure, a few embellishments may colour the tale, but the essence remains impeachable. Ah, to be able to indicate my current age with just a showing of fingers. I laughed at you referring to the shouting of your full name as "nothing short of the sentence of death." Oh yes, Moms the world over mean business when the full name is unleashed from the arsenal. It does serve as a reminder of your given monikers should you suffer a memory lapse. I can picture this as a scene in a movie with your two friends also helping. This was probably when you determined that you did not wish to become a gardener/landscaper. I can imagine that dollar made a big impression.Thanks for the laughs.
Hello fellow Writer!This is a beautiful heartfelt piece of poetry. The narrator is no longer physically present, (deceased?), and is assuring their beloved they are still nearby and watching over them. "For every caress upon your cheek is just a reminder from me." This is a lovely sentiment. Love transcends time and circumstances. "Know I'm always there beside you nestled deep within your soul." Powerful imagery. I suppose we do carry at least a bit of every person we have ever loved, and vice versa. We are ultimately interconnected.
"Game of Thrones" Hello fellow writer. My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: Little BatFirst Impression: This is a unique children's story idea, a bat and its adventures. I have never thought of a bat as an adventurous creature seeking friendships. Little Bat never shies from meeting new creatures and befriends a young dolphin to play with. An animal that flies through the air usually never has to worry about being struck by ocean waves. It is lovely that Lightning the Dolphin rescues Little Bat and prevents a drowning. This highlights the instant acceptance between the two different species. What needs your attention: "After resting for a little bit then Little Bat headed back to the cave." I do not believe you require the word 'then' in this sentence. I also suggest not including that word 'then' so often in your story. It is unnecessary and repetitive. "A large wave nearly got me but Lightning saved me." There should be a comma placed before the word Lightning. I suggest the word 'too' as in "don't venture too far over the ocean." What part I liked best: This is a simple story that I believe would appeal to young children. It does not have a difficult plot to understand. I can visualize the illustrations. I like the instant connection between the bat and the dolphin. Many children choose companions this way. They just immediately like each other and play happily together. I notice you have written an entire series about Little Bat. That is fantastic. Obviously, you ate attracted to this creature and have designed many scenarios. Overall Impression: I can see this story as a picture book for beginner readers. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been by pleasure. Happy WDC Anniversary! What does the fox say??? Listen carefully._1867 characters)DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
"Game of Thrones" Hello fellow writer. My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: A Gypsy Spins a Tale First Impression: This seems to be a young girl's discovery of people different than her family. She encounter gypsies, once in the company of her father and twice more with her mother. Ignorance and prejudices exist and the girl does not understand them. She has been taught to basically ignore, and never confront these strange people. Then she is taught by example to host their presence. Mixed messages for one so young. How frightening that the old gypsy's fortune telling proves to be true. This family is not only moving away in a hurry, they need to move to escape bloodshed and war. The fortune telling that was considered a trifling entertainment at best was a very real warning. It was more of a prophecy. What needs your attention: I would suggest shortening the long sentences. They would pack more of a punch and emphasize the action. I would also suggest placing commas before the word 'but'. "Don't take it too serious." It should be 'seriously. Unless of course this is the woman's manner of speaking. "Sarah never mentioned to Emily what else she's been told." It should be "she'd been told." "Charkas for bad luck." Do you mean 'chakras'? "Sarah's eyes widened at his words incapable to say a word." First of all, try using a different word for 'word'. It is repetitive here. It should be "incapable of speaking." :Hugging herself as if in protection" could be simply "hugging herself." The protection or self-soothing is implied and understood. What part I liked best: Emily receives and is forced to digest contradictory information about the gypsies. Protective parents would and do attempt to warn/scare their children away from uncertainty/ perceived danger. I like this story premise. People have been forced to flee wars. Overall Impression: This is a wonderful story. This family's life is about to face an upheaval. Thank you for allowing me to read your work It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say?? Listen carefully.(2106 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group , activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
"Game of Thrones" Hello fellow writer. My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.Title: Hello, Kitty!First Impression: This is a cute story and a great response to the prompt of thirteen kittens. What is that expression? A good deed does not go unpunished? And then we were...a houseful, a mob of kittens. The chubby tuxedo was in fact not obese, but pregnant. Surprise! Perhaps that cat intended to knock upon the door in her quest for a suitable birthing shelter. She was indeed fortunate to approach a cat lover. What needs your attention: Is a comma necessary when describing the mess in the driveway? "Evidence of rummaging," this comma is not really required. I am guilty of this, run-on sentences. I suppose my mind becomes excited and motivated to write. The words spew forth in a stream. I would suggest shortening several of your sentences. I believe this would give the action, the description more impact. Here is an example. "As we sat down to drink coffees the kittens cried, scratched, jumped around, turned over the sugar bowl and intentionally nibbled on the milk. They wouldn't back away no matter what." In describing the first time sleeping with Foxy you wrote" Just in case there's some foulness involved." The verb tenses already in that sentence support writing "there'd be."What part I liked best: The concept of living and enduring fourteen cats is mind-boggling. I imagine chaos would reign and you do a great job showing that craziness. Yes, they would be underfoot most of the time. I once lived with a mommy cat and her three kittens. That was an experience. I like the narrator's surprise solution to crowd control, a dog. Even funnier is that the mother feline accepted him without a fuss. I laughed at the line," I do not want to see that kind of litter."Overall Impression: This is an amusing now-what-do-I-do story. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully. (2057 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestion of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
"Game of Thrones" Hello fellow writer. My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: A Symphony of Love and ForgivenessFirst Impression: I love the title of your piece of poetry. It speaks of hope and the essence of what it means to be part of a family. This is a beautiful, lyrical poem. The rhymes are not forced and everything flows gracefully. You took great care to create wonderful imagery. What needs your attention: Nothing, absolutely nothing. Why alter a fantastic bit of writing. I notice the absence of spelling and grammatical errors. What I liked best: As I already stated your imagery is thoughtful and very descriptive. You convey feelings/emotions with just a handful of choice words. "Whispers of sorrow dance with the wind." This suggest the idea that grief is organic and just simply exists like the wind. And like the wind it cannot be controlled. It seems to be everywhere. "Each pang a chain binding her to a past she cannot erase." This is powerful. Memories are eternal and they can imprison people. I like the entire fourth stanza in which the children are adrift in a cold sea of mourning. The fifth stanza is mesmerizing with its promise of hope. "As forgiveness, like a fragile moss slowly covers wounds that once ran deep and slow." This evokes the passage of time, time needed to heal. "As bonds once frayed find their brilliance in the tapestry of love." Yes, families create their closeness with a weave of love. "A symphony plays, a melody of love and forgiveness intertwined." This ties in with the title and sums up your poem. Overall Impression: This is a powerful poem rich with beautiful imagery. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure! What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.(1846 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
"Game of Thrones" Hello fellow writer. My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: It's just a sneezeFirst Impression: This is entertaining and believable. Married couples can and do irritate each other, intentionally, or not. Yes, a sneeze is a natural, uncontrollable reflex. We all sneeze sooner, or later. It can however be annoying. My husband tends to sneeze several times consecutively and never just a lone, single one. That noise is bearable. The blowing of his nose is something else. I refer to it as the goose call. Good for this wife sticking around and taping the noise level of her spouse's sneeze. He somehow does not hear its intensity and/or ignores it. What needs your attention: "It was sneeze, that was it." I believe the word 'a' is missing before the word sneeze. When Renee describes the terrible pain of hearing Robert's sneezes perhaps you could refrain from repeating "my ears" twice in the same sentence. May I suggest you simply write "them" for the second set. What part I liked best: I enjoyed the repartee between this couple. It is humorous and believable. The action of a cold shoulder as a rebuff also is a reality. The husband believing his wife is unreasonably shunning him rings true. He is sensitive to her reactions, but does not consider her reasoning. She sticks around to tape his explosive, high-pitched, natural function. To hear the truth is revealing. It is undeniable proof. I love this line." You know, you could break the sound barrier with that high-pitched sneeze you got going on."Overall Impression> This little slice of marital bliss is amusing. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.(1815 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
"Game of Thrones" Hello fellow writer. My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: Buggers the Cat First Impression: This is a cute story. So, this is a typical campfire creative. You started the story ball rolling and then other writers joined in with their contributions. Each addition further highlights the adventures of Buggers, the cat. The sidelines, the tangents are random and funny. The exploits are only limited by imagination, aren't they? Until you ended it this story had the potential to carry on indefinitely. Each little bit resembled the vague ramblings of a feline. What part needs your attention: Once you unleash this there's not much you can control other than the beginning and the end. You can contribute your creative thoughts, but then other writers continue with their own ideas. You cannot correct their spelling, or grammar. This exercise is to stoke creativity and I suppose free form writing. "Scrambling to his feet, Buggers took one last jest at Fido..." Jest?? Swipe? Peek? Jeer? a jest is a joke, not a verb. Is this a typo, or autocorrect? What part I liked best: I like your introduction. "Light hearted and silly is good." Yes, not all writing need be serious. The storyline rambled everywhere and Buggers lived many of his nine lives with his various escapades. The spontaneity is fun and the surprises prove entertaining. If only it were true that Buggers would amend his explorations and wanderings in favour of staying home where he is safe. Perhaps there will be a sequel? Does Buggers wander off again? felines are the perfect animals for this kind of story-telling. Overall Impression: This story chain proved to be amusing and somewhat believable. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.(1905 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
"Game of Thrones" Hello fellow writer. My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: The Whatever ContestFirst Impression: This was an impressive contest to create and promote. The prompt to write with the number twenty-two in mind is intended as a WDC birthday celebration. That magic number makes for short poetry, or short stories. It may seen like an easy assignment, but sometimes being brief is difficult. Each word matters and must do double duty. I imagine run-on sentences would be discouraged. What needs you attention: I cannot think of anything to suggest. I have never hosted a writing contest here at WDC, or anywhere. What part I liked best: You have created a clear format here. The rules and expectations are not difficult to understand. They are concise. I like that you inform any entrants their offerings could potentially be judged at The Quills level. That is an encouragement. You promote that contest as well. You explain that any writer may nominate a piece of writing to The Quills. You remind others that it still exists. I appreciate that posting links are provided. Half the battle is knowing the how and the where at this site. Newbies aside there is always a first time, isn't there? Given the opportunity to read past prompts, past entries and note what past winners did gives other writers a confidence boost. This also provides new reading and reviewing material. This page is user friendly with highlighted links. Just click and the rest happens. "Judging will be completed...eventually." Hey, you are transparent and honest. Plus you hint that the judging will not be hasty.Overall Impression: This is a great contest. I appreciate that you invested a lot of your energy and enthusiasm to it. Thank yo for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.(1938 characters)DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
"Game of Thrones" Hello fellow writer. My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes.Title: No Dialogue Contest First Impression: This presents an interesting challenge. Writers are prompted to write without any dialogue whatsoever in their pieces. So often, we concentrate upon speech because it defines who we are and what we say and do. Speaking is our main form of communication. We speak when we share oral stories. The creator also states that the entries must be short stories with a maximum word count of seven hundred. No poetry is accepted or anticipated. This would be an intriguing challenge.What needs your attention: I cannot think of anything to suggest for improvements. I have never created and/or hosted a contest. The ones I have entered I accept the stated rules and comply.What part I liked best: The contest specifications are explained succinctly and easy to comprehend. The idea of no dialogue is stressed and examples are provided for edification. The expectation of short stories is emphasized and no poetry is specifically expressed. The rewards are presented in a legible manner. The creator states that spelling and grammar are judging criteria. Reviews of submitted pieces are not promised reviews. No promises are made. Even assistance with the mechanics of linking is offered. I like that any genre is acceptable. This permits the writers to expand their possible entries and perhaps stretch their imaginations. I interpret this as encouragement. No one is coerced or bullied for their entries/attempts. I also like the brief, but sunny line " Have fun." Yes, do not stress over the creative process, or the contest entering.Overall Impression: This is a fantastic contest to consider entering. What have any of us to lose? Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What doe the fox say??? Listen carefully.(1955 characters)DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore do no reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
"Game of Thrones" Hello fellow writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: You Did That On PurposeFirst Impression: Is it any wonder many couples require or should investigate counselling? They certainly know which buttons to push. They are able to bewitch and bother each other with ease. The actual, exact, precise time is not important. The honey-do list is revealed in a series of consecutive questions that serve to delay their departure. Has one of them scored points and secured them upon an unseen scoreboard for future gloating? Ten minutes early, or whenever. What needs your attention: Nothing. I did not notice any glaring spelling errors, or awkward sentence structure. What I liked best: This dialogue, this scenario is lifelike and believable. Married couples can and do nag, nit pick, and tease. What does a mere ten minutes signify? Why can't they depart "ten minutes early"? Why does one ask all the needless questions to delay their departure? What does any of this matter in the grand scheme of things? Petty, irritating things like this occur. One partner has already been nagged to forsake television viewing. Is one of the pair laidback and the other an attention-to-detail fretter? One query proffered and a single word answer as a reply. One 'yes' after another. Who is eager to go now? Who is impatient? This is communication at its finest. The humour of the absolutely unnecessary delay made me chuckle. The lines could be spoken by either partner and it would still be funny. Overall Impression: This is a hilarious slice of married life. I appreciate the laughs. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.(1815 characters)DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
"Game of Thrones" Hello fellow writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: It Was All Her FaultFirst Impression: I had to read to discover whose fault it could be. Okay, someone , the narrator, is stranded in a tree after a night of carousing. He cannot escape while a mountain lion prowls below. He considers several scenarios and settles upon lighting a fire to discourage an attack from the wild creature scoping him out. The ending is probably not a surprise. Fires can be deadly under any and all circumstances. At least the person is free of both the tree and a wild animal. He does retrieve his cell phone which is wonderful because he needs to call for firefighters. What needs your attention: I do not believe you need the word 'though' in the opening sentence. "I didn't explain where everyone went." Should it be 'it' not 'I'? I suggest dropping the word 'and'. "I searched the bag again and all my pockets. I couldn't find it." It is not 'laying." It is 'lying.' The mountain lion is lying not laying. The final set of quotation marks is missing at the end of your final sentence. I am not sure this entire story needed to be written with quotation marks. We understand who is doing all the talking. What I liked best: I appreciated the understated, subtle humour in this piece. The hero accepts he is in a dangerous predicament and he runs through various measures in his head. He decides upon a risky manoeuvre not anticipating the equally risky outcome. Burning boxers as a mountain lion deterrent is unique. I am assuming it was a successful ploy because the now unstranded speaker reminds the forest ranger he used his phone to call for help with his unintended fire. Overall Impression: This is quite the tall tale and one to share at many future get-togethers. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.(2001 characters)DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
"Game of Thrones" Hello fellow writer! My name is Sandra. I am one of the sly foxes. Title: The Forever DreamFirst Impression: Whew! You describe quite the tumultuous dream sequence. This lives up to its simple title. The dream repeats on a continuous loop. This is definitely not the type of dream a beloved parent may wish upon a child. There's no sweetness whatsoever. What needs your attention: Nothing. I cannot suggest any edits, or corrections.What I liked best: This is a dark, terrifying, inescapable nightmare. The pace and the descriptions emphasize this. "It seemed the night itself was pressing against me like a living creature." That sets a foreboding tone and a dismal picture. The night is not inanimate, but reactionary. I have seen tress that could be categorized as 'colossus.' So much better than 'large', or 'tall'. I like the impressive verbs that describe the narrator's attempts to escape, "scuttling, scraping, hitching and humping." I can feel the struggle. "Some trees were so heavily veined with termites that the wood looked leprous." That is fantastic imagery. The first person point of view fuels this story and pitches it along especially in the turbulent water. The struggle seems real and violent. The dread builds and never ceases. The large, black font lends itself to this story's theme, too. The descriptions of the splintered and smashed trees further supports/reiterates the non-stop bleak nightmare. No matter what the subject does or doesn't do he returns to the same damaged trees and the same cold river. Repeat, react, repeat, react.Overall Impression: This is one powerful , horrific, frightening, repetitive nightmare of desperation and futility. Cue the thundering, ominous music. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure. What does the fox say??? Listen carefully.(1934 characters) DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions in this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.
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