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 |  If you havent ever read my blogs, give them a go! You will be amused at my journey! |
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Me and Holo-Zoo are building a submarine here next to the pond. We're determined that we're gonna find out what's at the bottom of this damn thing... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ... If you're new to my journal, you've got a lot of catching up to do. So, don't be a slacker, get the full story. Here are my first two journals for your reading torture.
You don't have to read them all at once. Print 'em, and take them to that little reading room with the white chair. You know you love to read in there. Or print 'em out and use them as doorstops, bookends, or paperweights. You may prefer to leave a message on my voice mail. I award weekly Gift Points for clever, and or entertaining messages left there.
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| "Stuck in the middle with you," are words to a song that I've heard before, words that I can't place right now and resisiting the urge to look it up real quick on Google, I still think they may be Jackson Browne lyrics. Zach is stuck in the middle. Halfway between remaining a kid, as in,"But I'm just a KID," and being an adult as in, "I'm almost seventeen, I should know whether or not I like BEANS!" He's in the unenviable position of being old enough to drive, hold a job, and have a bank account, but young enough to still want to spend his money on video games, concert T-shirts, and boxes of Little Debbie's zebra cakes to stash in his room and eat when he wants to. He wants to be saving money for car payments, but he can't work enough hours while he's in school to make that feasible, and he HAS to concentrate on school. That's still job number one at his age. So, he's stuck. One foot in the adult world. One foot still splashing in the kiddie pool. I don't envy him, because I know what it's like to be stuck in the middle. I'm stuck right now, too. Half of me is still thinking in terms of accounting, and the other half is trying hard to start thinking like an auditor. Marv is stuck too. Her heart belongs in elementary with "her kids" she left behind there, but her office is in middle school/high school with her new job. I saw her new office last Friday, and it's pretty nice. Stephie is stuck, too. She really is still mostly "kid", but she sees all the change going on around her. Zach is driving. Zach is working and earning money. Mom and Dad are getting new jobs and making changes, and she feels like she is getting left behind, that she will never be able to have a job, that she has no means of making money like the rest of us, that she still has the limitations and restrictions that Zach is starting to shed as he grows up. It must be hard for her to see all this happening around her. But her life is changing, too. I heard her playing Allouette on her clarinet last night, and playing it pretty well, too. She wants to grow up with the rest of us, have a cellphone, and have money to spend, and clothes to wear from Hot Topic. But she also wants to giggle with her friends, and sing and dance in front of the bathroom mirror, while the water runs in the bathtub, on and on and on.... Little Bear is stuck in the middle, too. He lies his head on his paws, watching the world go by from the front porch, wanting desperately to get up and chase the cat he sees across the street. But he knows that he'll be out of breath before he gets to the end of the driveway- his cat chasing days are long gone. But you can look at him in the face, and you can see that he remembers what it used to be like in his younger days, before he bulked up, when he could run all day across the countryside, chasing squirrels, cats, cattle, other dogs, whatever he wanted... and come home in the evening full of burrs and stickers, dirty, panting and laughing all night long. I hate to bring up the old metaphor about a caterpillar turning into a butterfly, but damned if it doesn't ring true- for all of us. Time to shed our skins and crawl out of them, once again. I love this part of the story. Let's just be reasonable and flexible about it all, shall we?  Zoo - Salted and Roasted   ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Today marks day one of my being the newest field auditor for my company. I want to remember this day, because after nearly ten years of remaining loyal to this place, after ten years of listening to people around me say,"Mike, you should really be making more money than you are. You should find another job that pays you what you are worth," I'm finally getting rewarded for sticking with this company. My suspicions were right on the mark. It pays to be loyal and build up some tenure. I was humbled a little bit yesterday afternoon. My new boss, KK, asked me to take a little assessment test of sorts, based on the TX wc Manual Rules. I though I would do well on it, and I've been telling him how easy I found the material in the APA91 text. I didn't do so well on the test. KK joked with me sayin that I'd better not go take that APA91 test just yet. Many of the questions were so technical that I just had to leave them blank. I guess I don't know as much as I thought I did, but what it showed me is that I do have a very broad, basic understanding of the classification system, and even a limited understanding of some of the more technical stuff, but there are things that I will need to memorize, things that are not second nature to me yet, because I don't deal with them on a daily basis. Like the percentage charge for waivers. The test asked me to identify the two basic types of waivers we deal with and their percentages. I knew that there was a specific waiver and a blanket waiver. Somehow I recalled that the specific waiver was charged at 5%, but I guessed that the blanket waiver was 10% and it's only 2% in actuality. KK laughed when he saw my answers. "Ten percent!? Damn, you really want to stick it to 'em, don't you?" There were other similar things that I got wrong, but he told me not to worry, that people who had taken the test that had worked as Audit reviewers for years also bombed it the first time they took it. I did at least as well (or as poorly) as those people did, so no big deal. I'll get there. It accomplished what it was deisgned for, though. It showed me what kind of things I need to bone up on. So I will, and then I'll take that test again and see where I am. If I can't ace it, I'll have no business taking the APA91 in October. So here I sit, all green and newbie-like at 7:00am on a Friday morning, waiting for my boss to come in, so I can clock in and begin this new career of mine. Wow. Cool-looking sunrise. Shine on, you crazy diamond. Shine. Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** So, now I have two sets of clubs sitting in the garage collecting dust. I walk past them and look at them, sometimes. They just sit there. My golf shoes with the plastic spikes broken and worn off sit there, too, faded, tongues hanging out to dry. The other night, I pulled out a 7iron and took a few swings. It felt pretty good, but beating carpet fuzzies around the room is a poor substitute for real practice. I just don't have the time, or the money. Not to mention that it's 800 degrees outside. The only comfortable time to play is in the middle of the night, and I prefer to sleep. But who said anything about golf being comfortable? The whole idea of learning to play golf is to drive one crazy, stroke after stroke, so that by the time you finally advance your ball to the hole, you feel like you're going to have one. A stroke, that is. Well, I still love the game anyway, love to punish myself, I guess, because I keep coming back for more. I just haven't made it out there lately. I will, though. I will. Now that I have two sets of clubs, maybe I can get Marv to play, too, instead of filing her nails in the cart, and taking impromptu joy rides to find a potty. Z |
| The world has a whole bunch of good doctors, some really really smart people that can build rocket ships, a ton of savvy business men and women, and plenty of super atheletes. The world is most certainly blessed with all these different people, But can there be any question that the world is also filled with a most impressive display of inconsiderate morons? The woman that insists on navigating the world with her head firmly planted where the sun don't shine will never amount to much more than an above average Twister player. Expertly steering my shopping cart around in the crowded supermarket the other day, I intentionally sideswiped a woman and her children that were standing in the middle of the aisle having a discussion about canned peas. Well, I didn't actually harm any of them, I just rammed her cart with mine and bruised her artichokes while squeezing my way past her little family roadblock. I know she saw me coming from halfway down the aisle, and still she didn't move her clan out of the way to let me through. I even said excuse me and waited for a few seconds before running her over. She looked at me with her mouth wide open, like how could I have the nerve to just plow my way through, so I just said,"Oh, I'm so sorry, sorry. Sorry!" "That's okay," she said, and smiled. Imagine that! My insincere apology rose like a little black crow and floated right over her head. It was a winged thing of beauty, and I went on my way wondering how I'd gotten away with my supermarket hit-n-run. Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| No journal entry on the 29th. I should be drawn and quartered, tarred and feathered, then summarily beaten with a wooden spoon until tender. This workplace has sucked me in, really hard the last few days. I've been trying to think of everything that will be affected by my leaving, and putting in place measures that will allow the next person to come behind me to be able to do the job without cleaning up my mess. My final numbers for August won't be especially stellar, but they won't be horrible, either. I can live with that. Three large statutory nineties make up the bulk of the list, which in itself is not a very long list, but a robust one. Robust. Love that word. I counted. Bob Peters used it 87 times to describe the Premium Audit Department in Sarasota. So, today, I have had phone meetings with two different people, an email exchange with Shannon Young Mann Towles, a long discussion with UW assistants downstairs, and an online training class about IExpense. Apparently, one is supposed to never staple, always scotch tape- original receipts to a blank slice of paper made only from a eucalyptus tree, and slobbered on by a mule-deer in heat, farting into an arctic wind at half past a monkey's ass. I should have known better. And now it is only 1:38pm and I should spend the rest of the day reading APA91 & 92. I'm going to take the certification exam for APA91 in October. It's going to be about as hard as falling off a log in my sleep. APA92 will be a little harder though, but by the time I take that one I will have had months of field audits under my belt. Kevin just came up here to go over a few accounts with me. That took about 3 minutes. The other 35 minutes were spent talking about the upcoming college football schedule for Texas. After that, I'm all gnashing my teeth, foaming at the mouth and wanting to tackle somebody. Texas plays North Texas this Saturday to kick off the season. Then Ohio State, after that. <shudder> I'm a little worried about that game. Ohio State can beat us. They very nearly did last year. I wonder if Grim is an Ohio State fan? Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Man, these certainly are the new days of our lives. This is the serious chapter with the previous entry. Everything for everybody is DIFFERENT. Not just me and Marv with our new positions, but the kids, too. Zach is new. Stephanie is new. The whole damn thing is new. The only way we can react to this is to keep OLD principles in place, smile  , be flexible, and ADAPT. Making our new way in the world is best done with peace of mind. To achieve that, we must have harmony, and to achieve that- we must be aware of each other's changing needs going forward, and agree to cooperate. Like it or not, we have one kid becoming an adult, and a daughter "coming of age", which to different people can have different meanings, but to me it means, "Lord help us ... if ever we needed You, we need You now." We'll be okay, think. For some reason, beyond all the petty bullshit that comes with being a family, we all seem to genuinely like each other ... at times ... in spurts. We'll be okay. And if we don't get along, at all times, always, without fail, I will kick all their asses into line, like a good monarch should. Off with their heads! Except Marv's, because she's the bubushka. Good bubushkas are hard to find these days, and if I EVER met a bubushka, Marv's it. So, let it be known throughout the land. No beheading the bubushka! By order of the Lord of the Manor. Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Something about getting a new promotion makes a guy feel like the lord of his manor in a way that causes him to take new stock of his place in life, in his possessions, the house he lives in, and the quality of the cars that sit in his driveway. It's almost disgusting in the most horribly materialistic sense, but there I was, walking around the outside of my house, trying to decide where to park the Altima that's not even here yet, and scheming about where the best place was to knock down a wall and build another room onto the house. The family wants cable, but I, as the incumbent king of the castle was thinking more along the lines of, "I need to add an office to this thing ... " Completely prepared to ignore the screams and pleas for laptops and TV's, I was well on my way to justifying my new kingdom to myself when I remembered my own parents embarking on remodeling projects. No matter how simple it all seems in your mind, "Sure! We'll just knock out this wall and run some electricity through there, feed an airduct through this here, and throw up a few new walls, and a roof," it never happens that way. Each step of the way seems to be laden with difficulty when something doesn't fit quite right, somebody bashes their thumb with a hammer, or doesn't have the just the right tool for the job. Frustrations mount and the pain and anguish grow and grow and grow until the job is finally, thankfully, somehow completed and everyone pops a beer and claps each other on the back saying,"See? That was like taking candy from a baby! We should go into business!" So, after I remembered that, I walked into the garage and thought, "Wouldn't it be easier to take out this overhead door and simply seal up the hole?" I could have an office in the garage, pipe in some AC, and make a den out of it. Perfect! But then, thoughts of Marv and the kids sneak back in, and I'm forced to recall that they have plans for our promtions, too. Material things, like laptops, and cell phones and ridiculous things like food and clothing and lunch money, and the roof over their heads that thankfully already exists, and I think, "But the lord of the manor, after all, needs an office in this house, and by all that is true and just in the world, he should get whatever he wants or desires, such as lamb chops on Tuesdays, and roast duck on Sundays!" I could just throw my weight around and be a pompous and foolhardy monarch, right?! The needs of the people should be sacrificed for the glory of the king, right? Who are they without me? "I shall require daily pedicures and collagen injections, in addition to regular suanas and mud-baths to keep my complexion soft, and supple. There will be no money left to spend on the frivolities of my humble subjects. They'll just have to suffer- gratefully. After all, what good is a kingdom without a proper and fitting king to rule it?" Man, I'm getting a might uppity now, aren't I? And why is my hat getting so damn tight? Do I need a haircut? I think maybe if I wasn't so conceited, I'd be perfect. Thank ya', Jesus. Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I was glad to spend the majority of yesterday resting and digesting all the stuff I learned this week. I'm starting a whole new database in my brain cells with regard to the auditing profession. I can fell it growing already. By this time today I've read through more than half of the APA91 text book. Much of it is little more than a reaffirmation of all the knowledge I've built over the course of the last 18 years. That's pretty encouraging for a guy who thought he was making a quantum leap into the heart of the complete unknown. Well, it actually wasn't that bad, but it's good to know that I already possess many of the skills and expertise to be able to do this. Thank ya' Jesus. (There it is again, that thing we say in the South when we appreciate our blessings) But really, thank ya' Jesus. (e:smile) So yeah, I want to read through the rest of the text though, because there are other areas of insurance contract law, and different areas of study that I am less familiar with. It's pretty cool to see things in writing about workers' comp insurance in particular, since everything I've learned about it has come from only sheer experience since 1989 until now. Reading it now, I see that I really do have an excellent grasp of the whole process, and more important, a precise idea of where the auditing function fits in. Today was a different story. I managed to read some in the APA91 book, got some laundry done, cooked some meals, and amid the cat-fghts and kid battles played a little poker when my brain started to bleed from the studying. Well, it wasn't exactly bleeding, but DAMN that poker was fun after reading all morning! Much discussion ensued at one point concerning the clarinet playing or lack thereof, and who was three-way calling who- followed by "and when did we rescind the rule about three-way calling"? It was a harrowing, dramatic ordeal that we thought surely insurmountable, but thanks to our supreme listening skills, and our sheer determination not to give into the demons that made us want to strangle first her and then each other, we saw ourselves through to the other side. It was a thing of beauty followed by a concerto, undertaken proudly by a smiling radiant Stephanie, now happily going about her business even as I type this. May the wonders never cease. But now, first I must go see to the laundry... that is unless Holo-Zoo decided to borrow the dryer for something. Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Such a busy time for me lately. I flew into Tampa on Wednesday night, had dinner with my new boss and his wife, and finally got to the hotel at about 10:30pm. I don't have my travelling laptop yet or I would have rattled out some blathering journal entry about driving a rental car around in the dead of night in a strange city, looking for the windsheild wipers while trying not to accidentally signal a lane change, or turn off my headlights instead. I called home from my room that night and found all to be well with Marv and the kids. Zach loves driving the stick shift now. He was the taxi cab for Stephanie this week. Pretty cool. Bonding moments happen between brother and sister when they drive around together, alone in the car. They talk about things that they wouldn't ordinarily. Either that, or I suspect they plot against us parents and share secrets of the trade. Either way, I guess, it's bonding. When Kelly and I were coming off the elevator and seperating paths for the night, I asked him, "So, Kelly... tomorrow is a shirt and tie day, correct?" I pictured the two of us Texans walking into the room in crisp white shirts, with sharp looking ties, shoes polished.... "No, he said,"you don't have to do that. Golf shirt and slacks is fine." Almost as an after thought, as we were already walking in opposite directions, he called back, "I probably will be, though." Yup. Just like I thought. I was fully intending to wear a white shirt and tie, anyway, make a professional appearance, as this would be the first time for me to be meeting the others in the Audit Department, including the guy that hired me and other Directors and Managers. I just didn't want to be the only one wearing a tie. But if Kelly was going to be wearing one, and I knew that Martin probably would be, I figured I better be, too. So, I did, and sure enough Kelly had a nice white shirt on, and a great tie, too. The rest of the group poked fun at us all day with remarks about how us Texans were trying to show them up, by dressing better than they were. It was a beautiful thing. You never get a second chance to make a great first impression. It was awesome to see Martin again, and he made me feel very welcome and happy to be part of the Audit team. The presentations by many of the speakers were wonderful. This meeting couldn't have come at a better time for me. Everything that they talked about was very valuable information for me to have. I must have take two pages of notes, in addition to all the information I absorbed just by sitting there,listening to the discussions around me. This job is going to be challenging, but I already feel 110% better about it then I did last week. There are a lot less uncertainties , answers were provided to many of the questions that I had without my having to even ask them. The company paid for a an expensive happy hour on Thursday night. I think about 35 people showed up and most had appetizers, and at least two or three drinks in the hotels/resort's upstairs bar overlooking the ocean. Not only that, but then Martin and Jeanne and Bob took us downtown to a Sports Bar where we all ordered food and then more drinks. It was crazy- the money that they spent on us. But hey. They work hard and then they play hard too, I guess. I talked to Marv from downtown that night. Apparently there was this whole disaster involving homework doing at the last minute, killing three scorpions which scarred Stephanie for life, causing Marv to drop out of a poker tournament that she was winning, which caused additional scarring of another variety altogether. Martin got us back to the hotel at about 10:30, and I, looking forward to getting a reasonable night’s sleep, happened to walk past the downstairs bar, near the lobby in the hotel, which ultimately turned into my undoing. Rodney, one of the tenured field auditors called me in and bought me a shot. He was a wealth of information and seemed really eager to share it with me. He's a really friendly guy, a great auditor and very willing to give me all the help and assistance I might need. Kelly, Kevin, Martin, Jeanne and Bob, all told me the same thing. There's a really good support structure there that going to help me immeasurably. I stayed up entirely too late that night talking to Rodney, Shannon, and Sherri. We closed down the bar at two and then spent the next few hours talking at the little cabana tables, down by the beach. The night wore on, and it was 3:30. We all remarked on how late it was, but continued talking. Then it was after four, and we exclaimed once again, my it was late. Finally, 6:00am rolled around, and I went to my room. Not drunk, but starting to get a headache. I took a shower and drank some water and some ibuprofen and lied down on the bed, knowing that I had to be down in the lobby by 7:40 to catch a ride to office. Somehow, I managed to rest, but not sleep, until 7:16am when my eyes suddenly flew open and I raced around the room trying to get packed up so I could check out. I had a morning full of more meetings, capped by a visit to the IT guy who was getting me a Blackberry set up. I’ll have it this week sometime. After that, I had to drive myself to the Tampa Intl Airport for my flight at 3:15. Surprisingly, I wasn't too sleepy in the meetings, and even managed to speak up about a few issues with regards to payroll companies and monthly reporting policies. A few hours later, I had a chance to reflect on my week. Suddenly, there I was, on my way to the airport driving a Dodge Magnum over the Skyway something or other, the bridge that spans the mouth of Tampa Bay from North to South. What a week. Is this what it will be all about? Driving in different places, going through airports, saving receipts, making hotel reservations? Something new each day. A whole new way to see the world. It’s going to be cool. But I have some work to do. I want to get my APA certification and my CPCU license. It’s a whole new world now, ladies and gents. And a far cry from going door to door painting house numbers on curbs, or ringing doorbells trying to sell Kirby vacuum cleaners. But those things, and every step I've taken along the way since I first took a job as a temp in the File Room at the Texas Assigned Risk Pool, seem to have prepared me for this. I'm ready to go. Let's do this. Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I have discovered a new indulgence. Bratwurst. It's usually made from pork and veal, but from what I understand you can substitute beef for the veal, although I have to imagine it's nowhere near as heavenly. I heard a commercial on the radio while driving home from work, about a product called Johnsonville Bratz. It sounded good the way they described it, perfect for soaking in beer and throwing on the grill during the summer. So the next time, I thought about it, I picked some up at the grocery store. Six big, fat links ready for grillin'. Man, those things are good. We're discovering new ways to cook them, but so far I prefer either the plain ol' beer bratz, or marinading them in worcesterchire sauce and roasted garlic. I'm salivating right now, just thinking about them. ~~~ sizzling on the grill, to a nice golden brown, juices dripping out the end of the casings, plump and hot and ready ~~~ Delicious. Zoo - Salted and Roasted ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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