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Daily?? thoughts from a crazy middle aged foster mom. |
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Well, how do I begin? I am a fourty six year old mother of 4 boys. My ex-husband and I divorced 8 1/2 years ago and I have since married the TRUE love of my life (one year ago, December 27 2007). My boys are all grown and moved out of the house. My husband and I don't, and can't, have any children of our own, so we have become foster parents to 6 teenage boys. These are random thoughts from our crazy household. Some good and some not as pleasant but necessary none the less. See Entry :Major Changes from my crazy mind!!! for an update on my life... Lots have changes since I started this BLOG..LOL |
| Boy have things been crazy at our house. I have not had any time to write due to things at home. We just found out that the owner of the house we have been leasing is going to lose the house to forclosure so... we are going to have to move...again! So, every waking moment has been occupied with trying to find a house that will meet our unique needs. ie: 5 foster boys, handicapped mother, 2 lesbian providers, 9 dogs, 3 cats with a litter of 3 kittens, and my 19 year old bio son that just moved back home this past weekend, plus of course, me and my husband. OK, so that is not crazy enough, I needed more insanity added to my life, so when the foster agency called on Monday to ask if we could take a 15 year old boy that was just removed from his bio home that day and needed a home, my husband and I said ok. Well, this kid came with one heck of a history! On probation for breaking and entering, theft of a habitation. Also, history with PD of a fight with knives. He is majorly bi-polar and has not been on his meds for some time (neglect is part of the reason for the removal). Monday night went ok and he seemed to be settling down well enough. On Tuesday, Carlos was going to have to take Fernie to the doctor for his knee so he was off after running the van route in the morning. He would take Ricky, the new kid, to the dentist, eye doctor, regular doctor, etc... Ricky had a good morning and everything seemed to go well. Carlos got a call from the CPS worker that dropped Ricky off the night before and was told that his 11 year old brother had tried to run away but was back at his foster parents home and his sister was in the hospital due to problems with her appendix but she was ok. He seemed to be fine. Carlos left him with Myra while he took Fernie to the knee specialist. Ricky started asking to talk to his CPS worker. He was calm but insistant the he wanted to talk to her. Myra called Carlos and let him know. When I left school and started home, I called Carlos to let him know I was early enough that I was going to check on a house we were interested in before I went to my Dr. appointment. He asked me to go home instead and check on Ricky. He told me what was going on and that he wanted to talk to his case worker. When I got home, Ricky and Myra were outside talking peacefully. I came up and told him that Carlos had called me and said he was wanting to call his caseworker. He said yes. I called her and told her I was with Ricky and I would pass the phone to him. When I handed him the phone, it was like he totally changed. He became a raving maniac. He paced back and forth cussing her out and demanding that she return him to his dad or mom (they are divorced). He threatened us, our home, her, anybody that might try to stop him. He said he would get his "click" to come and beat us up "or worse". It was really a little scary. I remained calm, but he was totally out of control. I took Myra's phone and called Carlos to let him know what was happening. I asked him to call the police because I didn't have the number with me. The number is saved on my phone, but Ricky was using my phone to threaten CPS and everybody associated with them. I didn't want to call 911 because, at this time, it wasn't a life-or-death situation. During this time, Myra was staying close to make sure he didn't do something stupid. CPS decided to call the police because they were concerned for our safety. The police finally got there and after an extensive period of time, they had him a little calmer. It was debated back and forth between CPS, the police, Bair, and us as to what was going to be done. He the choices were, he would be arrested or sent to the hospital to be evaluated and possibly placed at the South Texas Behavioral Hospital. The latter was the best chioce, however, it required us to get Ricky to agree. He finally agreed to go to the hospital. He was transported by ambulance and Carlos followed in our truck with my son. I was glad Caleb had come home and went with Carlos because I had to stay at home with the other boys. By the time I finally crawled into bed, it was after midnight. I layed there in bed thinking about the crazy and exhausting day I had and it dawned on me. It had been a full moon the night before... |
| Okay, it is Tuesday and I am just now getting a chance to write about my weekend. I had two things that stand out in my mind. I got a new phone last week. It is an LG Rumor. Fernie has an older version of the same phone that he just got as a hand-me-down as well. The two of us and Luis were talking about our phones and he was asking me if he could get a memory card for his phone. I told him that he could save up his allowance and get one if he wanted to. A 1GB card is $19.00 at the phone store but my niece told me about a cell phone accessory place downtown that has them for $10.00. He said okay and that was that. Well, on Saturdays, the boys get to go to the mall for a few hours, so my husband took them and dropped them off. I was the one that was sent to pick them up at 9:30. When the boys got in the car, Luis said that he got me something at the mall and he would give it to me when we got home. I said ok, cool. When we got home, Luis got out of the truck and ran inside ahead of me. When I walked in the door, he was standing in the foyer holding something up in his hand. He had a huge smile on his face; he was so proud of what he had found. When I took it from him and looked at it, I was shocked. I couldn't believe it. He had gotten me a 2GB memory card for my phone! He and Fernie had found them on sale at Radio Shack for $7.50. Fernie got one for himself and Luis remembered hearing me say I wanted to get one for my phone, so he spent some of his allowance on it for me. I was so touched and Luis just beemed with the biggest smile on his face. It really touched my heart. Super Bowl Sunday and I am in a house full of boys. What could be cooler! I grew up as a tomboy back in the day when being a tomboy didn't mean you were a lesbian. Not that I have anything against lesbians; several of my good friends are gay, but that is not me. I simple like a lot of the things guys do and for the most part, I think like a guy in a lot of areas, football being one of them. I used to play street football all the time growing up and I know the sport inside out. Well, we had to have good food and snacks for the game so for dinner, we did "Make Your Own French Bread Pizzas." My husband and I prepared all the toppings and set them on the counter. The boys put what ever they wanted on a split hoggie roll and it was put under the broiler. While they did that, I made hot and barbeque wings. We also had the required chips and nacho dip. Over all, it was good food and good fun. Our house was split between the Steelers and the Cardinals. Since my 2 favorite teams didn't make it (Dolphins and Cowboys), I was yelling for the Cardinals since I am a sucker for the underdog. They Steelers had their time in the spotlight and I felt like the Cardinals deserved it but... Oh well. (By the way, the "fumble" in the last 5 seconds should have been called an incomplete forward pass and that would have given the Cardinals one last chance at a hail mary pass to win!!!) Fernie helped me with a really cool desert. Fruit pizza (keeping with the pizza theme). Cresent dinner rolls form the crust with pudding for the "pizza sauce" and an assortment of fruit of your choice for toppings. (If interested in the receipe, e-mail me) It was great and a big hit with the boys. We had a pretty good weekend over all. Well, I will check back in a few days. Hope you keeping reading... |
| Well, like most other days, things were interesting today. It started off as a regular day. My husband and I went off to work and Myra go the boys off to school. We were in the middle of benchmark testing all week at the school where I work and I was covering a class at lunch. I finally got to check my phone and found that I had a voicemail from the nurse at the boys' school. The message said that it was not an emergency but that there had been an incident that we needed to be aware of. She said she would call my husband and let him know. Well, I later spoke with my husband and found out thaqt the bus that Luis rides to go from one campus to another was hit from behind. It was a hit and run. There were no injuries but the parents all had to be notified of the incident. When I got home that evening, I found out that Luis had had a day of "crashes". My husband picks them up after school in a 15 passenger van. Luis and Fernie were racing to the van to try and get the front seat. They weren't watching where they were going and hit at the same time, crashing into each other pretty hard. Again, no one was hurt and all began laughing like crazy. My husband dropped Ivan, Luis and Fernie off at the park to play soccer. Again, Luis had several "crashes" while they were playing. We have named him the "crash dummy" for the day. Carlos had to go back to work and get some paperwork done that had been piling up and said it would be at least 10:30 before he would make it back home. Well, that left me to get supper cooked, clean the kitchen and make sure all homework was done and showers were taken. After dinner, Rudy helped me with the dishes and the other boys went upstairs to chill. After we finished in the kitchen, Rudy went upstairs with the other boys and I went into the livingroom to watch TV. All of the sudden I heard a roaring noise coming from upstairs. When I went upstairs to check it out, in the boys bathroom I found Kirk and Fernie getting ready to get into the jacuzzi bathtub (in shorts, of course). I laughed and reminded them that a TINY bit of bath gel goes a looooooong way and that if they use to much, the bubbles will overtake the bathroom. Of course, as one might expect, the response from two teenage boys was, "COOL!!! let's try it out." I told them if they ever wanted to be allowed to use the jacuzzi again, they will use caution with the shower gel. They said OK and went off to take their bath. Hey, at least they finally cleaned the floor! LOL,LOL! |
| The title says our happy "little" family but I think that is an understatement. Our family is not very little and is very extended. Our current home, I say current because if we can't keep up with the mortgage payments it might change whether we like it or not, is a very large two story house. It has 3 bedrooms downstairs and 3 bedrooms plus the master suite upstairs. Also, off the kitchen downstairs is a one bedroom unfurnished efficency apartment and a huge 2 car garage. There is a formal livingroom and diningroom downstairs as well as a game room/library complete with a pool table. The kitchen is huge and has in it an area the size of most diningrooms where we eventually want to put a second diningroom table. The master suite upstairs and to the left, has a small living area with an archway that leads to the bedroom. The hall to the right of the stairs leads to the boy's side of the upstairs. They have a livingroom/common area and then two of the bedrooms. The third, tiny, bedroom is at the top of the stairs. The boys have a large bathroom upstairs with a stand-up shower in the corner and a huge jacuzzi bath tub (yes, I am jealous but I have a private terrace off the living area in the master suite so I just have to deal with it). We have a large front and back yards as well. That gives you a quick overview of the physical aspects of the house. Now for the living, breathing occupants. Of course there is me and my husband, Carlos. His mother also lives with us. She has Alzheimer’s and is confined to a wheelchair. Sometimes she knows what is happening and sometimes she doesn't. Most of the time she doesn't. Her room is the small one that is basically under the stairs downstairs. She is only in there to sleep at night so it works fine. Carlos' niece, his oldest sisters 29 year old daughter, lives in the efficency apartment with her life partner, Wendy, and a menagerie of animals. I will get to the animals later. Then we have the foster boys. Luis is 18 years old and in the 11th grade. He is a "special" boy with a big heart. We are actually beginning to see the real Luis as he has finally started to come out of his shell. He has begun to joke around and seems much more at ease than when he first arrived. His room is downstairs next to Grandma. The other full size bedroom downstairs will eventually be a guest room. Right now there is a plumbing problem with the tiny bathroom in that bedroom so we are using the room for storage/future cat nusery. Again, more on the animals later. Next up is Johnny. He is also 18 and in the 11th grade. He is now an officer in ROTC at the high school and is thinking about getting into the military when he graduates. He has come a long way since he came to live with us in August of last year. Johnny is kind of the leader of the group most of the time. Sometimes he gets a little carried away with the power, but for the most part I know I can trust him. Many times I would not have been able to stay sane without his help with the boys. A new arrival to our happy family is Johnny's younger brother Rudy. The boys were separated about 4 years ago because they were always fighting and the foster mother couldn't deal with it so she requested that they remove one of the boys. Since then, both boys have grown and matured to the point they were ready to be put back together. The problem was that some of the adults in the picture were holding grudges and didn't feel that they deserved to be back together because of their past behavior. Considering that we are talking about the difference between a 13 and 14 year old compared to a 17 and 18 year old, there is a BIG difference. We spoke with the therapist that works with both boys and well as the 2 CPS caseworkers involved. The supervisor of Rudy's caseworker used to be the caseworker for both boys back when they had been separated. He too agreed with us that the boys needed to be placed back together. Parental rights had been terminated so all the boys really have is each other. After a 2 month battle, and a lot of help from the boy's therapist, Rudy was placed with us. They share a room upstairs. Now we have Kirk. Talk about a small world. About 7 years ago I worked with a student in middle school by the name of Kevin. He was dealing with a lot of things including a very mixed up family. Kevin was from a very large family with many brothers and sisters. It was not a very good environment with drugs and abuse all around. Fast forward to now...When we got our first kids, Carlos made a joke saying, "Wouldn't it be a trip if we get Kevin." I told him Kevin was probably to old, lol... About a week later Carlos called me at work and said, "We jinxed it..." I asked him what he was talking about and he reminded me about our conversation about having Kevin placed with us. I said, "Your kidding right, not Kevin..." He said, "No, his brother Kirk." Small world huh... At the time Kevin was in County jail for sexual assult and the rest of Kirk's brother's and sister's were in a children's home. Kirk did not do well in the children's home setting and was then placed with us. He has done pretty well since he has arrived. He has 2 sisters that are adults now plus Kevin and about 4 younger brothers and sisters. The last and most recent addition to the family is Fernando, aka Fernie, or according to Luis, "Chef Boyardee". He was just moved due to the foster mom finding a hash pipe in his possession. She didn't want that in her home and requested his removal. The sad part is that it caused him to become separated from his twin sister. We are not set up to take in girls and they couldn't find a home that would be willing or able to take them both. He is really into soccer and has joined the soccer team at his new high school. Fernie and I were talking the other day and he said that he wanted to have a restaurant one day. He loves to cook. Well, we got to talking about cooking and decided that he and I would cook dinner together on Sunday night. I also told him that Carlos once had a restaurant. He owned a Mexican restaurant for about 2 years. This was just before I moved to Texas. It had closed before I had the privilege of knowing him. Fernie thought that was really neat. He seems to have fit into the family very well, very quickly. It is almost like he has always been here. Now, as I said before, Myra and Wendy live in the efficency apartment off the laundry room. Well, another of Carlos' neices, Sindy, and her roommate Cory and moving in with Myra and Wendy. That will make that apartment very cramped as it is, however, all 4 of them are not small people. Add to this, my mother-in-law in her wheelchair and that is a lot of people. But remember I hinted about the animals??? Well, Myra and Wendy have never been able to say no to the literal "sad puppy dog look" and thus the animal population has vastly out numbered the people population. They came with 4 dogs. Two medium size dogs, both black and both girls (Sassy Liliana and Vampress Marie) and two small dogs, both white and both boys (Sparky and Shadow). ALL of the dogs are inside dogs, no matter what their relative size. Well, Carlos got a chocolate lab puppy that he originally intended to have as an outside dog. OK, so with Myra and Wendy, that was not going to happen. "Hershey" was immediately accepted into the pack and became one of them. Though she wasn't black, she was colored and was a girl. Hershey took up residence in their apartment with the other dogs. Now, as if that is not enough, Myra also has 2 totally indoor cats that don't really get along very well. One is a HUGE gray and white cat named Sea Storm (fixed male) and the other us black and brown mixed small cat named Taco (female). No, I am not finished yet... Myra fell in love, and simply could not turn away from 2 tiny miniature Chihuahua puppies, black and brown and both girls, so they came home too. Of course Sindy and Cory had to have one of the Chihuahua puppies too... another black and brown girl. We are now up to what?? 2 cats and 8 dogs. Well, no I am not finished yet. Sindy's dad found a chocolate lab mix puppy that had been abandoned at his work. It seemed to be only 3-4 weeks old. Sindy's dad knows nothing about caring for one that small let alone the time it would take so he asked Myra and Wendy if they could raise it just long enough for it to be able to eat on it's own, so home it came. Last but not least is Ivan's german shephard puppy. Myra was going to take care of it until it is old enough to live outside at Ivan's house with Hershey's twin brother "Chocolate". So in an efficency apartment we have, if I can count that high, 10 dogs, 2 cats, and four people (plus grandma during the day). As I said, the animals out number the people. Oh, by the way, Carlos and I have a calico cat the is an indoor/outdoor cat that stays on our side of the house. Her name is Cali and she is currently pregnant. Hence the reference to the guest beedroom/cat nursery. With a house like ours, complete with a small zoo and a pack of teehage boys, you can be sure that there is never a dull moment. With that said, hold tight and keep checking back to see what crazy adventures are in store. |
| How do I begin?? Well, I was born in Miami Florida a very, very, very long time ago... I guess that's too far back. If I start here, we will never ever get to the foster parent thing so I had better fast forward a little. I am sure that in time, I will touch on things from my wonderful childhood, but for now I will jump to my adulthood. My husband and I began dating about 6 months after my divorce. I had my youngest son, he was 11 and in the sixth grade at the time, living with me and my next to the youngest, who was 14, lived with his dad. The other two were off on their own. My youngest, Caleb, had a hard time because he really liked Carlos, now my husband, but he felt like if he accepted Carlos he would betray his dad so he fought a battle within himself for a long time. He would be fine for a while but then when he would see his brothers, they would lay a guilt trip on him and we would have to rebuild again. In time, all but one of my boys came to accept Carlos. My oldest, now 25, never did accept him and probably never will. He blames Carlos for his parents spliting up. Carlos and I were very best friends during my separation and he was my shoulder to cry on. He would tell me to try and work things out with my husband but it just wasn't going to work. (Too much there to get in to!) My ex blamed everything on Carlos at first and my oldest believed him. Later, my ex told all the boys he had been wrong and Carlos didn't have anything to do with our divorce. He also told them that if he couldn't have me, at least he knew that I was with someone who really loved me would take care of me. That seemed to satisfy everyone except John, the oldest. He never did, and hasn't to this day, believed that Carlos had nothing to do with the separation. When Carlos and John cross paths, they simple don't speak and go their own ways. Caleb came to accept that mom was in a serious relationship and actually likes Carlos. He still, however, had a problem dealing with the thought of his mom being with and marrying another man. Carlos and I became engaged 4 years after we began dating. Caleb had mixed emotions about that. On the one side, he liked Carlos a lot and he knew that I was happy when I was with him, but on the other hand, he still couldn't get the thought of someone else in his moms bed out of his head. After all, that was supposed to be his dad. We sat down and talked with him about the engagement. We agreed that we would wait to get married until after Caleb got out of school and moved out on his own. Since I could not have any more kids (I had a tubal after Caleb was born) there was no biological clock ticking and we decided that we would have a lifetime together ahead of us so there was really no rush. Our engagement lasted 3 years and after 7 years of dating, we were finally married on December 27, 2007. This was a first marriage for Carlos at age 42 (I like to think he was waiting all this time just for me!) and a second for me at age 45. I can truely say I have never been happier in all my life. We really are soul-mates! Carlos and I are so much alike that we can finish each other thoughts half the time and we know what each other's thinking most of the time. This is very advantageous when it comes to dealing with teenagers because they have a hard time trying to play us against each other. We both see things the same way and give them the same answers without ever confering with each other. During the many years of dating we had discussed the fact that I could not give him any children and he didn't have any of his own. He had practically raised his nephew, Ivan, since he was six so he considers Ivan as his son but he has none of his own. We both work in the field of education. I am a special education teacher with emotionally handicapped students and he is now working at the Juvenile Justice Alternative Education Program. They teach juveniles that are one step away from jail but not quite there yet. He is the community coordinator. He does the community service with the students and does the follow-up when they have earned their way back to their home campus. When we were out on a date we jokingly talked about running a boy's home some day. We both had so much experience with troubled teen boys. Over time, we actually started talking about being foster parents with teenage boys. The joking started to become serious conversation and in time, we did become foster parents. We now have 5 teenage boys ages 15-18 living in our home. This gives you some back ground as to where this all began. Next I will let you in for a guided tour of our home and it's odd mix of occupants. |
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