Thanks for the helpful video and for sharing your personal experience, Minja.
It's good to know that one's presence is appreciated even if it didn't accomplish much during the time of mourning. I often wish I could do more in the way of offering comfort or consolation but things always seem to come out wrong, so I usually keep my distance during such loaded moments. Hopefully, in time, I will learn to be a better friend.
Yes, it is true that everyone deals with grief differently and it is true we don't know what to say to them in grieving moments because all words in the world seems meaningless to us and also to them. But don't let this discourage you or bring you to the point where you might think something like: oh, I'm not needed here. I'm sure they won't even know I was present at the funeral (or in the grieving moments) because they have so much going on already. My condolences are meaningless considering what turmoil grieving person is going through so I might just pull myself out until things get better.. and stuff like that. From my own personal experience of course, and I understand that there are people who just don't know how to deal with those effected by grief, you are expected to utter condolences no matter how small and invisible they look like to grieving people and no matter how much you don't know about dealing with grief. I say this because, when my father died two years ago, there were 3 of my friends beside me that day. I thought I didn't see the others because there were so many other people around but no, ONLY 3 of my friends (people who live door next to me, people who I grew up with, people who I went to school with, people who I hang out with) were beside me that day. I don't know why the others who live next to me didn't show up. And even though in that moment this really didn't matter to me, I woke up a month after the funeral and I asked my mom who else was there. She said no one else but only 3 of them. I was devastated just month after and still am and will be till the rest of my life because I went to the funerals of their family members and would go to funerals to their family members when they happen. I also had people on here, on WdC, saying condolences and while their comments didn't mean anything to me back then, they do matter now when I check that post. Of course, grief is a complexed theme for talk and there is more to it than saying condolences, but let this be like some kind of guide from the point of view of someone who lost a dear person and who went through it all.
Regarding grieving process after, I think it depend of individual. I'm sure though, if you have close friends who will grieve one day, you will know what kind of role you might take in their lives because you probably know them and know how to offer your services in their time of need.
One thing that I characterize myself with is empathy and the fact that I can relate to other people's feelings if those are people who I care for a lot and it helps me a little to understand them and their needs. Grieving requires a lot of patience and empathy as well as understanding, nothing less than that. It's up to you how much you are able to give it out. I find this short video on differences between sympathy and empathy very uhmm... spot on, not just on grief, but also on all kind of inner suffering .
Fantastic piece! I loved reading it. You did a terrific job putting it together, and you have an excellent voice. I was smiling the entire time I read it. Go Sunspear!!
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