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One man's journey to find the way home |
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit. I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation.... WELCOME!! |
| 140 days till my birthday for whatever it is worth and close to 11,850 as the month closes. Hope means that while others want to work I work hopeful for whatever tomorrow will bring. It is about what tomorrow can bring not retirement or even the necessity of being with family. It is praying and anticipating that others know the same blessing I want now and every day. I am past the idea of treating everyday as my last, now every day is like an anticipation of birth we can share together. By the time this crisis ends we will come out of our homes as we came forth from our mothers womb, celebrating each and every human life as a gift of God |
| I am dealing with alleegies, a little runny nose and cough. Seems like an awful time to experience anything like that with coronavirus anxiety. God be with me give me strength and wisdom in the days ahead. |
| I find myself in a delicate place. I could believe that I could make it past the current trial. When I say to not give up it is a sentence that I offer up to myself that I do not sell myself short, which does not mean that I like my current job any less. It will take a while to let myself be caught up in the ether of writing bliss, since I decided for whatever reason that my current situation is the only thing that matters even if it is the last thing I do. I have potential to share a journey if I can hang on long enough. That does not mean my life is more attractive that the life of someone else. It only means that I take those with me that have filled my life with what amounts to a second chance, which means if I am anyone I refuse to give up on me. |
| Looking at broken shards of glass in a mirror of tomorrow. How will I know that the mirror of my life of my life reflects who and what God would want me to be. I could honestly see the potential for woundedness. It is reflected in the shards which form a prism of multicolored light. |
| Every story has a beginning and an end. At the moment the human population lies captive to the carona virus, a little dog holds on to life as graciously as is possible. He has given so many moments of love and laughter. Let's take a walk or more like it a frenetic run up and over the furniture encircling rapture. Now he moans and breathes in and out wondering what happened to the next chapter. When Mom was alive I wrote over and over about Buddy the wonder dog. It gave her hope and cause to laugh in the midst of dealing with Lou Gehrig's disease. In some sense I think Mom is here wiping away tears. Buddy served a purpose to share live and truly make others want to live, looking forward to the next day more wonderful than the one before. It was a chance meeting of rescue that bright us together and will bring us together again. |
| I am trusting God to be with me. Now it is 5 months and counting. God give me wisdom and strength in days ahead |
| I fear for my brother and family. Will I survive my next work gauntlet? I really do not know where my life will go next. I look at options. I made it to 7 months before the craziness. What will it look like when the smoke clears? |
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