Blog

A day off

I am in the process of getting ready to give meds. My thoughts radiate as I battle with my own sickness. I am journaling to deal with stress that I have not had to deal with up until now. It is life and my decision to not live in fear, trusting in the process of going forward in love, knowing only good will come from such a quest.

And it began at a time when I needed a drug or friend of some kind and for whatever reason it was no where to be found. I was at a counsellors office with dad. I had worked that summer. I met with my doctor and a return to college was in sight....

I think looking back it was a crush that was the problem and not knowing what to do about it. It was a drug that was not on stock. At the age of twenty one, I thought I found love and was fearful of knowing rejection or even the more powerful reality that "I WAS NOT LOVED".

And now my mind reflects on the task ahead, back to school to know...I need the name of the drug, the time given, the dosage, the route by which it gets there, the right person to give this drug to and of course the method whereby it gets there. The key is to lock from chapter to the next so no one takes the drug, wash hands, prepare, administration, and evaluation.

Back to the story. I get to the office and they put me in a State hospital, which is Eerie and the place I currently occupy in Pennsylvania by Lake Erie. I am having trouble getting out of my self imposed prison as I work with intellectually disabled, reminding me of the time I was in a state hospital where they couldn't get the meds right. I was locked up and not liking it. I need a friend to take me to a different place, who will that be?