Evolution of love

That Compassionate Touch

Dreams about Mataji can be narrated by many of us. Mine is a gift to those who are dreamers like myself. I dreamt I was strolling through a rural lane The path moved in a zigzag manner, and beautiful flowers and green
creepers were visible on both sides of the fences. There were gardens and villas on either side. Occasionally there would be an isolated cottage. I reached a cottage that was visible from the lane. I slowed down my pace and stood at the garden-gate and observed that Mataji could be seen on the veranda of the cottage. When I saw her, I entered the gate and seemed to have reached my destination.

When I approached Mataji, I was startled to find that she had a baby on her lap. What was this? There was no one else whom I could ask. I looked at Mataji. She glanced at me but immediately was all attention to the child.How was the infant related to Ma? What an odd question to ask! Are we not all her children? But the question persisted in my mind. I was, no
doubt, her son but in what sense was the baby hers?

What did it matter if he happened to be the physical son of Mother? So I argued in my dream. Mataji was, all the time, fondling the baby. I thought to myself to put the question in a suitable form. "How does the baby get his
nourishment," I asked. Mataji smiled, "Baby does not like milk from outside, I have to suckle him." I felt compassion for Mataji and I began to scrutinize her appearance. She looked considerably reduced and her collarbones were visible. Surely the child was a demon who was sucking her blood and living on it. I began to detest the child. The baby, too, detested me perhaps. Lying on Mataji's lap, he began to stamp his foot on the ground. Was he not kicking at me? So I thought.

Suddenly my feelings changed in my dream. He was, after all, Mataji's own son. If I could love her so much, could I not love her child as well? I looked at the child and tried to feel love for him. Mataji saw my affectionate looks and said, "Would you like to take the baby on your lap?"Realizing that Mataji might get some relief, I at once sat down and extended my arms. Mataji placed the child on my lap. I felt delighted. I began to ask myself, how could I atone for my earlier resentment towards
the baby? I had thought of him as a demon. I thought that he wanted to
kick me.

So if I love him, I must touch him affectionately. I thus touched his right foot and in the inmost depths of my heart tried to feel that I really loved him. But now something occurred that can happen only in a dream. His foot dropped out as if it were an artificial one and along with it the entire leg came out, stuck to my hand and dragged my hand towards my own right leg. There the child's limb vanished. I was extremely upset. I quickly
placed my fingers on the baby's left foot. The same thing happened: the left foot merged into my own in a similar manner. His right arm and then left,and afterwards all other parts of his tiny body which I was quick in grasping one after another thinking of them to be separate tangible entities,proved deceptive in the same way, and so the wee form merged into my body, limb by limb, one part after another.

Mataji was looking at me and gauging my quick movements and my growing bewilderment. I also fixed my gaze on her, saying, "Mataji, What is this? This baby, your own baby, is it my own self? Am I this child who looks so ugly and is fond of kicking others and always sucking your life-blood out of you? Do tell me, is it myself? Mataji, do tell me please."

I looked staggered. My whole body was pulsating with excitement. Mataji laughed in her own sweet way. Her peals of laughter were so thrilling and prolonged that they entered into the very marrow of my being. My anxious state, my petty self, in short, my startling dream, all disappeared in that winkling of an eye.

I was wide awake. It was almost morning. But though no more sleeping, I could still hear Ma's laughter ringing in my ears as if echoing through my room, ultimately finding its way to the world abroad, to mingle with the
horizon. It was Mataji who transcended my all and yet left me full. One chapter of my dream-life was over.