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A place to siphon off the lousy brain stuff to make room for better ideas... [R] |
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"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." - Cyril Connolly The above quote is true, but off and on for the last five hours, I've been scouring the internet looking for a different quote.
It may not have been a quote at all. Perhaps it was just a blurb that I read in passing on some Pinterest meme, but it described what I wanted to do with this blog perfectly. It stated that a writer has to write mounds and mounds of bad stuff in order to make room in the brain for the good stuff worth writing. Ideas, if held captive, will just swirl around in the mind until they stall, stagnate, and ferment. A regular writing habit of scribbling these thoughts and ideas down has cleared my mind like an open window in springtime. I have a freewriting journal I keep with my trusty Smith-Corona typewriter, and up to this point, I have also made a couple of scribbles in my WDC notebook. Having finally ponied up for an Upgraded account, I can now collect all the nuttiness and post them here for most to see (this blog is semi-private). The first thing I want to do is move a couple of those said scribbles from my WDC notebook to here for my own reference and for your reading enjoyment—or lack thereof. From there, whenever something pops up I'll be here. For bad or for worse, writing in here will in time make room for something a little more worthy of sharing. I should also mention that I like foxes, so they'll show up every now and again.  *This blog is updated sporadically as the mood strikes me. It's not how most blogs work, I know. **I also bumped the rating up to 18+, because swearing happens sometimes. Alt codes!  |
| Since writing about athlete's foot or the rising cost of Obamacare isn't doing it for me today, I'll share a story with all of you that made my mother-in-law laugh. Last week, I was grocery shopping at my local Super One, picking up a few quick staples. I grabbed some extra eggs because my husband likes to make himself those bagel breakfast sandwiches for snacks. Since I was picking up eggs, I figured, why not pick up some of that deli ham he likes on those, too? At the deli counter, I looked over the ham selection to find something that was reasonably priced. The pitt ham looked good, and there was plenty already shaved up. So, looking the counter lady right in the eye, I asked, "Could I have a pound of paved shit ham, please?" As soon as it came out, I knew something was amiss. "I mean paved shi- Paved sh- Pa- Shaved. Pitt. Ham. Please." The poor lady kept her cool. She packaged the ham and gave a quick, curt thank you. She made a point not to look me in the eye. My mom-in-law thought that I should have told hubby the story, too. But we figured that joke would get around the house quick, and the last thing we need is the little girl asking for her special "paved shit ham" sandwiches.  |
| Graded and recorded for Comma Sense, so here we go... Last time on Comma Sense Nuttiness... (If you haven't done so, read this first: "Invalid Entry" )Me: (sighs) Okay, you twit. Ready for me to prove you wrong? Comma: (downs the rest of his latte and places cup and saucer on the desk with a clatter) If you can, I would like to see it. Me: (Cracks knuckles and starts pounding away on the keyboard, hard copy of my previous lessons open on my lap...) And now we continue... Brandi clackity-clacked on the keyboard for a few more minutes, and when she completed her food tracking for the day, she put her binder away, rose from her desk, and headed for bed. "Where are you going?" Comma asked. "Food tracking? That's it? You were talking a big game a minute ago. What about this assignment? And what happened to the script form?" "You're starting to sound like Question Mark," I replied. "And scripts won't blend well with this assignment. I have to go narrative from here on out. But don't you worry. I'll get up bright and early tomorrow and show you how much I rock at comma usage." The bedroom door slammed, ending the conversation, and Brandi got a better night's sleep than she had in a while. SIX DAYS LATER... With the due date looming ever closer, Brandi sat at the computer once again, resigned to finish what she started. "Well, well, well," Comma said. "Look who's back from holiday. Did you have a nice weekend? Enjoy the sun and fun?" "Whatever. Let's get this over with." "Tut, tut. So snippy." Comma poured boiling water into this silver tea pot to steep his custom-ordered organic Earl Grey Pomegranate tea. "The first rules shouldn't tax you in any case." He replaced the gleaming lid with a mutter, "If you are half as good as you say." Binder open, Brandi went into full concentration mode as she read through the first lesson. "Rule one: Independent Clauses Joined by Coordinating Conjunctions. Fanboys. Okay, I got this." 1. The comma may be the most misused punctuation mark, [1] but it is also the punctuation mark with the most rules. "Yes, yes. We commas are a noble, busy bunch," Comma said. He wiped off his favorite rose-painted tea cup and placed it neatly on its saucer to await the steeping tea. "We really deserve more respect." "Okay, rule two, rule two." Brandi ran her finger down the plastic-coated pages. "Man, there are a lot of rule one exceptions... Ah! Rule Two. Introductory Adverbial Clauses." A quick clackity-clack got the example on the screen. 2. If you carelessly place the comma incorrectly, [2] he will start to insult your intelligence. "Naturally," Comma said as he poured his tea. "The rest in lesson one deals with adjectives and elements." Brandi paused for a think, then continued her comma crusade: 3. The high maintenance comma has a finicky, [3] fussy temperament. 4. He even prefers his expensive [4] chai latte in an antique [4] tea cup. 5. Brandi, [5] a student in Winnie's Comma Sense course, [5] has taken up the challenge of learning the correct usage of the comma. Hmm... "essential elements", Brandi thought. Tricky... ah ha! 6. Thinking of an example [6] which uses the Essential Elements rule [6] is tricky. "That's cheating!" Comma scoffed as he stirred his cooling tea. 7. The sentence [7] that illustrated the Essential Elements rule [7] is a perfectly valid example. "What the... Hmmph!" Comma threw down his spoon. "I hope she takes points off for that." "And that's lesson one," Brandi said. "Lesson Two... sweet! Elements in a series..." 8. Other punctuation marks that can be used in place of the comma are semicolons, [8] em dashes, [8] and periods. Comma choked on his tea when he read the example. "Ack! Arumph! Augh. A-hem. Excuse me?" "Whether you drown in your tea or not, it's still true. But since you survived, I guess I'll be nice..." 9. Although not applicable in every case, [9] writers need not rely on the comma alone for clarification. "So sweet of you," Comma said as he wiped himself off with a silk monogrammed handkerchief. 10. This sentence doesn't need the snippy comma [10] drinking his fancy-pants tea. Comma poured himself a fresh cup of tea. "Oh, like I care." 11. However, [11] he will have to put down his tea to show up for this sentence. "What? Fine, then! Hold my tea." Comma shoved his tea cup in Brandi's direction, and she only half-caught it while the other half spilled on her lap. 12. Ouch, [12] that tea's hot! "THAT'S ME! TEARING IT UP!" "Hello, Pointless," Comma and Brandi muttered in unison. "HEY! WE'RE ON TO LESSON THREE!" 13. I'll come back and finish this assignment [13] after I change into some dry clothes. "Very well," Comma said as he reclaimed his cup and poured himself another tea. "Just remember the lesson is due on Thursday." "YEAH! THURSDAY!" "Oh, shut it." Brandi changed and returned to the computer, dry and comfortable, to proceed through the lesson: 14. Fortunately, [14] I just did my laundry and have some fresh pajamas. 15. I feel like I'm constantly [15] running the laundry machine some days. Looking over the next rule, Brandi realized that she reached her Comma Achilles' Heel... 16. Brandi read the lesson over and over to understand Absolute Phrases, [16] her lesson binder on her lap. "Good luck with that," Comma muttered. 17. Remarkably [17] she got it. "We'll see." 18. Brandi put the lesson binder away [18] and wrote the example for rule sixteen. "SIXTEEN! SEVENTEEN! EIGHTEEN! YEAH!" Exclamation Point cheered. "AAACCK!" Comma screamed. "THAT'S THE SPIRIT!" 19. The binder that holds all the Comma Sense lessons up to this point [19] landed too close to comma's up of tea. "OH! THAT'S BAD!" 20. Comma had to act fast to move his cup of tea, [20] he snatched up his tea cup before the binder knocked it over. Comma had to act fast to move his cup of tea. He snatched up his tea cup before the binder knocked it over. "It's obviously too dangerous to drink anything around you two." Comma packed up the vigilant remains of this tea time on his tray. "Good luck on that pitiful excuse of an assignment!" he yelled as he stomped away. "WELL! THAT WAS KIND OF BACKHANDED!" Exclamation Point noted. Brandi saved her document and stretched her arms over her head. "Nah, that's just his way of acknowledging I did okay. But I might have to do something about this absurd word count." THE END! YEAH! |
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