Can We Talk 2

Hearing Impaired

         My hearing is not so perfect. It's a family trait. My grandfather, both his sisters, my uncle, now my dad. You always had to yell at them, but they never got mad about it. My dad gets mad when you raise your voice to him. You have to make it a little louder each time, and he keeps asking you to repeat it. So I try really hard to make it sound just loud, but natural, not angry or frustrated.

         Here's the zinger. He told my cousin I screamed at him twice. Twice! I was flabbergasted. He has very vivid dreams and talks in his sleep. Maybe he dreamed I screamed at him. But at any rate, that means he thinks I'm abusing him. He has no idea how hard it is to live with someone who can't hear you, who won't make any effort to learn alternate communication, like writing notes, or hand signals. Hearing aids won't help him. So often I want to tell him things, but I know he won't hear enough of it to understand the whole situation.

         There are other times, he pretends to hear me or he misunderstands what I've said, which becomes apparent at some later time. I build my schedule around him and his medical appointments. I clean up after his mistakes and spills. Tonight I got up to go to the bathroom during one of my old TV shows. He was sound asleep and snoring in the same room. As soon as I left the room, he got up, sat in front of the TV and watched the same old TV news shows, so that he can hear the same old reports over and over. So much for my show.

         We did fix the TV for closed captions; that helps him a lot. We don't have to blast the neighbors out now. Being a caretaker for someone, even if that person is still somewhat independent is a hard job. At least I'm not dealing with dementia, although we are seeing some personality changes and new bad habits that no one has ever seen before.

         I'm talking about someone who has led a good life and has been a good person. I can only imagine a selfish person, or really crabby person, declining and losing his or her hearing. That hearing loss makes the person feel cut off and alone and a little helpless. I would never scream at him. It really bothers me that he thinks I have.