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Unrelated Ramblings |
I have desire to write. At least I think I want to. You see I don't trust myself or my feelings anymore due to depression. I don't know why, or what, if anything, prompted this urge; more than likely the subconscious nagging was brought on by depression as an attempt to do something, have a passion for something, anything. Depression and poor life choices coupled with bad decisions combine to rob or strip desire, passion, goals - until forgotten then cease to exist. I have had this same desire to write in the past on occasion. Throughout my life I've gone through phases feeling I wanted to write. The earliest effort I recall making was during the early nineties when I bought a bunch of books on writing and being published along with a thesaurus. I never finished reading the books. Once I did start a story longhand in a spiral bound notebook. I only ended up with maybe four or five pages the best I can recall. It was going to be a Christian story for teens about a kid who gets a hot-rod but crashes it and is devastated because his friend is killed in the crash. That's all I can remember about it now. I've tried keeping a journal but all I'd write about was how I felt or what I wanted; I never really understood that would be more of a diary. I did this both in sixth grade as a class project for a few months and on my own. Along with depression and laziness and having little creativity leads to practically a nil prospect of any type of serious writing - journal, blog, story or any derivation thereof. But I want to want to write. |