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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books/item_id/1381782-Notable-quotables
Rated: ASR · Book · Comedy · #1381782
Quotes from a small (and not so small) Monkey
From a very young age, Monkey has amused us with the things that he comes up with.  This blog was begun when he was quite small, and I have been adding to it (less so lately) for over seven years.

He has always had a precocious way with words, and a genuinely brilliant sense of comic timing. One of his first nicknames was Monkey, and the name stuck because it is so true. He's impish, funny, silly, and occasionally swings from a tree or monkey bars.

The first byline of this blog was "my son will someday be a writer." As predicted, he has become quite a talented young writer.

I hope you enjoy his antics as much as I have!
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 ... Next
November 22, 2022 at 3:25pm
November 22, 2022 at 3:25pm
#1040938
I haven't added to this in ages! Monkey's all grown up now (well... 18, so he thinks he's grown up, at least). But this popped up on my hubby's FB memories from 2011, and it's definitely worth sharing!

On the way home from work, with Monkey snacking in the car:
Dad: Oh rats, I forgot to make a call today.
Monkey: Do you want to use my banana?

My author logo
September 30, 2018 at 10:04pm
September 30, 2018 at 10:04pm
#942302
Conversation at the dinner table tonight:

Monkey (14): I wish soap taste more like it smelled.

Me: *snort*

Monkey: It would make showertime a lot more fun ... I might actually use it ... just kidding, I would never.

*Laugh* *Rolling*

From Charity Owls
November 8, 2017 at 6:30pm
November 8, 2017 at 6:30pm
#923516
Monkey (calling from the other room): Mahhhm! Are dogs better people than cats?
Me (walks into room where Monkey sits): Nooooo. Everybody wants to be a cat. Because a cat's the only cat who knows where it's at.
Monkey: *double snaps, winks, and two thumbs up*

From Charity Owls
July 9, 2015 at 10:48pm
July 9, 2015 at 10:48pm
#853867
Monkey's watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, part 2.

He's dancing around the family room going "where's the remote? I need to pee. Where's the remote? I need to pee."

He finally finds the thing . . . "don't die, Severus. I'm coming." And he runs out of the room, with Snape frozen on the tv screen.

*Laugh*

** Image ID #960978 Unavailable **
June 17, 2015 at 11:34am
June 17, 2015 at 11:34am
#851825
So Monkey was chattering away in the shower . . . and chattering, and chattering. And perhaps not actually doing anything resembling cleaning. There was some odd conversation about whether it was better to be sane or insane.

Me: You know what would be even better?
Monkey: What?
Me: If you'd be quiet.
Monkey: Why would that be better?
Me: . . .
Monkey: You got nothin'!


D'oh! I've got plenty, but nothing that I want to share with you!
October 24, 2014 at 11:28pm
October 24, 2014 at 11:28pm
#832220
Monkey was at the library with his friend this afternoon. This was our text conversation as they were heading back:

Monkey: We're coming home, we're coming home. We're coming home, coming home.

Me: Hee hee! We're here here here, we're here here here.

Monkey: Ok.....
We did re re re re re re
SEARC
H

Me: Monkey!

Monkey: bananananananananananaaananananaaabbagddhehxggwydgseg

Me: What happened to your banana?

Monkey: It turned purple.

Me: Oh dear. Like a minion?

Monkey. No they are pink

Me: No.. they're purple!

Monkey: No they are

Me: Dude. They're purple

Monkey: They are turquoise
:P

Me: Turquoise is a greenish blue. And nothing like pink OR purple

Monkey. Fine it's purpink


And thus, a new color was born. We shall at it to the list of colors made up by members of our family. When I was little, I decided lavatory was a color.


** Image ID #960978 Unavailable **
August 27, 2014 at 6:04pm
August 27, 2014 at 6:04pm
#826450
Monkey's playing Minecraft.

Monkey: No no no! It keeps trying make me eat the porkchop! I don't want to eat the porkchop! I'm trying to dig with it.
Me: you're trying to dig with a porkchop? Do you not understand the concept of porkchop? *Confused*
Monkey: But I don't have a shovel.
Me: Then by all means, use the porkchop.

Author of the month siggie
April 9, 2014 at 5:31pm
April 9, 2014 at 5:31pm
#813202
We were in the car, talking about language.

Monkey: Onomatopoeia sounds like 'anonymous pee-er.' "Mom, there's an onomatopoeia in the bathroom!"

Goldilocks: . . . Flush.

*Laugh* I almost crashed the car . . . *Blush*

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
February 24, 2014 at 9:21pm
February 24, 2014 at 9:21pm
#808105
So Monkey came in the house to tell me a story, and I completely derailed him.

Monkey: So, Mom . . . our only tennis ball left . . .
Me: It left? *Confused*
Monkey: *Rolleyes*
Followed by 5 minutes of hysterics on my part. I can't breathe now.

Mumsy siggy from Witchybloo
February 5, 2014 at 4:24pm
February 5, 2014 at 4:24pm
#805973
Bob: Why is there a little whale in here?
Monkey: Oh that? It's just a little whale?
Bob: How long has it been in here?
Monkey: A little whale.

*Laugh*

Mumsy siggy from Witchybloo
November 26, 2013 at 2:21pm
November 26, 2013 at 2:21pm
#798791
My son has, in fact, become a writer. Here is 9 year old Monkey's poem about Hanukkah:

"Hanukkah [ASR]

From Coco's Animal Shelter
May 20, 2013 at 9:02pm
May 20, 2013 at 9:02pm
#783114
Monkey was attempting to help Bob prepare a box to ship. As the packing peanuts (the only sort of peanuts he's not allergic to) clung stubbornly to his arms, he determined:

Packing peanuts are foamnetic.

Quick, somebody call Merriam Webster! *Laugh*

Moulin Rouge quote
May 20, 2013 at 2:39pm
May 20, 2013 at 2:39pm
#783077
Today we bought a pretty wrought iron rack for a corner of the master bathroom. It has 4 tiers. As Bob carried it into the house, Monkey asked is that to put cookies on?

If you think I'm serving dessert in THERE you don't know me very well! *Sick*

Moulin Rouge quote
January 9, 2013 at 10:23pm
January 9, 2013 at 10:23pm
#771080
*grumbling as he walks past me on his way toward the bathroom* Why is it that when I wash my hands I always have the sudden need to pee?

I dunno . . . magic perhaps?

Moulin Rouge quote
September 7, 2012 at 5:38pm
September 7, 2012 at 5:38pm
#760232
This morning, while getting ready for school: Do these socks look good on me?

They're stunning, little dude. Work the socks!
Moulin Rouge quote
March 2, 2011 at 5:11pm
March 2, 2011 at 5:11pm
#718919
What the . . . is that tree pooping out birds!?!

Oh golly, I sure hope not!

Moulin Rouge quote
August 24, 2010 at 10:02pm
August 24, 2010 at 10:02pm
#704575
Bob: What does it take to put you to bed and get you to stay there?

Monkey: Twenty dollars?

Which was really a better answer than mine (duct tape).

Moulin Rouge quote
June 27, 2010 at 11:23am
June 27, 2010 at 11:23am
#700215
After I prepared Monkey's pancake, this morning:

Man, you cut fast. I mean . . . woman, you cut fast!

*Laugh*

Moulin Rouge quote
June 19, 2010 at 10:40am
June 19, 2010 at 10:40am
#699631
Just got this text from Bob:

Dad, Jake leaned over and whispered. I think I need a new girlfriend.

"Oh? Have someone in mind?"

Yes, her name is Frencesca.



Sure . . . I mean, after all, one simply CANNOT go into the first grade with the same old girlfriend. *Laugh*



Moulin Rouge quote
June 13, 2010 at 4:16pm
June 13, 2010 at 4:16pm
#699080
Dhoc-li Llama : Jake, what will it take to get you to be quiet?

Jake: A dollar or two?

*Laugh*

Moulin Rouge quote

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