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Just my opinions and outlook on life |
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The end of 2020 The very first entry I made for The Writer’s Cramp was my best. It tied for the win and I was happy about that but it really made no difference to me. It was a poem written after Thanksgiving about my own recovery from addiction. That was 26 years ago and it totally changed my life. I checked myself into Drug Rehabilitation when I first realized that I might have a problem with substance abuse. I had no idea what changes that one incident would make in my life. When I was discharged, I had a lot of major decisions to make and the poem spoke to how conflicted I still was. The prompt was Closely Watched Trains. It was easy to take that one and run with it. After all, trains take you places and where you go can change your life forever. My journey had just begun. Closely Watched Trains I stand alone in blinding rain, waiting on an unknown train. My future life, a choice to make. Only one I can take. Two tickets lay in my hand, don’t know where to stand. One path leads to a familiar past. Comfort once lost; now peace might last. The other takes me far away. Unknown future, a bright new day? Strangers can become friends. A new life, old wounds can mend. Last time I waited on a train, a filthy walkway, urine stains. Crying frightened, shameful tears, burdened with pain, unknown fears. The smut on me wouldn’t wash away. In pores so deep, I had to stay. If I hung in, worked the steps. A cluttered mess might bring rest. Been running too long and fast, towards a certain fatal crash. Smoke the gin, drink the powder, Alice of Wonderland in troubled water. I did hard work, washed my stains. Princess in a castle, I glow, no shame. I found answers for all asked of me, climbed the Magic Beanstalk tree. Now, I wait on my wish filled train. I pray a light shines true in dark rain. God, I have come a long, long way. I need to love myself enough to stay. By Kathie Stehr 11/27/2020 Learning to love myself enough to make necessary decisions was the key to future happiness. If you don’t love yourself enough then you cannot love other important people in your life. I left a marriage that I knew was over after twenty years. We had two children together and were happy for many years so it was devastating to even think about starting over. Our lives had changed so much over those years. Now, instead of working together, we were destroying our lives and it was affecting the kids. I also ended up leaving my job as a registered nurse because the stress of all of it: the marriage, the job and no time for my children was taking a terrible toll. I had been diagnosed with a neurological disease that was painful and hard to deal with for me and my family. The final straw was taking medication for the symptoms and making the potentially harmful mistake of mixing it with alcohol. Thankfully I only did this when I wasn't working but if I had continued, I would have made mistakes at work and could have hurt or killed someone. Working with the hospital, I tried different areas to go back to work but could not physically do it. I applied for and got on the hospital's disability benefit. This step began a whole new way to live an even better life. I helped with the national organization for dystonia, became a support group leader, I also was a motivational speaker that traveled the country to talk at our national symposiums with physicians and scientists. It was a different way of being a nurse/caretaker by taking caring of me first then other people who needed information and guidance. I loved meeting the people and the symptoms, that I was trying to cover up at work, showed others I was just like them. I could give them hope. I remarried, in time, to a man who loves me and helped me with my volunteer work. He has been by my side for surgeries and many painful procedures. Of course, I have reciprocated for him but it is hard to deal with a partner with physical disabilities. We have been together for over twenty-five years and have a large combined family who love each other. I will be 68 in 2021 and we are enjoying a more laid back retired life. All of us should constantly take an inventory of our lives. How are we living them? Are we serving ourselves or others? I believe we are put on this Earth to help others and we must be willing and honest to do that. I follow the principles of AA and NA and it hasn't let me down. It is progress not perfection, like a marriage. If you make a mistake, you own it and begin again. I hope any future entries I make are as true to my convictions as this one was. Fiction is fine and I enjoy it. All writing comes from the inner well of wisdom that says so much about its’ author. I try to end all my writing on an optimistic note. I want to grow in my writing, sometimes I touch my inner feelings more than others and this was one that did. It was a great prompt. 2020 has been a very hard year for more people than I can ever remember. There are so many people out there that are ill, have lost someone they love, can't feed their families and are falling into the darkness of addiction. I pray for all of them and do what I can. I wish for the judges and all the people that belong to Writing.com that they are at peace within themselves and bring more joy to this planet than they take from it. I know I have to make that choice every day, to spread love and remain sober. I wish you all a happy new year, may it be a much better year for all. Thanks for letting me be a part of this family. Kathie Stehr December 31, 2020 ** Image ID #2267445 Unavailable ** |
| DAY 3323 March 24, 2022 March 24, 1989: One of the worst oil spills in U.S. history begins when the supertanker Exxon Valdez, owned and operated by the Exxon Corporation, runs aground on a reef in Prince William Sound in southern Alaska. An estimated 11 million gallons of oil eventually spilled into the water. Attempts to contain the massive spill were unsuccessful, and wind and currents spread the oil more than 100 miles from its source, eventually polluting more than 700 miles of coastline. Hundreds of thousands of birds and animals were adversely affected by the environmental disaster. It was later revealed that Joseph Hazelwood, the captain of the Valdez, was drinking at the time of the accident and allowed an uncertified officer to steer the massive vessel. In March 1990, Hazelwood was convicted of misdemeanor negligence, fined $50,000, and ordered to perform 1,000 hours of community service. In July 1992, an Alaska court overturned Hazelwood’s conviction, citing a federal statute that grants freedom from prosecution to those who report an oil spill. Exxon itself was condemned by the National Transportation Safety Board and in early 1991 agreed under pressure from environmental groups to pay a penalty of $100 million and provide $1 billion over a 10-year period for the cost of the cleanup. However, later in the year, both Alaska and Exxon rejected the agreement, and in October 1991 the oil giant settled the matter by paying $25 million, less than 4 percent of the cleanup aid promised by Exxon earlier that year. Citation Information :Exxon Valdez crashes, causing one of the worst oil spills in history Author :History.com Editors Do you think oil companies are held accountable enough? Do you think they should be allowed to renege on an agreement that affects us all as Exxon did in the Valdez situation? What can we do as citizens to show our anger with their actions and lack of accountability? Big oil companies and other corporations have gotten away with bad environmental behavior for far too long for the profit of their shareholders. We only have this earth and we should be good stewards of its resources. I remember the reporting on this disaster and the pictures of dead fish and volunteers retying to clean animals with Dawn liquid soap. These beautiful creatures being suffocated by man’s negligence. If broke my heart. The leak in the Gulf of Mexico by BP was another example. |
| March 19, 2022 Music related:1960's Did/ do you enjoy R&B, Motown, Soul music, Garage Rock, the British Invasion, Country, Psychedelic rock, Folk Music, Boss Nova, or Reggae? Were your music choices influenced by peers, family or a desire to be different? The 60's brought about a lot of change that still influence us today. Even if you weren't born yet these music choices are still readily available to explore. If you're interested the link has some great background information on 60's music. I was a teenager in the 1960’s and music was at the center of my life. Top forty music was playing in the cars and most of the kids my age were familiar with 3 chord melodies and simple lyrics. That is what the AM stations went for, if a song lasted more than 3 minutes, it didn’t get air time. Artists like Bob Dylan had some hits but a lot of his music didn’t get played. As the Vietnam War became more prominent in my life and my friends were going to war, I searched out protest music. That led me to music by Pete Seeger and Phil Ochs. I learned to appreciate blues music from my Mom who was a Sarah Vaughn, Etta James and Ella Fitzgerald fan, so I loved the blues also. I never was a big follower of country music although I married a country music fan but he also liked Motown and 60’s so we agreed on a station that played mellow rock. Then I discovered college stations that played alternative music. Music has been a constant adventure for me and I love a lot of newer sounds also but the 60’s and 70’s were special. So I can say I love it all, depends on my mood. Mr. Piano man, an ocean dances in your aquamarine eyes, swimming might save me. Or I could sink into oblivion. Long fingers command keyboards. Cole Porter tunes, Lady Day blues? I’ll pretend cigarette smoke brings lonely tears to my eyes. My pain is for Sgt. Clare O’Reilly, returned from World War Two, killed in the popular "line of duty", what remains in a pine box with a flag. In the streets, confetti flies. Strangers hug and kiss. Happy for them, really I am. I just want someone to love me. Mr. Piano man, you should smile. Read my lonely sapphire eyes. I am drowning in self pity. A lonely lady with too many martinis. Time to rejoice, we are free from hellish pain of this fight. Living skeletons in camps have hope. My Clare paid the ultimate price. Have we finally learned, the horrific price of war? The death, destruction of innocent lives, in the final tally, what was it for? Mr. Piano man, don’t make me beg. I can show a guy a good time. Just watch my tongue lick red lips I tease and caress the olive. We can slip between cool covers. I will close my eyes, as we gently kiss. Taste the salt of my tears. If I call you Clare, forgive me this. By Kathie Stehr |
| March 17, 2022 History: “I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realizes an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.” ― Virginia Woolf Do you agree or disagree with Ms. Woolf? Why? I agree with Ms. Woolf. An example would be having your 1st child. Although the child has been growing inside you and you have felt it move, you really haven't any idea what effect that baby will have on your life. Even after birth and the joy and pain, it isn't something that you reflect deeply on because most people are much too busy with the current situation. It isn't until later in life that you look back and realize what a true miracle birth is and the unconditional love and bond most parents have with their children. I think this is true of adoption also. Of course this is true of a terrible tragedy also. If you lose a parent early in life, you are raped, robbed or attacked, in a fire or accident that disfigures you, each experience has a permanent effect on your life and always will. Having therapy can help and time can heal but it will always be with you and that experience affects decisions for the rest of your life. I believe your brain protects you from tragedy and pain in some ways by allowing you to absorb what you can handle at a time. As we age, we can look back and see the reasons why we take different paths in life. Even someone who has had a lot of bad experiences can eventually come to also see the joy in many moments. In her head, Leonard's voice is always calling with love. He tries to cheer, pick her spirits up calm ideas deemed too rough. She walks slowly to the shoreline watches the tide pull away. Praying for the resolve to do what she must this day. The voices are back causing pain and agony. No love, however deep can conquer this bitter gloom. She wades into the water. Heavy rocks took both hands for death wish pockets. To stay is selfish and just false hope. They will all adjust. Time will heal this open wound. She will no longer burden, there is rest in nature's tomb. She wades into her grave, the current offers no resistence. She sees sunlight through the water then precious silence By Kathie Stehr For Virginia Woolf |
| Day 3406: March 7, 2022 Prompt: Health: An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Old Home Remedy. There are some home remedies that are back by science and some that are not. Have you ever tried a home remedy? How did it work?. A apple a day has science behind it since it has both fiber and vitamin C in it. There are a lot of home remedies that I have used over the years. A tea bag, wet and warmed up will help the pain and absorb bacteria from an accessed tooth but you still need a dentist. Clove oil also helps with a tooth abscess, soaked in a cotton ball. Ginger works for nausea-the tea is great for pregnancy, Most green teas have some medicinal properties. Valerian helps you sleep. Honey does really help a cough. Grandma actually did know what she was talking about. Adding the whiskey and lemon to the honey, I think was more to help Grandma since it sedated the child also. If you go to a naturopathic physician they use a variety of natural remedies. Have a wonderful healthy day! Something else Grandma always told me was vasoline is good to soften skin and prevent wrinkles and a spoonful of olive oil a day keeps you regular. |
| March 5 It's Music time: Pick a song from the 40's, feel free to share a YouTube link. Why do you think the song you chose was popular then? Could you see yourself dancing to the song? Have fun there's a lot of great artists from that decade. I love the blues so Robert Johnson came to mind to start with and an old blues song. This particular song speaks to me because Chicago is the place my parents used to go to after WW2 for vacation from Michigan and they danced in the clubs there. They liked Big Band music also but they knew some smaller places in Chicago to go that weren’t so expensive and both blacks and whites had a great time there grooving to the blues. I guess it makes me think of all the share croppers like my dad, including those that toiled in the hot sun of the South that made the transition to the North where wages were higher for a working man. The industrial north was hiring men of all colors to work with a decent wage and the possibility of security. You had the chance to get a GI loan and buy a house, have a family, and that was considered paradise. I couldn’t find a video of Robert Johnson but did find this good one of Buddy Guy surrounded by blues lovers from the White House . Eric Clapton proclaimed him a superior blues man. I can only imagine the joy of the war ending and people flocking to places to dance and celebrate. Actually this song is older than the 1940’s and has been reworked with new lyrics but it stands the test of time. Five of Chicago's professional sports teams have played the song at their games in one form or another. On February 21, 2012, Barack Obama and Michelle Obama hosted, "In Performance at the White House: Red, White and Blues", a celebration of blues music held in the East Room of the White House. President Obama began by describing the origins of blues in the South and added "The music migrated north – from Mississippi Delta to Memphis to my hometown in Chicago" Later, encouraged by Buddy Guy and B.B. King, he joined in singing the first verse of "Sweet Home Chicago". Every time my husband and I go to Chicago, we go to a restaurant my parents used to frequent. It isn’t a very fancy place but the photos on the wall are of all the stars of the 40’s and 50’s, Sinatra, Crosby, Sammy Davis Jr, Louis Armstrong, Lena Horne, etc. They serve everything from burgers to a flambé at your table. The last time we went to Chicgo, we went out on a night time cruise on Lake Michigan, had a wonderful dinner and dancing. My husband actually danced with me to a song or two, unusual for him. The hotel we booked had a room where the balcony overlooked the lake. It was spectacular. Nice memories. I remember as a child ,after we had moved to Atlanta, we would spend a couple nights in Chicago on our way to or coming back from Michigan to visit relatives. Mom and dad would take us to museums., parks, shopping on Michigan Ave., and we’d go to the places they used to go. They would dance and act like kids themselves again. This song would always be a standard for the house band. Chicago and the song have a special place in my heart. Try listening to this and not wanting to get up and shake your bootie. |
| DAY 3402 March 3, 2022 History: What is your favorite time in history to read or write about? Why? If you could teleport there, would you? I have always heard it said, "write what you know". Now that I am about to enter my seventies, I read and write a lot about the post World War Two years. I suppose because I want to know how we ended up in the place where we are at today. My bookshelves are full of biographies of the US Presidents, analysis of the wars we have been in, the 1619 project, writings of MLK Jr and Malcolm X. I love reading about resistance movements, stories about strong women that shaped the way for women today, labor movements, the fight for civil rights and different types of religion. I also like reading about changes in the medical field over the years. Right now I am reading “Leadership” by Doris Kearns Goodwin. It is excellent. The History Channel recently showed a special from her book on Lincoln that was wonderfully done. Looking back at my own experience, the 1960’s was such a defining time. The Kennedy Administration gave us such promise with the New Frontier, both the space race with Russia and the civil rights movement, women were beginning to change their thinking about what they wanted of their own dreams. I remember my parents telling me how lucky I was to be born in the 1950’s. The big War was over and there were jobs and opportunities, new “modern” homes with great appliances. Diseases could be cured or prevented that were considered fatal at one time. I had a great childhood where there weren’t school shootings, drugs were much milder and usually found at high school level. Of course we all tried booze and cigarettes like our parents and rebelled with our long hair and short skirts, flags sown on our bell bottoms. Then our world became very ugly with the murders of our leaders and 1968 was a heart breaking year. If I could teleport I would want to be somewhere in the middle of a protest, marching in Birmingham or on the Freedom rides, working with Cesar Chevez, helping with the ERA movement or working in a lab on cancer research. I always loved the line from “Grapes of Wrath”. Of course that wasn’t the 1960’s but just like what is happening in Ukraine today. I would have wanted to be involved on the right side of history. There are always the people that have and those that don’t. That book speaks to the mass migration of populations due to climate changes, infrastructure collapse and economics, the refusal of a system to help and indeed the full demonisation of those in transit. The language in the book is beautifully simple and yet says so much about strength, sadness, suffering, perseverance and dignity. So I end this with Tom Joad speaking to his Ma- "Then I’ll be all aroun’ in the dark. I’ll be ever’where — wherever you look. Wherever they’s a fight so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. Wherever they’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, I’ll be there. If Casy knowed, why, I’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad an’ — I’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re hungry an’ they know supper’s ready. An’ when our folks eat the stuff they raise an’ live in the houses they build — why, I’ll be there." |
| Day 3401: March 2, 2022 Prompt: Political: Since March is Women's History month, write about gender equality. How important is it in relation to issues facing America? Some sample issues are the climate change, women judges, voting right, or any other local or global issues facing us today. The 117th Congress set a new record high for women’s representation in the legislature. This is truly something to celebrate. As part of the Library of Congress celebrations of Women’s History Month, the Library’s Congressional Relations Office and the John W. Kluge Center will highlight the achievements of women in Congress as a testament to progress in the American democracy, from suffrage to candidacy, to governing. In this event, women members of Congress will share their thoughts on their paths, the history they are making for future leaders, and the importance of their voices in the practice of policymaking.So from 4pm-5pm ET this can be found on the Library of Congress site. I think we've come long way from the 1950's when I was born and all you would see in government were white men. Very few women pursued the sciences or went into politics, weren't in the military, few were lawyers. If you wanted a job outside of the home, you were a secretary, a teacher or a nurse. Those were the jobs you took until you found a husband. Then you stayed home and reproduced. It is wonderful now to look at a Supreme Court that actually looks like America, representing both gender and skin color. I believe this means better decisions being made for all Americans when you have representation from a variety of people that reside in this country. I am concerned about our election integrity but that isn't really gender related. I just feel like there are too many states that have changed the process so local legislators can swing the electors to go towards a preferred candidate. I am concerned with the so called "heartbeat" bills that have been passed in states like Texas and Mississippi so women over 6 to 15 weeks of pregnancy cannot have an abortion. Certain states have been closing down planned Parenthood and other women's clinics for several years now. They have put all types of conditions in place so women have waiting periods after viewing an ultrasound that they have to look at and hear the heartbeat. Then they go home to "think" about their decision for 24-72 hours. All of these measures make women have to wait longer and makes abortion harder. I just feel like this is a personal decision between a women and her physician and no one should be interfering. Women have all types of reasons for wanting to obtain an abortion and we have made it legal already. If it is criminalized, women will find a way to do it and many will die. We have traveled this road before and as an RN, I have watched women die due to botched abortions. Twenty-one weeks is still the point of viability for a baby to live outside a uterus. That usually means the baby is intubated and is has IVs or possibly a feeding tube for formula. If the child even survives, many have multiple developmental problems and physical ones. Roe vs Wade should be left as is, there is no reason to change it. I am just happy to see my grand daughter have opportunities to do almost anything she desires in this life. You truly can have it all if you work hard but can you balance it all? That is still the question. Many women try but they usually have help. I was fortunate enough to stay home with both of my boys until they were two before I went back to work full time. If I had not worked they wouldn't have had the opportunities they had, so I am glad I did. I also felt like I was contributing to humanity working in the health field. |
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