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 |  If you havent ever read my blogs, give them a go! You will be amused at my journey! |
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Me and Holo-Zoo are building a submarine here next to the pond. We're determined that we're gonna find out what's at the bottom of this damn thing... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ... If you're new to my journal, you've got a lot of catching up to do. So, don't be a slacker, get the full story. Here are my first two journals for your reading torture.
You don't have to read them all at once. Print 'em, and take them to that little reading room with the white chair. You know you love to read in there. Or print 'em out and use them as doorstops, bookends, or paperweights. You may prefer to leave a message on my voice mail. I award weekly Gift Points for clever, and or entertaining messages left there.
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| I'm starting to get a taste of what this job is going to be like, and I think I'm going to like it. That's fortunate since I just about mortgaged my future with this company by accepting it in the first place. They've already sunk a ton of money it setting it all up for me, and I'm pretty much committed to this for the long haul. This week KK and I visited three customers. One was a municipal Water/Sewer plant, where we got scolded by the Administrator for taking up his office manager's time finding a discrepancy, which was necesarry considering she'd filed her 3rd quarter report including four months worth of payroll instead of only three. We found the mistake and pointed it out for them, mostly because we're nice that way. Mr. Lidell lightened up a little bit after that. We may have come in wearing black coats, but on the way out we wore white. Another company was an Auto Service shop, with a little parts store attached. Those folks were nice, happy to see us, and wondered why we didn't show up early enough to have taken them out to lunch. The owner there swears that he doesn't do any work in the shop, no fixing of cars, no dealing with customers at all, but he always wears a work shirt with his name above the pocket. That's usually pretty clear evidence that he does do some work. Who wears one of those shirts unless they have to? But KK believes him when he says he only does office work for some reason. I, myself, have to wonder. But on we go... Yesterday we went out to do a new business audit. It's not final audit, but more like a hey-how-do-you-do. We pick up a payroll sample, walk through the operations, ask a few questions and then motor on. I learned all about concrete pumping trucks, of all things. Pretty interesting, believe it or not, but I'll spare you the details. Suffice it to say, it's a good idea not to stand in the hopper at the back of the truck. There's an auger in there that will rip your leg off and try to pump you through the hose. I finally have the home office set up, and when the demons inside either my personal laptop or the broadband connection decide to behave, I can actually get online here at my desk, which I am doing now. The nice leather chair I got with part of the allowance has some nice new cat scratches on the back where Mr. Jankins decided to claw it up for me. He's not allowed in the room anymore. I think the threat of decapitation and or paw removal may work for a little while. If not, we also threw a blanket around the chair for good measure. Using the Blackberry was a pain in the ass at first. But something clicked yesterday after fighting with the damn thing for a week. It's a good thing to be able to check my email from wherever I happen to be. I was even able to get online with my bank to verify that my direct deposit went through. Yes, direct deposit. You heard me right. I also applied for a debit card. Gone are the days when I walk in and out of the bank every week. Unbelievable, I know, but we all have to grow up and get some big-boy pants sometime, I suppose. Whether we like it or not. So far, all the travel has been little local jaunts, day trips where I make it back home every day, just like usual. We'll have a trip to San Antonio, and then one to Houston in the next few weeks, but this week I'll be in the office again accept on Tuesday where we'll try to squeeze in three local visits and still try to get home for dinner. The new laptops should be in, one for me, and one for the auditor in Dallas. That's what Monday will be about, installing applications and getting used to everything. If all goes as planned, the Altima should arrive this week, too. It seriously needs to hurry up, because without it, KK has to pick me up every morning when we have appointments, even if that means driving an hour off the planned route to get me. Then he has to take me home again when we're finished. Anyway, I'm finding it difficult to think in a creative fashion these days. I certainly don't have the opportunity or imagination to write much during the day anymore, but maybe that will change. My new routine is establishing itself beneath my feet, and it's not finished yet. I'll figure it out soon, but for now I have to let this thing develop. Once I get a handle on how to kick ass at this job, then I'll know where my free time lies and where it doesn't. At the moment, I'm completely not calling the shots, just letting the chips fall where they may, watching it all unfold in front of me. One thing I love though, is having my entire calendar on my Blackberry available at a moment's notice. I never was the kind of person to keep a calendar at all. I guess I could say that I sort of flew by the seat of my pants, but that makes it sound like I actually had important things to put on a calendar, which is quite untrue. Now I do, the idea being to schedule at least two, maybe three audits per day during the early part of the week, and then leave a day and half or so, in order to work up the numbers on an excel spreadsheet. And what a spreadsheet it is. Oh my gosh. If you know how to plug in the numbers, using the right formulas, and utilizing some nifty cell referencing, you can rock through an audit in record time. I'm looking forward to being able to kick some serious butt on that thing, and I'm getting there. Understanding the reasons why this goes here and that goes there is crucial to me, and I want to understand all the reasoning behind it first. That's the best way to learn for me. So, consequently I'm asking a lot of "why" questions. KK is a patient teacher though, and he has the answers I need. I couldn't have asked for a better boss. He's a stickler for details though, which is good because in the audit profession it's all about the numbers and putting them in the right place, and having everything balance in the end. It's a precise profession, which is alot different from throwing a handful of cattle crap on the side of a barn and seeing what sticks. I can deal with that. Exceept for that last part, this has got to be one of the driest journal entries I've ever written. It sounds like a description of operations. The insured is engaged in the business of pumping wet concrete for construction companies. They have a fleet of ten trucks, nine of which have long booms ranging from 45 to 145 feet. The drivers on payroll drive up to the construction site and park. A concrete truck backs up to the pump truck and dumps concrete into a hopper which by using an auger pumps concrete through ten-foot lengths of flexible hose. The boom can then deposit the concrete anywhere it chooses to, over power lines across impassable terrain, or across other areas where it might be difficult, if not impossible to back up a concrete truck. The insured has nine drivers in Austin, and one in Temple. They have an asministrative staff of three, which includes the owner's wife, an executive officer excluded from coverage. There are no permanent yard employees, per se, but the drivers will perform maintenance and cleaning on their trucks during days when they are not driving. Code 8227 Permanent YArd does not apply, as there is an interchange of labor between Drivers and Yard Employees. The insured was advised that if records are kept detailing the time spent in the yard, and time spent driving, then they could get the benefit of the lower rated code. Until then all remuneration will go into the governing code. Overtime is paid at time and a half. The workers' compensation subscriber notice was observed posted in the employee breakroom. There are no casual, part time, or temporary help on staff. No subcontractors or leasing personnel are used. Totally exciting, isn't it? Zoo - Salted and Roasted   ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 7:18am, and another day begins. What with all of the shifts to my schedule, I'm finding it hard to keep up my daily writing analgesic. I'm learning a lot, though, and the assessment test that I bombed earlier was quite abit easier the second time around, now that I know what I need to work on. I only missed two questions this time, and those were just incomplete answers. We re-arranged the bedroom over the last few days, in order to accomodate a desk, a chair, and a filing cabinet, all of which the company paid for and I get to keep "in the event of termination". Their reasoning is that since home office furniture doesn't go well with professional office furniture, the company would have no use for my desk and my chair if I ever left the company. $650.00 was allotted to me for these purchases, and I wasted no time in getting my ass down to Office Depot for a little shopping spree. The down side is "assembly required". I've been working on it until after 10:00 each night and it's still not put together all the way. I still have three drawers and 3 doors to build tonight, and my lilly white office hands are tired of turning a screwdriver. Big Tiny used to say I had pink finger disease, that dreaded affliction that comes with being a white collar worker. Your hands get all soft and tender, so that when you do real manual labor like using a shovel, or hand tools, you get blisters and piss and moan about how you sure are glad you don't do this for a living. The only joy I get out of building things is seeing them come together, but the process itself is sheer torture. The only thing that keeps me going is an eye fixed firmly on the prize, the finished product. I'll have a nice home office when this is done, and I truly can't wait. Today, I am scheduling audits, a process that involves prioritizing policies that need audits, and coordination the visits by location so as to plan the most efficient road trips around the state. Mapquest and I will become good friends today. Texas is huge. I have my blackberry, my appointment book, my breifcase, my desk, my chair, my filing cabinet, my APA 91 and 92 books, my corporate card and some training under my belt, but we still have not gone out into the field yet. Tomorrow will be the first time we do that. We'll be going up to Waco, (remember the Branch Davidians?) and I'll be watching Kelly's every move, listening to everything he says, how he says it, and how he goes about conducting the audit. Next week the company car should arrive, and the first week of October we should be on the road pretty steadily. Today or tomorrow the laptop should arrive, and then I can really get rolling. Zach got a haircut! And I do mean a haircut. His hair is almost as short as mine now. He finally got tired of his long hair. I think it looks good. Makes him look more studious and a little older, too, I think. The back of his neck is so very white.  I hope every last one of you are doing well. And now, it's mapquest and coffee. Not exactly in that order. Adieu, Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Gesundheit. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Well, crap. My beloved Longhorns lost yesterday and again I say thee, crap, and crap again. I felt that the Horn's defense would stand up, and play well and I was right about that. I fully expected Ohio State to score plenty of points, but I was hoping that our freshman quarterback would at least be able to keep up with them. Crap on a stick. He wasn't very impressive out there last night. Every time something good happened, something bad happened right after that. Fumble on the 3 yard line and instead of scoring 7, they almost get three. Our line didn't give poor Colt McCoy enough time to throw it, and he got bashed around quite a bit as a result. The time we did score seven was on the heels of a questionable personl foul called on Ohio Sate, when Colt just got creamed by a guy. I didn't see anything wrong with the tackle. The defender didn't lower his head and spear the QB helmet to helmet, at all. There was incidental helmet to helmet contact, but nothing hateful or dangerous. Anyway, our drive continued as a result of the call and we were gifted seven points. I didn't even watch the last five minutes of the game, because we were already three possessions down, and Vince Young was suited up. I went into Zach's room and played Tiger Woods golf and beat the Hustler 4 and 3 in match play. I was so disgusted with the Horn's offense that I needed to walk away and go win at something. I think it should be against the rules for somebody to leave school early and go to the NFL. If there was a rule against it, Vince Young would have been back this year, no questions asked, without another thought, and UT football could dominate two years in a row at least, with Vince taking over games like this one and carrying tacklers and the rest of our team on his back like a man among boys. I understand the draw of the money, the chance to go to the NFL like you always dreamed about, to be able to take care of your Mom back home, and all that jazz. But if you were forced to graduate first and going pro that early wasn't even an option, nobody would even think about it any differently and Vince would have won that game yesterday. Crap. Vince is gone. There goes the 21 game winning streak, the nice cushy ranking, the home game winning streak, and bragging rights over Ohio State. Not to mention, I don't think we get a shot at them next year, either. Say it ain't so, Vince. Say it ain't so. Grim was at least cool about it. He had this smirk on his face the whole rest of the night, but he didn't talk too much smack. He did let me pay the bar tab, though. 3000 for lap dances, beer and peanuts, shots for all his friends, and wow, I didn't realize he had so many damn friends! Congreat on the win, grimble. Crap. We lost. I'm glad I'm not an overly obsessed fan or something. This kind of thing could have sent me into a severe depression. Where was the offense? Why were we able to get rolling sometimes, but then look completely flat at other times? How come we didn't give the ball to Jamaal Charles and Selvin Young more often? How come the line couldn't protect McCoy? These and many other questions will never be answered and will only serve to ball my stomach up in knots, so I'd better leave it at all here and not think too much about it anymore. I've got other things to think about right now anyway, like when the hell is that damned company car going to get here? I'm going to need it this week. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, Kelly and I will be going out into the field on a few appointments, and then the real fun begins. ... this journal entry has been brought to you by my fingertips, the ceiling fan slowly spinning above me, and the snores of Little Bear asleep on his big boy comforter under the window... such a fatty boy... Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| There's a doghouse rose that God knows I didn't send soon enough, sittin' in the middle of our crippled kitchen table, barely standin' up from where our kitchen was. Kevin Fowler's Hard Man to Love I just love the phrase "doghouse rose". Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Now wasn't that just incredible. See how I did that? How I managed to empty my mind of all the new terminoligies and phrases that I've been studying? I emptied them straight into a rowdy, free-verse poetry format without even blinking an eyeball. Really, though. I didn't sweat myself one little bit in that last journal entry. You have to admit, you were at least surprised to see "tradespeak" show up in a free verse-looking format like that, right? Still, as simple as it sounds, I can't tell you how satisfying it was to spill some technical jargon on the page in a creative fashion like that ... you can tell right away that I didn't spend any real time on it. But still, as easy as it was to accomplish, it definitely spoke to me in some way. Technical talk, terminology + POETRY? It was that idea of "combining two worlds" for me that was very ... satisfying. Simple, but cleansing, and refreshing in a way. And I still haven't even DONE anything really, huh? Just sort of thinking about it. Yeah. And now I'm leaving to go move in with the hippies that live up on Mulberry Lane, so we can talk about verbage and herbage and bitch about how everyone else has it all wrong, and how WE'RE really on the right track, and it's the REST of the world that's going to Hell in a handbasket, not us. But for all that may be worth, it's still always cool to have an equalizer, an outlet, a balancing tool like creative writing can be. Or music. Or writing. Or music. Or painting. Or golf. Or music. Or writing. Or writing. Or work. Or work. Or work. Or work. Or work. Or work. Or writing. :: Ahh crap! I just now remembered I have to take the trash to the curb. And the mundane details of life take over... DAMMIT! ... just when I was starting to make sense ... Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| So, I traded my sitting-on-my-ass-all-day job for a "get up and go" job, instead. I handed over my Senior Accounting Specialist title for a Premium Auditor title. It's okay. I'm still a workers' compensation specialist. And in a year, maybe sooner, I'll be even more valuable to this company. executive officers, general inclusions, general exclusions, expense constants, loss exposure, rate making, not otherwise covered, standard exceptions, governing codes, basic codes, except when otherwise stated in the classification description, minimum premium, exemptions, domestic workers, miscellaneous employees, sole proprieters, limited partnerships, associations, S-corporations, butt pimples, remuneration, extrusion process, foundry operations, disease loaded rates, terrorism surcharges, incidental to the operation, common ownership, affliated companies, separate and distinct operations, physical separation, outside sales, per capita, per diem, experience modification, current ratio, current net ratio, money or substitutes for money, interchange of labor, rating bureaus, tips and gratuities, ledgers and balance sheets, employers liability, schedule rating, may be excluded by endorsement, in the course and scope of his employment, safety incentives, mercantile, manufacturing, independent subcontractors, control and direction, materials and labor, workers' compensation specialist. Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Don't you just hate it when you're driving down the road and one of those flimsy, plastic grocery bags gets caught under your car, and you drive down the road like that, looking like a huge dork? It's not your fault, of course, but you still look like a doofus. I caught one on my car's antenna one time, and flew it like a freakin' HEB flag all the way to work one day. Here comes the cavalry. If automobiles could talk, I'll bet they'd tell you that flappin' a bag down the road is the equivalent to dragging a toilet paper trailer on the heel of your shoe into a board meeting. Same thing right? Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| There's a new TV show on FOX called Standoff, or something like that. It seems to borrow all the things that people liked about 24. Like the "on the edge of your seat" drama, the tension, and the action that made people nuts about Keifer Sutherland again. I had thought he was long ago washed up, but that's another story for another day. The thing I don't like about Standoff is that it's a knockoff. But that brings me to what I really wanted to write about. That new movie 911, the story of the towers in NYC. I hear people saying that the movie is supposed to be really good, that the special effects are awesome, etc., etc. It kind of makes me sick. Hollywood should be ashamed of themselves, latching onto a human tragedy like that, just to put people in theater chairs with buckets of popcorn. And that's all it is. Selling tickets. You can't tell me that the movie producers, whoever they are, are more interested in memorializing the event, or even that they care about the families of the people this tragedy affected. I don't believe that for a minute. It's actually kind of disgusting that they would minimize the horrible event by commercializing it and throwing it into the same box as Titanic and Posiedon. And that's exactly what they have done. What happened in NYC on that fateful day belonged to all of us, and we bore the burden as a nation united with each other and strong. Now, those blockheads over in Hollywood have taken that away and reduced our pain to technicolor and computer tricks, packaging it on a conveyor belt and selling it back to us. And not suprisingly enough, the American people will lap it up happily, because everyone knows how much fun it is to watch a train wreck. I, for one, will not be going to see this movie. It's too soon. It'll always be too soon, to showcase 9/11 in this way. They should have left it alone. We all remember what happened on that day. We don't need to shine a flashlight on it, and make the explosions any more sensational, or make the smoke and flames any more realistic than they were the first time around. I'm disgusted with Hollywood. They ought to be ashamed of themselves. Bunch of bloodsuckers. Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| During the course of your parenthood, the urge to laugh at the cute things your children do and say will inevitably occur more than once. At first, they will be young enough so that you can get away with it, and they will probably laugh, too. But if you continue laughing at them throughout their lives much scarring can occur. Emotional scarring for them, and possible physical scarring for you when they feel that they've put up with enough of your crap. You should know when to laugh with them, and when to hide your chortling, chuckling, snickering and guffawing behind a shirt-sleeve, a newspaper, and ultimately a much sturdier partition such as a wall. In short, learn where the line is and start figuring out how NOT to cross it before they get bigger than you are. You don't want to cross that line and regain consciousness under the splintered remains of the coffe table someday. "But I was laughing with you not at you!" Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Stephie says the craziest things sometimes. Things that make me look at her with an eyebrow raised, thinking, "she didn't just say that, did she?" Then I remember that she's her mother's daughter and suddenly, the clouds break and it all makes sense. Usually, the crazy things she says fall into one of two categories; "I know damn well this isn't the answer, but I'm going to throw it out there and see what the adults think," is one of them. The other one is the "my head is in the clouds," category. I'll never forget the day a couple of years ago when we trying to impress upon her that the biggest responsibility she has while she is growing up is to do well in school, and that on school nights, homework, shower and bedtime were the most important things she had to concern her self with. In tears, she told us, with all the wisdom and naivete of a nine year old, "Ya'll act like I'm gonna be a bum when I grow up! Gram will take care of me if you won't! There is more important things in life than school is, you know!" Oh man. Mother's daughter. I can sure picture Marv saying that when she was little, can't you? Then there are the other moments, when you realize that you have the opportunity to fill in a few gaps for the little rascals- give them some knowledge about how the world works- some little tidbit that you can give them which obviously seems to be missing. Stephie approached me one night after work with an envelope, carefully sealed and addressed, complete with a return address and everything. Well- almost everything. She wanted to know if I could mail it for her. I looked at it and said,"oh no, you can't mail mail it like this." "Why not? What's wrong with it?" Seeing the opportunity for a little knowledge sharing, I told her,"You need a stamp on this. The post office won't deliver it without a stamp." But she had the perfect solution,"Oh. Well can't I just draw one on there?" Bless her little pea-pickin heart. She was serious, too. At least I thought she was serious. It's hard to tell because this is the same child that will swear up and down that her light is NOT on in her room, when in fact you've just walked past it and it most certainly IS on. I think she genuinely wondered if a drawing of a postage stamp wouldbe good enough! The urge to laugh was considerable, but I recalled page 67 of the Parenting Manual and I refrained. Instead, I explained all about stamps which probably went on about 3 minutes longer than she wanted me to, but while I rummaged through my briefcase to find her an actual genuine stamp, I recognized her as a captive audience and worked it thoroughly. And therein lies the lesson: Never miss an opportunity to teach your kiddos about going postal. And don't forget, put the seat down, and the flag up! Ahh yes, precious moments. Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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