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One man's journey to find the way home |
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit. I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation.... WELCOME!! |
| A long time ago I found myself in a residential facility called Sun house. I can not help wondering if there is something I can learn from it all, as I work less in residential at Whitney Way wondering sometimes if I matter since I can't give as much as I did at one time. In the seventies I was in an awful place. It was called Taunton State Hospital. I recall it today as a place I never should have gone. Even today I am scarred from what happened there. Sun house was my hope, although let's be clear not a place I chose to be in. I longed to go home, the place I was at before being hospitalized. It never happened! So I needed a place to find myself to recover what I wanted out of life, except without the help of mom and dad who for whatever reason were nowhere to be found. My siblings were not around either. You grow up in a world where family is a constant and it is replaced. I was depressed as hell would I even survive? At some point you just decide that you are going to hang on for the ride. My earliest memory at Sun house was not a very good one. I had a room mate who just happened to be gay. It was not a room mate I chose. We hardly talked. I can only guess he was in a dark place, because I would find out in a talk around a table in the kitchen area that my roommate Richard (I still recall his name), had tried to commit suicide. Then I heard words that still sting, from a young woman who was a former resident. "I would rather be with Richard in hell than with you in heaven." Obviously she knew I was studying to be a minister even if I never broadcasted it. So it was at this point I woke up in a manner of speaking. Hey this woman did not even know me! Thus began a quest to understand what it means to be a minister that continues to this day. So who do I give my life to? Do they need to meet certain conditions? Hey it says in the Bible that Jesus died for us even while we were yet sinners. And yet the struggle for truth continues. Let's be real. There are some staff and residents I like more than others. Yet does that mean I give my life any less to those I might call my friends than enemies. A good place to start. What do you think? Where do you live and who would you give your life for? |
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