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When one blog is filled, another one must open. |
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Coming soon: more work from someone creative, ambitious, and determined - often called a variant of insane/crazy. Notes: Genderfluid. Preferred pronouns (they/them) [& denotes married couples] Immediate Family: soon-to-be-ex-Dilbert, Tempest, Dogbert My Extended Family: (s)Dad, cousins (K, D, G, J, F, N) I guess it's good to be on speaking terms with someone. Voluntarily. AuntS Dilbert's Extended Family: SIL (+5 kids)& BIL, FIL's gf (only for holidays, mostly) Important People I Don't See Enough: Owl + Partner, Paradise ICON crew (which owl is a part of) People I've Known a Long Time/Long Distance: Doc & [husband], Sheer & DocSheer, Mrs. Light & [husband], Trillium & Diego (not married but close enough), Steph Local People: MotherDroid, Owl&Partner ... There are about to be new people on this list, because, well, I'm evolving. And it hurts. DnD: used letters, S (DM), D(doctor), Y(because I like him!), K(old RPGer friend who also attends church), P(church guy who does game night and is local and our families are also friends), A (went to church but moved back to Chicago, moved back locally then i moved) Tempest's friends: I don't know very many of her local friends. She's got an internet buddy who also talks to CousinK's younger daughter. the younger daughter is DRAMA. Dogbert's friends: Has a new group of friends based on a Pokemon thing and they have a DnD club at school and outside of school. Lucky kid! |
| Something's shifted in my head, and perhaps it's just because I'm overwhelmed. Dilbert is gone again. Second week in a row, for a couple of days. He'll be back tomorrow. This is just the point where I'm catching this crap that's rolling around. (not in order it happened, but in the order I noticed that it's a problem) 1. I wrote poetry. 2. Feeling futility about the get-together that I wanted to put together but now I'm obsessing because I can't play the game I want and everyone else volunteered to bring the only food I'm good at making first. (leaving me with vegetables? I don't even know what to do with vegetables.) 3. Looking at the words I'd left off mid-sentence earlier in the day and going, why are you even trying. It sucks. The kids take longer and longer to put to bed by myself. I *Just* got Dogbert to bed again and I hear him sniffling and he just wants to sleep with me. I'm not motivated to do anything right now. Work at the Y? Questionable. Work for the martial arts dude? Meh. Do this book? Two days ago I have ALL THE MOTIVATION and today it drained out like the bathtub water. What does it matter what game we play if we're at least getting together? Why am I telling myself to call and say I can't go? Mom's coming to watch my kids Saturday so I can do yoga, but I just don't know that I want to do that, either. I wanted to get on top of things before DIlbert got back. Because you KNOW how he is. He's offering to take those lularoe things that i had in piles downstairs (some with tags) and take them to goodwill. Damnit, I spent too damn much on them to not at least try to sell them again. He only wants the tax deduction for the stupid stuff, and I need to come to grips with the money I'm never going to see. LIke he wants me to stop the PO Box. Because .... why do I have to get mail somewhere else? Especially if I can't write erotica. Because I have no sex drive and no sexual interest. Yea. you just try to write a sex scene that way. (he didn't say the last part out loud, that's just me. He wants me to have interest and drive, but really, he doesn't actually do anything to help it so he can shut up.) Dogbert also reminded me I promised to have lunch with both my kids at school tomorrow. Because tomorrow's the only day I can manage, and it's book fair week. And it's lunch with your kindergartener again next Monday and I can never go Mondays because now I have two classes at the Y and I can only get a sub for one of them and his 20 minute lunch period is smack in the middle of my time there. Today I listened to a man talk about Vegas, since he recently moved from there. He knew people who had been hurt. He just needed to talk, so I let him. I plied him with a couple questions when he might have gone silent, and he seemed to appreciate that. Introduced himself at the end. Decent fellow, but that's a hard part of moving. You can still be connected to where you were from and not be able to grieve properly. Then I cried in the car for no good reason. Just stupid poetry and feeling so [insert a word between lost and empty]. I did tai chi twice today, but I threaten the kids within inches of anything to stay there. It's not really worth it. I shouldn't be so selfish as to try to do these things for myself when I'm alone with them, especially knowing they have to stay with me and not be in an age-appropriate environment because none of that is friendly toward my children at the Y. I think I forgot to get the forum during my timespan, because I'm stupid that way and my mother was here and it's a crazy day. I don't know why I'm bothering to prep a book that I shouldn't even bother writing. Who needs a sequel to AofS when the stupid thing is out of print? At least I should really check and see if it is out of print. It's not gelling anyway. (or is that the despair talking?) How the hell am I supposed to pull enough badass out of me to go take my test for yellow belt tomorrow? while Mom was here I worked hard and i folded all the stupid laundry and then Tempest plopped down on the couch and it all rolled off.  There's just no point to any of it at all. |
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