The Bologna Blog

Emotions of my life.

There are days when I return home from work that I just want to cry.It is comparable wanting to kiss the ground after being marooned on a Giligan's island for months at a time. The tension is often unbearable, never knowing what is coming next. You keep your emotions in check while working but the dam wants to burst when you reach the doorstep of safety. After washing, eating, sleeping, and hugging loved ones in my social space, the tension is released, but will be resurrected soon. I had hoped that writing would be my healthy mental outlet but folks the exhaustion is real. I stare at the computer keys hoping to put down on paper the roller coaster view of my days, but the emotions refuse to be encapsulated. I am proud to be a nurse and it gives me many moments of joy along the way, but there are times when I feel like a cowardice. It the fear of being infected or worse carrying it to my family. It is the constant threat with each new patient encountered, just one mistake (missing symptoms) places them and me in extreme danger. It is the thought that in a moment of stupidity I might forget one step in the difficult road map of my PPE placement. It is the giddy nervous laughter and jokes shared by my co-workers that remind me they are in same fight as myself. I see the hospital housekeepers cleaning rooms and I can't help but thank them for their dedication. I see dietary delivering meals and I have to resist hugging them for doing their jobs. Patient Care Techs willing to stand along side me without the social acknowledgement being given to nurses makes me want to shout. I see teachers redesigning a whole new way of learning. When I drive home from work, I am often overwhelmed by the sight of a semi, carrying a trucker just doing his job, but supplying us with the needed items essential for life.If there is one message I will carry away from this pandemic, it is that America has good people doing good things for good people and good reasons. We are all in this together!