A Piece Of My Heart

Where have I been and why did I leave?

So, I've been gone a while. Haha! Understatement of the century! I've been gone since late 2013, I believe, but I was never completely "gone." I was always "lurking," as we used to say in scroll. I would check in on WDC every morning as I lay in bed resisting getting up to start the day. I would browse my Newsfeed, check for emails, see if I had any notifications, and that was about it. I watched from the outside when Trinkets were introduced, when custom Group MBs popped on the scene, and when all those new Emoticons were released every year at the Birthday Celebration. Crazy to think about all the changes that this site has gone through over the years. I'm happy for those changes, but more happy that the spirit of this place has stayed constant and the passion of the writers here has never faded, even though people leave and new ones come to replace them.

When I was last here regularly, I was finishing my senior year of high school in Hawaii and getting ready to move on to college (or maybe I had already started my freshman year, I forget). In any case, a lot has changed since then. An abridged version is as follows.

Moved to MN for college, had a great experience as a student manager at the campus library, spent six months in Australia for a study abroad program, graduated with a major in Biology, minor in Geology, joined an 11 month AmeriCorps service program called GreenCorps, and spent a year serving my community and learning about stormwater pollution and community engagement. Now, my GreenCorps service has just ended and I'm in limbo waiting for a call back on a few things, but I'll get into that later.

I left WDC in the midst of a dramatic rebellion on my part and betrayal by someone I trusted, someone I originally met on WDC, if you'll believe it. That person was a great friend, but became controlling, overbearing, and demeaning. Slowly, of course, so I had no idea it was happening. An emotionally abusive relationship, now that I've had space to look back on it as an older and hopefully wiser person. For me, coming back to WDC too early would stir up all those feelings again, and I wasn't ready, so I stayed away.

So, why now? Why is now the right time to come back? First, my time as a GreenCorps member gave me space to explore things I was good at in a work setting, and one of those things was writing. It quickly became clear to my co-workers that, not only did I actually like writing, I was good at it too. By my second month, my supervisor was bringing me reports to read and edit, and others in the office were asking my opinion on sentence structure for brochures and the like. I realized I was happy using my brain in that way, and truly felt useful. But, I also felt a bit like an impostor because I hadn't written for fun in nearly 4 years. And I wanted to change that.

Second, I had always worried about having time to write while in college. I worried my passion for writing would somehow take away from my studies and be a distraction, but I realize now, I was mistaken. Writing is an escape, a meditation, a release. I probably wouldn't have been so stressed if I had allowed myself time and space to write and explore the worlds in my brain. Now, I want to rediscover my love for writing and make new associations with it so I can start writing as a hobby again.

And finally, I genuinely missed this place. I missed the friends I had made, I missed the community in general, I missed being excited during the birthday celebrations, I missed being anxious about my contest entries, I missed reading the thoughts of fellow writers in their blogs, I missed being responsible for hosting contests and auctions, and I missed the opportunity WDC gave me to escape and enjoy my alone time.

Now, my life is at another transition, but this time I want to focus on integrating WDC into my new life rather than pushing it away. Remember I said I was waiting on some call backs? Well, I've applied and interviewed for a position at the agency where my GreenCorps position was hosted (It's a long story, but basically, my service created the need and desire for this position, so it would be foolish of them to hire anyone else to fill it), and I've also applied for a Graduate Certification program in Environmental Education. The job would be 3/4 time at 30 hours a week, and the Certificate would be online for 10 hours a week, so the timing is all perfect if it works out. I'll be sure to let you know what happens.

I'm excited to get reacquainted with the friends I ghosted and meet new people as well. Thanks for reading! Take care!

-Emily