Angel Whispers

And Anniversaries

Thirty-seven years ago today on a bright and breezy afternoon at four 'o clock my life was about to completely change. I was perfectly aware of this as it was the day I first became a married woman. I remember it all very clearly, despite feeling very nervous and a little apprehensive if I'm honest. I'd just turned thirty, which seemed old in those days to be getting hitched for the first time. My husband had been married before and at that time a second marriage could not take place in a church, so it was a simple register office wedding. I wore purple.

I think back to the morning visit to the hairdressers, the favourite dinner my mother cooked for me before the event, all the wonderful family and friends who shared our day, many gone from this earth and others gone from my life for other reasons and it all seems such a short time ago. I remember writing a blog entry on our silver wedding anniversary and can hardly believe that was twelve years ago and here I am still blogging on WDC.

This will be my second anniversary alone. Last year I was still in hospital, though thankfully recovering and surrounded by new friends and caring staff. My husband always presented me with red roses on our anniversary no matter what the circumstances or mood, so last year I bought some myself and everyone commented on how beautifully they opened up and the length of time they lasted, almost as if they were blessed.

This year is harder. Time is a strange thing and it's not a simple matter of it being a healer as some think. The things I miss now are not what I would have predicted or expected and my life is totally different from last year as well as the thirty-five years I spent with my husband. I feel more vulnerable somehow and life problems with family, finances, formalities, health and loneliness are constant companions. Change is a given in this life and none of us know what can happen in a moment to send us reeling onto a different and often difficult path.

But I have purchased my roses and arranged them carefully, hoping against hope they will flourish as last year's did.

Happy Anniversary David. I miss you more than I could ever have imagined.