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 |   A place where everybody can feel easily offended - my head! |
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I'm gathering quite a collection of blogs. "Invalid Item"  is a bit-of-a-rant. I've got a big gob, and it would be a shame not to use it. "Invalid Item" is just that. It's the product of the bits of me mentioned above  filtered through my subconscious."Invalid Item" dealing with all things to do with battling sexes, especially exes.Want to know something trivial or obscure? Not really bothered about whether it's right or wrong, as long as it's believable? ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** WELCOME TO THE HUMAN GOOGLE!  I may never have mastered the art of tying shoelaces, but I win every time I play Trivial Persuit. Friends place bets on how many people I can, unintentionally, upset on a night out. I am the place where boundless enthusiasm meets embarrassing arrogance. Important Information - Please Read I realise some folk do not get Satire. I love a little baffoonery and believe, rather like the jesters of old, you can say quite a lot more than kings when people think you are an idiot. If you are literal minded, best not read on. If you can tell your arse from your elbow, and recognise when an attack isn't an attack then please read:
Heck, even if you can't tell your appendages from one another, read it anyway: who am I to tell you what you can do and what to take from my writing?  The XGC rating is due to the unknown content of many minds - it may be fluffy bunnies or....not! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED Welcome to my world! Acme  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** http://twitter.com/acmetweet Skype me at acmetoo template thing-a-ma-bob: {c:green}Write{/c}: {c:green}Edit{/c}: {c:green}Kids{/c}: {c:green}Relationships{/c}: {c:green}Physical{/c}: {c:green}FFF{/c}: |
I'll fess up. I feel like I've hit The Wall of a marathon. This is blog #100 and it's pants  There is no sensible explanation other than performance anxiety - I've written plenty of new material, involved myself in two workshops and rated and reviewed for England. So, I finally figured to just blog my block and move on. Short and sweet. Here's a poem about it: "I can't be arsed to blog," she lied knowing full well she couldn't hide from blogging things where she should be "I'll blog later; I'm reading newbies!" And so a little week went by and then another passed - oh my! "I'm terribly busy, doing stuff, you know?" lies, like snowballs, roll and grow "Ok. Enough. I shan't deny. It makes me want to wail and cry. I haven't got a thing to say, in any clever, funny way. "I see my blog and start to freak It's grown two wings, feathers and beak. This albatross around my neck weighs heavy here and starts to peck "I haven't got a clue for news - what makes a blog is fickle muse - and I have nought to say in it! Give up! Give up! At last I quit." Oh, not for good (that would be daft). Just until my muse comes back. At least I made the hundredth entry and that for now seems apt and plenty  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is a photo I took during the wedding ceremony on the 9th of Feb. A lovely warm winter sun flooded the wilds of Saddleworth and the wedding was held outside. Although I took pictures of the bride, groom and guests, this is the one which I was most pleased with. I took it as I sat and waited for the bride to walk up the aisle. Just a quickie on my phone before it was switched off for the ceremony.I love living in Manchester. It feels as if both the fast lane and the bus lane run contentedly side by side. You're only ever a couple of miles away from modern city living convenience, or peaceful and serene unbroken countryside. Ace. As alluded to in the previous blog entry: we crossed the border into Yorkshire last week to visit a working farm. Here's a picture of Baby Acme playing with her dinner  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Oh, and I went to see the lovely Jack, baby of fairy Nat-nat, today - he's so smiley and jolly, and beautiful. I forgot to take a photo, but trust me, he's a potential heart-breaker ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
... have just disappeared I feel like John Lennon. Only, instead of shacking up with some bird, I've been busily writing my fingers to the bone and livin' the life of Riley (sorry,  you can have it back now )Went to the family wedding on the 9th - I looked fab at the start, but clever hubby took photos chronicling the declines: of hair-do, of dressline, and off decorum. I do well at these things and am usually thought of fondly as "The Entertainment", but may well have taken the mother-in-law jokes a little too far  Sunday was hangover recovery - I deserved everything I got, so I won't moan. Created my campfire for Turn-a-rounds and have hit the jackpot with the fabulous additions made by some stunning writers:
Monday was the start of half term hols for the kiddies. We spent a glorious day of warm sunshine at my sister's house, and caught up on all the family gossip: who's got what wrong with them, and who made a tit of themselves at weddings etc. Tuesday was a family outing with the 91-year-old Nana Lena and kids. We went to a working farm in Yorkshire. We hand fed sheep and goats and then bought the earlier slaughtered versions of them in the Farm Shop - so, my dalliance with vegetarianism lasted as long as my Lent sobriety . I joke, but even though I cooked it for the family, I just couldn't face it. Seems I'm not meant for meat at the mo...Wednesday saw me throwing myself into a fab on-site contest to write a collection of stories using the lyrics from an LP of your choice as the prompts. So, I've spent the last 5 days writing, and re-writing, short stories for my chosen album:"Invalid Item" . It's been hard graft but, a couple are re-writes of earlier contest entries - don't worry, I checked if it was okay with kiyasama and she said, as long as it fit the prompt, it was okay. Every spare minute has been spent thinking of story lines to fit, and trying to double up with other challenges where appropriate. For instance, I was really impressed with this months prompt in MetaphorSquared 's Breakfast Club of Writers group, so I found a niche where the same story would fit that prompt and hit the lyrics in Out of the Blue "Invalid Entry" . Thursday saw Team GB take their foot off the accelerator for "Project Write World" - I am chuffed to have a poem and an essay representing this time. We've also got some fresh blood for the next round and I think Ellie might have more time to show off her fabulous poetry skills. I love this contest - I have so many good freinds on the opposing teams and the atmosphere is one of healthy competition and community spirit.On Friday Hubby stopped off at home overnight, instead of staying in digs while he works away. So, I caught up on other stuff  and then write, write, write for OTB. Joined in some ace campfires:
Saturday was write, write, write for OTB and campfires. Sunday was Church and write, write, write. And today is Monday, so we're nicely caught up! Shall I see how many hours I can go without writing...? LOL - Nah! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| "Are you vegetarian, then?" One of the playground mums asked, as we discussed buffet food for an up-and-coming do. "Good Lord, no. I eat lots of dead things!" "No, you don't..." chimed in Acme Jnr, "We had veggie chili for tea last night. You have Quorn Sausages instead of normal bangers, and you make mince with TVP*." I shooed her away with some line about even meat-eaters liking modern alternatives. And later that day, as usual, I began to think. When was the last time I ate meat? I was a really strict vegetarian from 14 to 24, and only forced myself to eat fish then because Acme Jnr was in utero and rather insistent on the dietary necessity of it. I cried snotty tears of apology over the soul of a piece of chip-shop cod as I ate it all. I still couldn't suffer the thought of a dead cow on my conscience until I got meaty cravings while carrying BA 5 years ago. I had to be patient though; these cravings were for 'blue' steak, which could pose a health risk to the unborn vampire within. The day she was born, I got hubby to pick up a fresh cut of fillet steak, and spent supper time dipping my chips in un-holy sauce  When was the last time I ate meat? I was brought up to 'waste not, wont not', and felt every animal which graced my table should at least have died for something other than the rubbish bin. When I did buy meat, I asked myself, "If I met this little fella face-to-face, could I do him in, to feed my family?" If I could answer 'yes' I bought it, if 'no', then I didn't. This meant many 'fake' Lancashire hotpots, as Lambs are just to darn cute to munch on. I managed to convince myself that I could take on a bovine, until one licked me recently: I couldn't order 'tongue' again and keep a tear at bay, so we moved on the to TVP(*textured vegetable protein) instead of minced beef. Pigs... well, I thought I could? But, bacon hasn't been part of my diet since I discovered the American Morning Star Company's 'fake bacon'... I like chicken style Quorn pieces in my Chinese food, and it tastes more chickeny than chicken... When was the last time I ate meat? SPAM! I ate SPAM in November I even took a picture of it , but I tried to make some the other day, and didn't want it - gave it Vampire BA, who didn't like it because it wasn't 'real'. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Fine - well, I'm obviously not the principled version of a vegetarian, like I was in my youth. Which, by my reckoning, makes me an Accidental Vegetarian, instead... When was the last time I ate fish? Oh, I shucked oysters at New Year... so, with that in mind, I am officially:  An Accidental Lacto-Piscine Vegetarian I do wonder what I'll wake up as tomorrow ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Oh, I do like pancake day Acme Jnr still holds the record she set in 2002, with an impressive tally of 12 pancakes on Shrove Tuesday. However, we do like to invent a new one every year, and this year has produced an absolute corker HP sauce has always been a staple, along with cheese and spring onion (scallions to you?). Other savoury fillings have included Full English Breakfast, Lancashire Hot Pot (with pickled red cabbage), and Stir Fry. This year's invention will join the sweet pancakes; among such illustrious company as: banana and demarararararararara sugar, ice cream, pecan and maple syrup, and mixed berries and brandy sauce. The UFP-ancake! I don't know if global candy shops stock "Flying Saucers", but I love 'em. They are two, different coloured, dish-shaped, molded, halves of sweet rice paper, with sherbet filling... mmm  They melt on the tongue, and then the sour sherbet fizzes and makes your taste-buds explode with joy. Now, when you cook the bottom of your pancake (crepe), flip it and add the Saucers to the top - the bottom halves melt to the pancake and, if you time it right, the tops stay domed with the sherbet waiting to warmly fizz as you gobble... I swear, Gordon Ramsey would have a fit, and then sneak of to make them...I have decided to give up Bacardi for Lent... let's just see if it is possible, before I hear the snorts of derision ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I always thought a procrastinator would look a lot like a T-Rex, with slightly longer arms. Apparently not; instead, they are vaguely Acme shaped Now, I believe there are roughly two kinds of folks: those who put things away, in a neat and orderly fashion, ready to be used without fuss the next time needed, and those who chuck stuff in cuboardly balancing acts, ready for the next unwitting victim... I'm normally the first, and hubby is the latter. A case in point is today; I went to "The Shed". I cleared this out and re-tidied last summer. Hubby stored "things and stuff" in it in autumn. I narrowly avoided being impaled by something* as I tried to find my SLEDGE Yes; after over two years of waiting for fluffy rain, I finally got my wish - and on a weekend too I became a naughty procrastinator; putting off the million and one jobs around the house (and two million and one jobs around WDC) I should be donning, to go and play out.Oh, what fun! Sure, snow is horrid when you have to do grown up things, but it's the bestest gift from nature when you want to play... rain = puddle jumping, Gene Kelly impersonations, impromptu wet T-shirt contests, gargling the national anthem sunshine = water pistol fights, skimpy clothing, freckle growing, gardening, playing at the park (swings and slides) wind = pretending to be Scott of the Antarctic, kite flying, leaning against the wind, shouting to be heard snow = sledging, slipping, sliding, snow-angles, igloos, snow-castles, snow-men, snow-ball fights, and DARN PRETTY TOO So what, if it melted before dinner? We had just enough time to accomplish most of the above (not enough for igloos) ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is the kids... nicking my sledge at the local Rugby pitch ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpKAA2VxWY8&feature=related I'm an odd sort. I get easily distracted by pretty face - it's why I won't have mirrors in the house...  Sorry, I'm feeling the joy, only previously known by Elsa the Lion, of freedom!Acme's legal career is now over... having lasted a week which saw expenditure rise and income flounder; well, you live and learn. Strange things happen, and the Lord works in mysterious ways. His particular Acme mystery came in the form of the delightful Father D, my parish priest. I was returning to the law office having grabbed some fresh air, and a loaf of bread from the local supermarket, when I saw the holy viz if Fr. D waiting for a friend at the bus shelter. "Hello, Father! How are you?" "I'm fine; how are you?" "Oh, alright, I guess. Finish my rather horrid office job tomorrow and back to looking for work after the weekend. Ho-hum!" "What are you looking for?" "Something part-time which fits in with my kids - oh, boy! Did I miss them..." "Why don't you work for me? I need a part-time administrator for the Parish; hours to suit, and you would be paid." "Ace!" "Come and see me on Monday and we'll have a chat about it." "Fab! See you at mass on Sunday!" Now, you all know my first thought, don't you... ? It's gonna be just like the Father Dowling Mysteries  ! Only, I'll be more of a Miss Marple type than Steve. Ooh, we'll solve mysteries like "The Case of the Fading Photocopier Toner!", and "One of Our Hymn Books is Missing!"Hopefully, it will be the answer to all my prayers. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I've always been one of those folks who "Don't get it...?" I remember when McDonalds first hit the UK (careful now... ) Father took us for supper: we took a 'booth' and felt like the Cunninghams - oddly, no matter how much he ahemed, and stooped to looking ruffled, no-one came over to take our order...When Madonna first hit the airwaves, I remember my twin demanding fingerless-gloves, leg-warmers, and industrial strength 500ml hairspray. I asked for a Rubik's Snake; after all the cube had proved popular in the playground. "You must be my lucky star! 'Cause you make the darkness seem so far..." Twinny and her cool friends used to make up dances (I wasn't allowed on account of having too many freckles, playing 'Chuckie Egg' on the ZXSpectrum, liking Shaun Miller for his StarWars collectibles, and being weird... it was true, so I didn't mind), when they weren't dancing to Madonna they were talking about bras, boys and Judy Blume - big deal! I had Lord of the Rings! Whatever; I didn't get it. Now, as you may know, I've started working - I'll sum up the inevitable Acmeness of it all:  Nice bloke - likes The Smiths I'm working for free, on a three week trial He wasn't in on my first day, so I just had to let myself in and induct myself I found the phone when it started ringing and just took messages until he came in He has a knack of making sense of everything he says... until you think on it later By the end of the first day, I still didn't know what I was supposed to do but there was talk of 'big things eventually'... I just wanted to know where the toilets were, and if we had a photocopier? I came home to kids jumping on me like dogs, and a hopeful husband wishing the same... oh, and with a book on insolvency law... I went up to Nice Bloke Boss first thing this morning and quit... An hour later, it was decided I would still be there, working for free until he found someone else... by lunch, I think it was assumed I would be working there for the next 20 years... I still don't know what to actually do... mmmObviously, with him singing Smith's songs, my mind wandered back to Madge. She came to me in a Desperately Seeking Acme moment. I was staring at the filing (which is another unexplained mystery) and my lip wobbled. I wanted to get back home, see my babies and plug into WDC. Anyhoo, off to bed - but I just want to say thank you to Madonna. I may never have 'got it' at the time, but now it doesn't matter if I do, or not. I can still get confused in Subway, not understand why Jnr is so obsessed with boys at the age of 10, or even know where the photocopier is; when it comes to love and friendships I've never had to worry about 'getting it', I'm so darn lucky they have come to me - thanks  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjWGjT5fP24 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I remember having an discussion with a friend of mine about mathematics. He was looking at a math problem with a really amused expression on his face... "What are you grinning at?" "Oh, it's one of those little quirks of number pattern... look?" I looked at a series of characters... wow... nothing... "I don't get it" "Just take a little time to look and you'll see..." At this point, lift music fills my brain, and I wait for some kind of eastern European animation to make the numbers and symbols leap off the page in a twisted version of the Sorcerers Apprentice... no... still gobble-de-gook. "I don't do maths." "What do you mean you don't do maths? Everybody does maths daily - it's the most commonly used and applied planetary language." "Well, lets just consider me at the bottom of my 'Mathematics as a second language' class, and leave it at that, eh?" "Words are just a series of characters and squiggles, if you think they make sense when you put them in a setting with punctuation and grammatical applications, then simply consider the same for mathematics." "That means nothing to me without a practical application; then it becomes physics, biology,chemistry, or ... or another kind of ology - then math is fine. But, math for math sake? No - I don't like math." "How do you know? Spend a little time with numbers and I'm sure you'll find it fascinating." "I could spend a little time with the Klan and no doubt find it fascinating too - but, I'll tell you now: I would not like it!" "Oh, come on - you're taking it a bit far! You can't look at math the same way you would as a racist, discriminatory, bunch of twisted bigots - don't be silly..." "Silly? You sound like a ... a number pusher! Like an evil Dr Seuss: I do not like to study math Not on the couch, and not in the bath. I do not like them numbers, see? I do not like them; let me be!" Would you like them with the Klan? Would you like them with Saddam? I DO NOT like those numbers, man! Not in a fractal, sudoko, or phone Not unless practically applied in the home Not on the couch Not in the bath Not with the Klan Not with Sadam I DO NOT LIKE THOSE NUMBERS, MAN! Anyway, that friend of mine sent me a link to some interesting numbers - here they are: http://www.milaadesign.com/wizardy.html I bet you do it more than once |
| I'm really rather proud of my northern comedy roots - I've spent most of the day watching Morcambe and Wise: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dG0Vk2XZMw&feature=related I've been trying (not very hard) to find my favourite example of perfect Eric Morcambe delivery - and I can't. So, in honour of that sketch, and because I have two cracking friends on this site to play Dress Up with me, I get to be Steve Martin in a Sombrero... I guess it's my lucky day. Oh, and that favourite line is rather weak without the masterful delivery of it's speaker; put a rhythm behind the words, and see what you come up with: "You can tell I'm a Mexican bandit; you can tell by the shape of my hat." |
| For all my pacing and worrying, I made it. I shook my way into the courtroom and was led into chambers. I was 'deferential' personified I called him 'Sir'. Then, using all my skills as a former Star Trek Conventioner, I roll-played my way through the techno-babble, and did clever stuff without even thinking I was in there for no more than a minute and, bish-bash-bosh, I've got stamps flying all over paper work. Within half an hour I've left the court room and am hunting down someone to serve papers on! If only I my suit jacket hadn't been stuffed down my knickers, I would have looked really professional Ho-hum, I guess it sets me in reasonable stead for Monday's big day... Gawd, I'm going to miss WDC  Don't for get me, guys... I'm still a writer before I'm an office worker!I really miss being Diva I've had a word with her and informed her: from now on, 23rd January will be WDC "Diva Day", where anyone who wants to slap on some luscious lips and a warm welcome, can celebrate with other Diva Impersonators Who knows? Years from now, couples could be eloping to Vegas to get married in a little white chapel with their very own Diva conducting the ceremony... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I've just been awarded my first ever Acme rude Merit Badge Now I can dress up with it and pretend I'm SouthernDiva "Hi there, WDC! I'm Southern Diva" "No, you're not... you have a 'fro and are really, really short... you might be a hobbit, or Acme, but you ain't no southern belle!" "Am, too!" "Prove it!" "Love ya, mean it!" "That means nothing - It's just a catch phrase, like Acme's 'Top Notch', and anyone can go around saying it... "Don't disrespect the Diva! Or... or, I'll bring out the big guns!" "Try it, hobbit." ![Merit Badge in Erotica
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For winning 1st place in December 2007 Sensual Waters erotica contest. Great Job!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Erotica-560.gif) "In your face, you non-believer, you!" "Fair enough... How are doing, Diva?" |
Come Monday morning, next week - I shall be working 9 to 5 and I'm a wreck. The poor bloke, who will be my boss has had the joy of four, hour long meetings with yours truly, and I say this openly - I have been myself  I shouldn't be nervous at all, as I have been nothing but honest and up-front with him from the off: "...and your experience of accountancy packages is...?" "None! But, seriously, how hard can it be?" "So, you would feel capable of setting up all the office protocols and systems, then?" "Well, we'll both soon find out!" Perhaps it was because I felt sorry for the man, I rather martyred myself. He really could have done with someone popping over to a court in another district this Thursday before I'm due to start... Well, I showed willing, "I'll do it as a favour to you, Mr Bloke, from me, Missy Acme - okay?" "Wonderful! I'll bring the file - you'll need that to present the legal paperwork to the judge... don't panic! You wont be in a court room, you'll be in Chambers... just learn what to say, and ALWAYS show due deference, or you'll be in contempt of court, and in a lot of trouble. Then when he has the *insert Ally McBeal text here*, you need to ask him to sign the *Boston Legal speak here*, in triplicate. Take those down to the *I really have written it down somewhere office*, and get it stamped by the courts. Then pop the whole lot into a clear wallet, drive another 15 miles to a Travelers encampment and serve it to the Gypsy king. Think you can do it?" "I guess I've got two chances!" Oh, bollocks I'm amiable - I don't do well with authority figures... "What are you worried about?" Hubby asked. "Being told off..." I mumbled. "Sooooo, you're not worried about all that motorway driving to places you've never been before?" "No. I can read a map." "Sooooo, you're not worried about going to Court?" "Nah - it's just a building." "What about angry travelers?" "There just human beings like me... besides, we might be distantly related..." "Sooooo, you're worried about getting told off? Who by; a Judge who doesn't care who you are, or by a bloke you don't even work for yet, and you're doing a favour for?" "Both!" I cry, bury my nose into his armpit. "You're such a fanny-fart" "I know." Anyway, I shouldn't be here 'blogging' - I should be panicking about learning my legalese! Oh, and now I need comfort nachos... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| A friend of mine got me thinking... "Not again!" I hear your muffled sighs I have a queasy stomach most days. It's that adrenalin "Flight" of "Fight" syndrome that only comes from living in a permanent state of What. It goes a little something like this: 1. Wake up... Am I awake? Why am I awake? Oh, God please help me - is it safe? 2. Orientate Self... What day is it? Where should I be? Have I let anyone down yet? 3. Organise... Who am I responsible for? Have I acted within recognised parameters to fulfill that responsibility? This isn't in the course of the day; this is in the course of getting my kids out of bed and ready for school. Much of the rest of the day is spent agonising over very similar themes. So folks can mention daily routines... and then think about their bowels toward the end of the day, I wonder why I haven't had a heart attack yet. That stomach clenching nausea provides a very regular habit...Any situation, any place, any thing I become aware of makes me question just what I should do. Hubby often tells me "Why are you worried about it for?", or, "Leave it; it's not your problem." And my kids question why I should want to stop the car when passing a bus stop where a group of school kids are beating up another... "It's none of your business!" "What isn't?" "EVERYTHING" This is old footage but I think Mark Thomas must have the same constrictive bowel problems that come from living in a permanent state of What?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-La714aW4U4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Well, I guess it had to happen, sooner or later... I'm employable I've come to the realisation this will mean by WDC time will have to be curtailed. I was rather sad when I recognised this fact and expected a similar reaction from my family... erm, no! HUBBY: "Oh, it would be nice to grab more than a quickie with you!" ACME JNR: "Am I going to have to share the TV, then?" BABY ACME: "Will you read to me again, mum?" OMG! My baby misses her bed-time stories, my pre-teen has had too much personal space, and my hubby misses fore-play - WDC; what have you done to me? I realise it's not the SM or MrsSM that are to blame. I also don't blame all the loverly people I'm so blessed to know here. I just write too much... It's like someone said, "Anyone can main-line literature; want to try some?"We all laugh at addiction to something like writing, but what if I really am? Let's look at the facts: I get snappish and easily distracted if I don't write. When ever my family do something funny, or sad, or thoughtful, I think: ooh, that would make a good story... When someone suggests a day out, night out, or (heaven forfend) a week-end away - I freak out about whether or not I'll have internet access. I've set up writing accounts on other sites so I don't look as if I'm doing so much... I write in little journals so that people don't get offended by my over-taking the most recently created listings. I took a note pad to the interview I attended today, in case the boss was late and I had the chance for a small poem. He was very impressed I'd come prepared. Who was I to spoil his belief? I turned to a fresh page, only to find it was full of research notes on the way a little old lady had conducted herself at the bus stop the other day.Now that I'm to start a 'proper' job I have to get a handle on this... I found myself stood in the kitchen, cramming a sandwich in my mouth, while slamming shut the clothes dryer door with my foot, so my other hand was free to type single fingered letters to a story. I had to make up the time I had spent chatting to my new boss, didn't I? Hubby walked in as the mayo dropped down my chin. "Honey, why don't you let me help you with that?" God bless him, he picked up the laptop and walked it into his artist studio. I licked the gloop of my chin and looked around the kitchen. Oh dear, my windowsill coriander and basil had died through neglectful watering. There was an indistinct line between where the dirty laundry ended and the fresh began. Pizza boxes, and noodle cartons took over the work surfaces where 'good ole home cooking' had once reigned supreme. I must have been a man in a previous life - I just cannot multi-task... Anyhoo! The long and short of it is I now have the unhappy task of telling all the groups I'm involved with that I need to ease back on my commitments to them ... except the WRITING.COMedy Lounge and the Talent Pond - let's not go cold turkey . But I have made commitments to quiet a number of reviewing groups, and once my current obligations are met, I shall have to bow out. I just can't think of another way to manage my time - and I love the three contests I run; I couldn't give those up... gawd, I don't know how the rest of you do it (but I bet you don't keep a hidden journal in the bathroom for secret sleep-time writing...)Ponderingly, Acme ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I recently had an email which gave me a wonderfully in-depth insight into my Comedy Writing - the points made really will make a difference to how I develop my craft, as the guy who gave them is a genius at Comedy and Editing. There was just one little comment at the end which arrested my attention. I tried to "sleep on it": no. I tried to "eat through it": no. I tried to consider it as a truth I had better get used to the taste of: no. I just didn't agree, at all. Here's the comment, and here's a copy of my response to it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion so, please, feel free to comment: I also want to suggest something I think is very important in comedy writing. I feel comedy is Blue-Collar in nature. Using obscure words that never appear in informal speech only serves to stop most of your readers in mid-sentence, if they don’t understand a word you use. Ie: Somnambulism. I know what that means now, but I never heard or read it before. It stopped me in my tracks. Very bad in comedy writing. You simply could have said “sleepwalker” or “sleepwalking” and never missed a beat. Comedy isn’t “Literary,” it’s just comedy. Avoid that if you want to be successful. I mean, how many stand-up comics have you heard use words like that? No. I don't agree at all. Have you ever seen Eddie Izzard's Dressed to Kill live US tour? A full sketch is done in French; a language I, and most of the audience, don't speak. It is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Bill Hicks used 'big' words, and big ideas too. Bill Bailey is a British Stand-up who uses an intelligence based surreal comedy act. Shakespeare is sometimes accused of literature... as is Terry Pratchett, both well know writers of comedy. And the philosopher's soccer match by the Python's is one of my all time fave comedy moments - rather reliant on whether you can separate your greeks from your new school Germans, but still darn funny. I can laugh with Billy Conolly with the best of them, but I don't recognise a class divide in comedy. There are just different types and all of them are valid to someone. Make your own minds up: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qod7nSGKag0&feature=related  Bill Bailey Chaucer in the Pubbehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1sQkEfAdfY  French Lessons by Eddie Izzardhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcPQhS8W8g4&feature=related Bill Hicks on education...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79vdlEcWxvM Philosopher's Football Match - Pyhon** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| If you're wondering why I've been so darn quiet, it's so I could concentrate on the latest round of kiyasama's Project Write World: sort of like the olympic triatholon thingy. Poetry, Essay, and Short Stories, are subitted by teams representing countries all over the world, and it's one of my favourite contests around. All the teams have phenomenal writers among them, and a great sense of camaraderie and community spirit is evoked - well, there would have to be! 🦄🏳️🌈Sapph is a friend and he's on the North American Team. and zwisis are a couple of my bestest buddies and they represent Team Africa. Just an Ordinary Boo!  is one of my favourite site authors, along with irrepressible THANKFUL SONALI Now What?  and they represent India. With all that in mind, writing is a wonderfully non-agressive sport !Anyway, I wrote my first ever Blues Sonnet today, and if it isn't used by Team GB, I'll post it in my blog, because I'm ever so proud Hugs, Acme |
| Whoo-hoo! SHE'S DONE IT! Ruby has finished her Cuban run, and can now enjoy her Cuban rum Here's the latest family text:I did it. I did it. I did it! Pass the word! I'll send an email tomorrow, as for now I have a party to go to where there will be lashings of rum xx love to all! That's my girl! I've left the Bacardi Divas early, just to come home and not drink lashings of rum on Ruby's behalf Gosh, that girl is amazing ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I've just received a fabulous email from Ruby, and I'm posting it below. Marathon Day Is Here! "Hello everyone, Just wanted to drop you all a quick line to say thank you for all the messages of support; I can't believe the run is tomorrow... eek! Having spent the best part of a week lazing on a Caribbean beach with a rum based drink in one hand and a copy of Pride and Prejudice in the other, I've become so relaxed that I hadn't given the race much thought... that was until yesterday when we walked the 13 mile route... oh my god, once was enough, but twice??? So now when I look out at the tranquil bay I see the mountains beyond!!! However, I will conquer them ..... Aragggggggghhhhhhh, come on the pasty faced Brit! Come on the sun cream and come on the celebratory dip in the sea at the end!!!! Mucho love to you all Ruby xx Get her and her naughty drinking! Makes me look bad After all, I'm not running a marathon  I can just picture her hitting the wall and calling out for inspiration from Colin Firth... ...*wipes drooool away*... sorry, about that! I'm back in the room.Hurrah! for Ruby I'll let you know if Jane Austen got her through ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| That's me, that is... However, before you feel any form of sympathy toward me, erm, don't! It's either the result of a full bottle of French Cab Sav, all to myself. Or, it's because of clutch of Oysters (I don't know if they go around in clutches, but I sure am clutching my sides... ) Hey, thinks I, I could go to bed, and sober up... or, I could stay on WDC, and go into a chatroom with Robert Waltz  and Brooklyn  ...Gosh those guys are hilarious I have no idea what I was saying (I don't so much slur when I type drunkenly, as invent new punctuation), but they had me in stitches."I love you, Brooke! Oh, andkt whilest II remememember} I#ve got to say thank you fro al the loverly thinks you do for mt ¬!1" Things I do recall: They are funny people - I was laughing out loud at 1.30 Robert explained his lack of vulture... but, now I can't remember the story They were both sober... Ah, well! It's like my old Chef friend, Fletch, used to say, "They can't hang you for it!" I almost wish they would... Here's me, the Bramwell Bronte of the bunch, and there's Ruby, in Cuba, running her little legs off... naughty Acme Oh, and could you type a little quieter, please? ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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