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I choose to begin again. This is my new blog. |
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This is my blog. It will be personal, emotional, and I may vent. I may use it for group items, such as or other purposes ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** This is where residents of Blog City can come and relax. Read, meditate, or write in quiet comfort and peace. Let your mind wander and your muse wonder. Soothing snacks and bountiful beverages abound. Peace is our goal. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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| Yesterday, Denise Wolfgram died as a result from injuries she suffered at the hands of a thief, who broke into her apartment. Denise was born April, 1960 in Michigan. She is survived by her second husband and her son. Her constant companion, Shadow, a cocker spaniel, is lost. She keeps crying. Her son, who was at school during the break in, blames himself for not saving his mother. She is also survived by her parents, sister and two brothers, a niece, and nephew. Her best friend is in complete shock over the murder. Denise will be cremated on Thursday, March 14, 2013. She has asked that her ashes be disposed of privately. Her husband and son will slowly pour them in their commode at home that evening. She has also asked to not have a wake. It would be best if the people who knew her, quietly reflect on the way they treated her in life. Ask for God's forgiveness before their chance eludes them. Denise has been released from the physical, emotional, and mental pain she suffered here on earth. She is finally at peace. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Thankfully, I've never been involved with the death penalty. I was always taught that two wrongs don't make a right. When I was much younger, I believed in what my parents did. I did not have a mind of my own. As I grew older, I began forming my own opinions. I found that they were different from what I grew up with. They, especially my father, were not happy about this occurrence. .I don't believe in the death penalty. I know people would ask me the ultimate question. Would you want the death penalty if someone murdered your son and /or husband?The state I live in doesn't have the death penalty. If someone did this to my family, I'd want justice. If sitting in a prison for the rest of their life, then so be it. If you can't do the time; don't do the crime. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| There is one time I would "hit" the "rewind" or "redo" button in my life. In 1979, I had just completed my first year of Technical School in July, of that year. I went back home for a short summer break, then I would return for my second and final year. On August 28,1979, my whole life changed. I was changing the bedding on my bed when a connecter in my neck popped loose. I'm hydrocephalus and have to have a shunt to drain CSF from my brain. To make a really long story short, my mother put me under the care of a quack. What should have been one surgery, two weeks in the hospital, and back to my life, turned into eight surgeries, six months in and out of the hospital, and a host of other things. My mother's decision placed me in danger of losing my life. If there was a "redo" or "rewind" button, I would have told her to take me to the doctor I trusted. I would've had the one surgery. I probably would have been able to return as scheduled in September, 1979. I would have met the guy who ended up being my first husband. In the redo world, we would not have become so close. We would have not married and I would have been a great deal happier. The friends I made before the surgery would still be my friends and we would've still kept in contact. I still would've come to visit Bill in Saginaw. I still would make the move twenty-six years ago TODAY! I would have still went for the degrees I got, met and married ACE  and had WorkInProgress . Bill was a guy I met while attending the technical school. He had polio and was in a electric wheelchair as a result. He was the one , along with my best friend in the whole wide world, Laurie, who kept my spirits up during that horrible time.I still had to suffer losing Bill in 2006. He passed away on my birthday of that year due to post-polio syndrome. Most of the friends I made when I first came to visit in February, 1983, either have moved away or died. I guess that means I have to start over again for the third time. I wish there was a "redo" or "rewind" button for bringing loved ones back. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| My favorite fairy tale was The Little Mermaid. The reason for the choice is because as I read the story, I hoped my life would be similar later. As the story went, the little mermaid wanted to be human. She wanted to have human legs instead of a fish tail. A fairy Godmother did something to make her sleep for a few hours. When she awakens, she has legs and has to learn to walk. She meets a handsome man and he falls in love with her and her beauty. He doesn't know her true identity. She acclimates to this new world above the water. She finds that she has to make a choice. She would either turn back into a mermaid and return to her family. Or she would stay human and never see her family again. If I remember correctly, she chose her family and went back to being a mermaid. She chose love over her wants and desires. I did the exact opposite. I led a very sheltered life before I moved out on my own in 1987. My parents wanted me to satisfy what THEY wanted instead of what I needed. If most members of WDC don't know, I have several physical challenges. Because of this, my "parents"came to the assumption that I wouldn't be able to handle the day to day tasks. My "mother" didn't like the fact that I would live three hours away. In the last twenty-six years, I've married twice, had a child, finished my college education and received a Masters degree, survived one divorce, survived the passing of five friends, and moved once. I've also survived hospitalizations and surgeries. I'vr had ups and downs, but I wouldn't change a thing. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I personally feel there are justifications for losing your temper. For me, the justifications are when someone who supposedly says they loved me, lies. Bask when I was ten, my maternal grandparents moved from Detroit to White Lake, Michigan. During the weekend we helped moved them, we stayed for a few extra days to get everything set up. On the morning of the second day, I was awaken and laying in my sleeping bad. My Mother asked me what I was thinking about. I asked her how long it took to make a baby. She told me without hesitation. Again, I was quiet. I asked for their wedding date. She, again, answered without trepidation. I was again quiet. Then I asked the bombshell question: Is the guy I've been calling Dad really my father? Her reaction was just as explosive. She told me, in no uncertain terms, never to bring it up again. What I figured out wass that this woman, who claimed to be a virgin, on her wedding day, wasn't. When I was eight, I took ballet lessons. My younger brother took tap at the same school. He was five. We went through the season and a dance recital was the culmination. At the recital's conclusion, Miss Shirley, the teacher, took my mother aside and informed her that I wouldn't be welcomed back in the Fall. But my brother was free to resume tap lessons. During the subsequent years, my brother didn't continue with the lessons, but I kept asking if I could go again. My mother kept telling me they didn't have the money for the lessons. They were only $2.00/per kid. How could we go on trips to the Smokey Mountains, Florida, and to the cabin? There must be money for that? After thirty years, she finally confessed the truth. Here I was-being lied to AGAIN. I really lost my temper and let her have it. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Death and I have shook hands many times. Every time it has not been my fault. I wasn't diagnosed with all of my medical issues until I was two months old. Back then, if I died, Nobody would have missed me. There is a photo of my "father" holding me and my forehead was already protruding out because of CSF building up. I didn't have my first shunt inserted until three months old. After my miracle doctor was found, I was able to live a somewhat normal life. Over the years, I had to have several surgeries to repair or have the shunt replaced. Once I was told what was going on and why my head hurt and i was in the hospital, I put all my trust in the doctor. When I was fourteen, I had a horrible back problem. I went to see Dr. L, but was referred to his associate. The associate didn't know what he was doing. My "mother" had me discharged. She took me to another doctor who was able to treat the problem correctly. Five years later, my shunt had to be repaired again. My "mother" asked me who I wanted to see. I told her Dr. L. Instead, she took me to the doctor who treated my back. As a result, this was a bad move. The reason she took me to the second doctor was because Dr. L. moved his office and no longer had hospital privileges where she worked. His office and the hospital were farther away. I ended up having eight surgeries,three life threatening diseases, and six months in and out of the hospital. I was nineteen then. I don't drive. I have been "pushing the envelope" closer to the edge for many years. By now, I blew it off. What scares me about death is all of the unfinished business in life. There are things I need to have in place regarding WorkInProgress . If I drew my last breath before his 18th birthday, I want to make sure he is in a safe place. And not around people who would put him in danger.** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| My childhood had a great deal of things I wouldn't wish on any other kid. There were a few things that I had that I do wish for other children. My extended family was great. I LOVED my maternal grandmother. I remember staying at her house and she would talk to me about my uncles and aunt when they were younger. Those talks were very enlightening. She would always bestow praise on her oldest girl-my mother. My Godfather, who was her oldest son, died three years after she did. She said he was a go getter. The second thing I wished all kids had was the love and loyalty of a dog. We got Sandy, our female c. spaniel when I was nine and a half. She was five weeks old. Having her taught me what unconditional love and loyalty. I would make sure she had food, water and lots of love. She took to me like a fish to water. She stuck to me like glue. When I was sick she was on the bed comforting me. She passed away in 1983. Even though we have Shadow, I believe Sandy's spirit is deep insid Shadow. The third thing is going to the local amusement park right before the new school year begins. My "father" was a cop. The association had an annual picnic at Edgewater Park. If you knew a cop, you could get in for free for the day. Many times we met up with friends of my "parents" . The guy was also a cop. There were other years when they invited extended family on both sides. Those were the best times I'll never forget them. Edgewater has since been torn down. The neighborhood has deteriorated since then. The fourth thing I wish every child had was a yearly trip to a cabin that was owned by a friend of my "father". Making sand castles on the beach, going on my first boat ride, watching my grandfather and uncles barbecue raindrops because they were drunk were some of the highlights of those years. The cabin has since been torn down. All that is left is a wooden chair swing. The last thing I wish children could experience is going to the Better Maid potato chip store. This store was on the way to my grandparents house. They had the best penny candy in the world. Candy buttons, candy necklaces, flying saucers, bubble gum cigars, and nickel nip bottles were some of the treats we'd feast on. There may be a couple more, but mostly, my childhood wasn't a happy one. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| The thing that I can find at home that I can't find anywhere else is my son's love and caring. I'm not saying that he doesn't love me when we're out someplace else. At home, it is easier to talk about family maatters privately. I've loved my son since before he was born. A child's love is unconditional and so very precious. I've told my son since he was a baby that he can come to me about anything. I have reiterated this throughout his life. I don't want to give him conditional love. That is what I got from my "parents". That is no way to live. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| It seemed, and still does, that I don't have the will to just live my life without telling my "mother" everything I do. I'm not the one to call her for approval. She is the one to call and asks the point blank question:What's going on? Why are you doing that? She's always been critical and judgmental of me. It's been more so since I moved out on my own, twenty-six years ago. Sit back and I'll tell you my woe. It was December, 1988. My "father" picked me up to take me to their house for the holidays. I don't drive and they had said it would be a waste to take a bus. The second night of my stay, I was in the kitchen sitting at the table. My "mother' was ironing and we began to talk about non-important matters. Out of the blue, I told her that I reconnected with an old boyfriend. I didn't know why I told her this, but I did. As her usual routine, she told me, in no uncertain terms, that that was a bad idea. She began asking the usual questions. How is he? What has he been doing for the past five years? Did he get married? Does he have any kids? I figured that I already put one foot in the manure, I might as well go all the way. She asked if he had a car. Would he come to visit me? Is he working? When he first met my parents, it was in 1983 at Christmas time. My grandparents were supposed to come for a visit as well. We received word that my grandfather was ill. I still wondered where my then boyfriend was. He didn't show up until after 11:00. He said he had to work late. He then got lost and those were the reasons for the delay. Needless to say, this didn't sit well with my parents. Everyone started on the wrong foot. We ended up breaking it off-or I did a few months later. I wrote him a "Dear Perry" letter. The one thing that she feared the most happened in April, 1992. I married this guy. A tremendous mistake on my part. We divorced five years later. I know that my "parents" crippled me. Especially my "mother" in that regard. This is long story, best left for some other time. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| This is a hard question for me to answer. As I thought more about this, there is something that I am obsessed about. Having questions answered by my "parents". I have an insatiable need to clear the air and get things out in the open. All my life, my mother has lied to me about the fact that she was preegnany with me BEFORE she got married. She has denied this since I was old enough to understand. I don't want to get into these questions. They need to be answered before they die. I did find out that my "father" told her the REAL reason why he didn't take me to my high school's Father/Daughter dance. He told me that he didn't want to go because smoking wasn't allowed in the school. Then, what's the explanation for him taking his daughter four years later and ATTENDING THE DANCE!! I need to do this because I don't want it eating me alive after they are gone. My "mother" did that . Her parents have been gone for twenty-six and twenty-years respectively. Both of them are eighty-one and seventy-eight respectively. I have to do this very soon. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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