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 |   A journey of self-improvement - or not. |
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Sup? I'm Char. You may know me from timeless classics such as
and
I blog for things like
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+] Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya They say jump and ya say "how high?" Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head |
Artist: Barenaked Ladies Song: Pinch Me [Embed For Use By Upgraded+] mic check… testing… testing… Uh, hey there. How goes? I’ve started and restarted this entry probably five times over the past few months. I’ve wanted to update, but I’m never quite sure what to say. Or more importantly, how to say it. I know a few people have asked where I’ve been though, so I thought it might be time to at least update my blog, although I’m not sure if I’ll actually come out of hiatus- now or ever. Where I’ve been… You might think I’ve been living off the grid and fighting bears for the last tin of beans, but alas, no. I’ve primarily been working. I’m still working remotely, although I’ll be returning to the office at least part-time in a couple of weeks. I typically work outside on the balcony and drink iced coffee in the afternoons. Try to get some vitamin d and all that. I’ve been working a lot of hours (so many that I’m actually considering looking for another job), but when I’m not working I spend my time reading or learning something new. I think during Covid it has been super important for me to stay productive to keep from getting depressed. I haven’t spent a lot of time just aimlessly browsing the web or watching YouTube videos. We’ve been so isolated the past 15 months or so, but I’ve enjoyed hanging out with Kira. There have been times I’ve forgotten there’s even a pandemic going on, especially after completely unplugging from the news and sites like Reddit or… here.  What’s new… Let’s see. Not a whole lot, I guess. I’ll be fully vaccinated next week, as in I’ve already had both vaccines and I’m waiting the two-week period to have max immunity. I didn’t have many issues with either dose of vaccine and neither has anyone I know in real life. I think my dad had a fever for like 10 hours. On my first dose, I just had arm pain which almost everyone has. The night before my second dose I had the most severe migraine I’ve had in probably a year. After the second shot I had arm pain, some muscle cramps, and complete fatigue that went away within 48 hours. I would have been fatigued regardless of vaccine status given the migraine I had a few hours before. Much better than the family I know right now who has been sick with Covid for the past 3 weeks and has had several members in and out of the hospital. Personally, I would be super embarrassed to get sick with Covid after being eligible to get vaccinated for the past few months, but I don’t try to talk to or rationalize with those people anymore. If they want to get sick, more power to them. Other than that, I’ve saved up quite a bit of PTO time because we couldn’t really do anything last year. I think I have about 20 days right now to last me the rest of the year, so that’s 4 weeks of work I can skip out on, if I can ever find the time to take it. We’ve talked about a couple different places we might want to go this summer/fall so I’m looking forward to getting back out into society, and super thankful that I don’t have to worry about my loved ones getting sick anymore now that we’re all vaccinated. Why I haven’t been here… Honestly? It’s just easy to not come here. I don’t want to speak too bluntly, but it actually started to depress me to come to a site centered around writing and have absolutely no motivation to, you know, write. I didn’t set out with any intention to not respond to emails or to do more than accidentally come to the site every once in a while (reflexes, I guess) for months. There was no catalyst or anything like that. I just didn’t log in one day and didn’t even think about it until a couple weeks later. For years I’ve wondered why a lot of my friends that were on the site when I joined in 2014 have somehow seemed to just disappear- but I get it now. It’s just easy to do. I think I got burned out on seeing the same things all the time. The same people saying the same things over and over in the newsfeed. The same people winning all of the contests. The same people buying community credit or buying in-site currency to give others community credit. The same people writing the same reviews on every item. The same events and activities for years. But most of all, I got sick of myself saying the same shit over and over in my blog. Not writing anything creative. No poetry. No short stories. Nothing except blog entries where I basically more or less answer blog prompts in increasingly similar ways. I’m not saying this to be a dick. I just want a fair explanation for why I’ve suddenly disappeared. I feel like so many of my friends here have disappeared over the years and they always say the same thing: I’m busy with stuff. But 90% of the time, they’re not actually “busy” per se. They’re just finding other communities to busy themselves with because they’ve gotten bored. I’m not suggesting anything. I’m not making recommendations. I’m just saying that when I joined here in 2014, there was always something new going on. The site was like a magical place to be because the community and the activities and events were amazing. The community is still amazing. I love the community here. I always will. I stand by that this is the best group of people, the most empathetic and caring, that I’ve ever run into on the internet. But I’ve watched participation dwindle more and more over the years. It’s difficult to even run new activities because participation and interest is so low. When I was trying to run an activity, the most frequently asked questions revolved around what the bare minimum level of participation was in order to get prizes. And also, “Is that really the only prize I’ll get for completing it?” Not sure if things became too CR-focused or rewards-based or what, but unless I’m massively misremembering, it wasn’t always like that. I remember joining activities when I was first here that didn’t even offer an MB or awardicon or anything like that. It was just like, hey, here’s this cool activity that all your friends are doing so you should do it too. Or like everyone who completed the activity would be tossed into a virtual dice roll for a chance at one winner getting a basic community merit badge. Nothing major. The prizes weren’t really the reason for participating in the first place. Probably out of line to say this. Who knows. But I just don’t want to be one of those, “Ah, I’m just too busy now” people when in reality, I’m not. I’m just focusing my hobbies elsewhere on things that feel more productive than WDC has felt for the past few years for me. I really miss the energy the site had when I was first here. I would love to see it revamped with that energy somehow. I do think the site in some ways gives out what you put into it, but after seeing all my friends attempt participation and getting turned off by the lack of variety and just stuff going on in general, I’ve gotta think there’s more to it than just, “You work to make it good on your own.” I know that some people leaving the site are going to do so just out of natural attrition, but this is something else, in my opinion. So anyway… Probably not the expected update, and I’m sorry for that. Also sorry to the people who have emailed me throughout the months. I haven’t actually opened any of my emails or read any newsfeed posts or anything. I just had a few people I still talk to outside of the site (~Minja~  , Cinn , and 🌑 Darleen - QoD mention that a couple people had asked if I was all good. So I thank y’all for checking in.I do miss you and I want to hear how everyone’s doing. Have you all gotten your vaccines yet? Gone on any trips or have anything planned over these next few months?  I’m really not sure if I’m going to disappear again for months or if I’m going to come back or what. I just don’t want to get into that cycle of logging in, scrolling around and feeling uninspired until I log out again. I’m aware that this entire blog post is possibly out of line. I wouldn’t be surprised if I got demoted or banned for posting it, although I think we’re operating in an environment where open dialogue is accepted and we try to work together on understanding each other. I’m completely fine if what I’ve said feels totally off-base to you. Your experience may be a lot different than mine. But it’s the reason I haven’t been here, so I just want to be open about that. It's like a dream you try to remember but it's gone Then you try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn |
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