Evolution of Love 2

Revelation of Ma’s True Identity

On a Monday, seven days after dīkshā, I sat down as part of My domestic routine for the morning prayers. There was no significant sign of any kriyā. After performing a few rites I got up, but as My limbs were unsteady - as if in a state of intoxication, I started the day’s cooking while being seated. After everyone finished lunch I sat down again to do the sandhyā.
During the day while at pūjā I usually kept the door partly closed. After a while Bholānāth and Nishi babu, My maternal cousin, entered the room. I continued to sit, veiled and absorbed in pūjā. Nishi babu said to Bholānāth, “Don’t you say anything? Indulging in such rites before initiation is not good. Why don’t you ask Her what She is doing sitting like this?” So saying he left the room, but then returned and said to Bholānāth, “Ask Her what She is doing.” By then the yogic kriyās had begun and I kept sitting in the same absorbed manner. My cousin was unaware of the kriyās taking place in My body and, while sitting on My right with Bholānāth, he kept urging, “Go on, ask Her!”
This Body heard this clearly and then suddenly, without changing position, I turned My head towards them and said, “What is it that you want to ask?” So loudly and forcefully had I spoken and such was My demeanour that it startled and frightened Nishi babu, who drew back hurriedly and with folded hands asked in an awed voice, “Who are You?” (Evidently the questioner believed Mā was possessed and wanted to identify the entity possessing Her! ) But in that instant this Body had returned to Her calm and smiling self, saying, “What! Are you frightened? No, no, do not fear, do not fear, do not fear!” and the right hand went up forming an abhaya mudrā - gesture of protection and reassurance. After this the Body, while still in the same āsana, turned from a north-facing to an east-facing position.
My cousin was older than Me and I called him Thakur bhāi. According to the prevalent norms, I never spoke to Bholānāth in his presence and always kept Myself carefully veiled. However, at that moment My sense of modesty seemed to have been blown away like the wind blowing clothes and I was hardly aware that My clothes were in fact in a state of disarray. This Body seemed to be observing Herself from the outside as if She were a different entity.
When Thakur bhāi and Bholānāth asked, “Who are You?” Slowly the words emerged, ‘Pūrna Brahma Nārāyan’(The Supreme Being, with and without attributes and beyond.) With the two of them earnestly discussing between themselves whether or not a feminine form should be Nārāyanī and their repeatedly asking Me “Who are You?”, the words came out one after another: ‘Mahādev, Mahādevī, Nārāyan, Nārāyanī and so on.’
Bholānāth asked Me, “If You are indeed Pūrna Brahma Nārāyan and all else that You say You are, why are You speaking in this unnatural manner?”
The answer came, “At present this Body appears to be in a human form as perceived by You, so the behaviour is in accordance with that.”
Again Bholānāth asked, “What were You doing?”
To which I responded, “I was engaged in sandhyā pūjā.”
Bholānāth objected, “But You have not been initiated!”
Again the answer came, “From your point of view that occurred on the night of the last Jhulan Pūrnimā.”
Bholānāth then queried, “Who am I?”
The answer came, “You are That - Mahādev.” (A correlation may be established with the installation of Shiv-linga at the Siddheswari holy spot in Dhaka by the name of Mahādev)
“When will I have my initiation?”
The answer came, “In the month of Agrahāyan.”
Bholānāth asked, “On which date?”
The answer came, “On the 15th” (Friday, December 1, 1922)
All the details were given in answer to his questions. Both Thakur bhāi and Bholānāth then asked, “Who will give the initiation?”
This Body pointed to Herself, saying, “I”.
They then consulted an almanac to find that it not only corroborated these details but that it was also a very auspicious day for initiation. The two of them again consulted one another and Bholānāth asked, “Well, tell us what will be the star on that day?” The answer to that too came out instantly, but since he was not conversant with the names of all the stars, Bholānāth did not quite grasp it. So the words then came out, “Janaki babu, who lives next door, has not yet left for work, go and ask him.” They were still debating whether or not to fetch him when this Body made as if to go Herself, saying “So shall I call in Janaki babu?” Fearing that She would go out as She was, with Her clothes in such disarray, Bholānāth hastened out and brought Janaki babu back with him.
On his arrival, Janaki babu confirmed that the star She had named - Rohinī - was correct. Hours went by while the three of them discussed, deliberated, and asked questions. At one time, they asked this Body, “What is the Rohinī star?”
The answer given was, “Whoever Rohinī is – I am the same.”
Janaki babu asked once again, “Who are You?”
Slowly and calmly came the reply, “Pūrna Brahma Nārāyan.”
Janaki babu then said, “You are shaitān (the devil)!” Much later he repeated, “You are shaitān, shaitāni (female devil)!”
This Body then started laughing aloud and uttered the words, “What I have said is correct. Whatever you may all say, you are just testing Me.”
Then they said, “What is the proof that You are indeed Pūrna Brahma Nārāyan?”
“You want to see?”
On speaking these words, a wonderful change came over this Body. Thakur bhāi and Janaki babu continued to talk earnestly some distance away. This Body asked Bholānāth to come and sit nearby and when he did, while reciting a mantra She touched the crown of his head with Her hand. Immediately, with the sound of ‘Om’ on his lips, Bholānāth became absolutely motionless while sitting in an āsana on the ground. Having lost all sense of the outside world, he sat with eyes upturned and half opened,36 so totally motionless that Ashu, returning from school and finding him in that state for quite sometime, started crying. This Body sat quietly and amusedly observed these events.
Thakur bhāi consulted Janaki babu. Soon Janaki babu came up to Me in an agitated manner saying, “Now please bring Ramani babu (Bholānāth) back to a normal state, we beseech You.” A little later this Body once again touched Bholānāth on the crown of his head and gradually he more or less returned to the condition that they desired. Bholānāth said, “I cannot describe where and in what a blissful state I was all this time.” The day was drawing to an end and, donning once again the sense of modesty and arranging Her clothes, this Body reverted to Her household duties.

At this point Mā was asked about the state She had induced in Bholānāth, “Was this the real thing?” Mā replied, “This was merely a touch, a step towards self realization. But the experience was certainly not a mere illusion or a magic show.”
Then Mā continued to narrate, “Continuously weeping and earnestly requesting with folded hands, they pressed Me repeatedly to bring Bholānāth back to normal. Although this was done, was he able to express fully what his demeanour seemed to indicate? Everything cannot be expressed. The Supreme Being is inexpressible, indescribable, and perfect. Don’t think that this was only a transitory experience. Remember that this entire creation, in whatever condition, is wholly under His control.
Janaki babu was Usha didi’s husband, a man of simple and peaceful disposition. I learnt later that it was in order to vex Me that he had repeatedly called me a ‘she-devil’. He apparently had thought that I was possessed by some supernatural spirit. This belief of his later vanished completely. This Body had never before appeared openly before him. That was the first time that we met and conversed. Afterwards he would come to meet this Body in the āshram at Dhaka and laugh over his delusion. Apparently he had been surprised and startled by Her moods and trances. He later developed a deep regard for this Body and profound faith in Her.
The question was put to Mā in great earnest, “Mā, the words ‘Pūrna Brahma Nārāyan’ that You uttered, inevitably brings to mind the question whether this is a state attained by sādhanā or are You that Ultimate, Absolute Self?” When pressed for an answer, Mā replied, “Oh! this Little Girl is what She is and so also Her revelation. Is this state achievable by sādhanā? Are you thinking only of the four-armed form (As per the traditional iconography of Lord Nārāyan)?” Soon after She said solemnly, “Try to know Me - where there is no doubt or controversy. Is it possible to transcend doubt with this mind of yours?”