Angel Whispers

Don't be Alarmed

Had a fabulous week away in and around Bridlington with my sister. Mixed weather, mixed emotions, mixed cuisine, mixed fluid intake and mixed activities. Naturally there was a lot of hilarity/confusion/chaos/blunders and laughter.

When I returned home on Sunday I had forgotten that I had left son and family in the house when I set off on the train. They had kindly left me all the toys, pots, and debris to clear up. I shall be having strong words with my grand monsters when I see them. Yeah right. I may even hit them with a wet noodle.

I also noticed immediately an intermittent honking sound coming from upstairs. I knew it wasn't the burglar alarm as that doesn't work. (Any burglars reading please note I am clearing out and have nothing worth breaking in for anyway) I eventually worked out it was the smoke alarm which makes a horrible sound when the batteries need changing.

Now I wouldn't class myself as pint sized, but could never claim to be tall, so reaching things like trip switches, light bulbs, high shelves and such has never been my job. The smoke alarm is positioned on the trap door to the loft and even standing on a stool it took all my stretching ability and strength to detach it. It continued to make the irritating noise every minute or so, but there was no way I could open it to remove the dying batteries. After several hours of trying and going nuts with the noise I decided to approach the problem scientifically and smashed it with a hammer. It didn't break the plastic casing, but after a loud scream it shut up at least.

The following day as temperatures plummeted, I discovered my radiators are not generating any heat. I can manage basic tasks like changing a light bulb (when I can reach it) mending a fuse and using a screwdriver, but my skills as an electrician, plumber and DIY expert are sadly lacking.

As evening drew in and I sat shivering with no heating on, the aforementioned smoke alarm decided to revive itself. Ultimately I had to wrap it in a towel and place it at the back of a cupboard in the kitchen in order to ensure some undisturbed sleep.

The following day a friend and her husband visited. I told them about my problems with the boiler and the smoke alarm. Believing the male of the species may be able to help in these situations was a mistake. Ray claimed he thought he had sorted the boiler, but on investigation I discovered he'd only managed to switch off my kitchen radio at the mains. . After another hour of serious study he concluded the smoke alarm had nothing to do with my heating not working. Well who knew?

So after they had left I crammed the still honking smoke alarm into my bag and set off on foot for the local hardware store beeping every step of the way. A kind gentleman managed to remove the batteries which I will not be replacing for fear of the ear piercing screeching starting up again. With my luck the problem with the heating may result in a house fire with no functioning smoke alarm to wake me from my slumbers.

Oh well, if things go to plan I won't be living here much longer and my whole life is hopefully about to change in many ways. I leave it all to fate.