%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
A super powerful alien has turned the earth into a toy for his child |
| [Introduction] THE ALIEN TOYMASTER A super powerful alien turns the world of Earth into a toy for his child. Click here for more information ▼ There is a movement underway among the Earthlings to overthrow this alien domination and return to their true selves. Because there is something missing in this new toy world. Sex! It no longer exists now that everything is a toy. And many people and animals want it back! Characters Rupert Rabbit ... plushie bunny, brown with white belly, walks upright, wears red shorts which have become threadbare from numerous spankings Peter Cottontail ... grey plushie bunny wears spiffy clothes like green shorts and yellow jacket Superman ... the action figure Deloris Mitosis ... plain woman who became a beautiful doll after the toy conversion Chico Boom Boom ... drummer monkey with cymbals attached to his hands Charlotte ... plump cat plushie often found preparing food Scando ... scorpion plushie who works at the zoo Tony the Tapeworm ... not good at spanking Bubbles ... beautiful female giraffe plushie with mane in dreadlocks Bandit the Racoon ... a mechanic at the zoo Dr Feral ... mad scientist action figure who wants to construct artificial anuses for plushies Mucky the Pig ... despite his name he is clean as a whistle. Why? Because he is plastic! Bessie the Cow ... a toy cow that gives real milk! No one knows why. The Alien Child ... speaks through one of the robots. Johnny the Sound Collector ... old man action figure who has a tape recorder |
Rupert the Rabbit was running. He was running from the robots. The Robots were the police force in Toy Town. They enjoyed pushing the toys around and making them do what they wanted. Rupert was pretty good at moving for a stuffed animal. He had discovered hopping was much more effective for moving then walking or running but still his cotton-filled feet were getting tired quickly "Stop Rupert Rabbit! In the name of the law!" The Robots said in their tinny voices "If I don't find a place to hide soon I'm doomed!" Rupert panted "Rupert! This way!" came a voice from around the corner. Rupert looked and saw Peter Cottontail holding open a door. He zipped in and Peter latched the door. "That was close!" Rupert said. Somewhere a guitar began playing a funky song. "Is that porn music?" Rupert asked. Now he noticed how sleepy and bloodshot Peter's eyes were. "Yeah, man," Peter drawled. "I have a few friends over for a party. Interested?" Rupert shivered. Peter must surely mean a spank party. In a world without sex, spanking was the sleazy thrill that had replaced it. It wasn't something "nice" people admitted to doing, but Rupert felt sure almost everybody had been spanked at least once in their lives. For Rupert, it was uncountable times. "Well?" Peter asked. "Are you interested?" |
Rupert felt that the fabric of his butt was thin enough as it was, his Doctor (Err... Veterinarian?) A plump doll named Caroline said if he took one more spanked then his butt would split open and he would need stitches! "Sorry." Rupert said "I can't I've been trying to kick the habit for a several weeks now! I don't want my ass to split open..." "Hey!" Said a stuffed Donkey "Who you calling an ass?!" "Sorry!" Rupert said "Anyway..." Then Rupert saw something that made him turn pale...There she was...There she was! The most beautiful toy in Toy Town! The fairest of all the toys both animal and human and she was getting spanked by a Superman action figure... |
Deloris Mitosis had actually been a rather plain woman before the toy conversion, but now she was a real doll. Unfortunately, now that she was beautiful and could have any man she wanted, there was no one who possessed any private parts, not even herself. Like many others, in her frustration she had turned to spankling for relief. And she picked the biggest hunk in Toy Town to spank her, Superman. Rupert Rabbit gazed upon the scene, for Deloris preferred her spankings to be as public as possible, and wished he could be Superman, but of course he couldn't be. He sighed and Peter heard him. "Don't worry, dude," Peter said. "There are plenty of chicks at this party that want to get spanked. Just wander around a bit. You'll bump into one." "I know," Rupert said. "But I don't want to spank a bunny." "How about a monkey?" Peter asked. Probably because at that moment Chico Boom Boom, the drummer monkey, had started up his obsessive drumming. He was one of those toy monkeys whose hands are permanently attached to two cymbals. And oh how he did love to clang them. Chico Boom Boom had scars all over his body from people throwing things at him to make him stop. "No thanks on the monkey," Rupert said, and headed toward the kitchen to check out the snacks. |
| Of all the things in the world food was the one thing that hadn't been turned to toys, no one knew why and no one knew where it came from, food just magically appeared in their cupboards and refrigerators. A Plump Cat Plushie was working the grill, her name was Charlotte. "Hey Rupert!" She said waving a plump paw "What can I get for you? A hamburger? A hot dog?" "Hell no!" Rupert exclaimed "I'm a vegetarian remember? Just give me some raw vegetables!" "You're the boss." Charlotte said tossing Rupert some carrots. "Carrots." Rupert said "You know Bugs Bunny not withstanding most bunnies don't really care for carrots, I certainly didn't my favorite food was cabbage." "Oh." Charlotte said "My favorite food was caviar..." Rupert looked at her "I was a very pampered house pet when I was alive OK?!" |
| "I guess it could be worse," said Rupert. "We could have been completely destroyed." "Say that to my owner," said Charlotte. "Someone has to move her parts every so often so she doesn't get dusty." "I know what you mean- seen plenty of deer just posed, as if they were going to nibble some grass or drink some water, but unable to to actually get any." |
The party was getting quite loud. There were several spankings going on, complete with cheering sections. There was music in the living room and entirely different music playing in the rec room. If you stood in the entranceway between the two rooms you were assaulted with noise. And some of the guests were getting rowdy. Rupert nudged Peter. "Any danger of this party getting busted by the robots? It's getting really loud." But Peter was too wasted to care. "Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! Hahaha!" Rupert's timing was too slow. Right when he made his decision to leave there came a loud knocking at the door and a metallic voice said, "Open up in the name of the law!" Charlotte motioned him toward the kitchen. "This way! I have a secret exit!" They climbed into the clothes dryer and opened a door in it's rear. Down a short tunnel, then another hidden door, and they were out in an alley behind the apartments. Rupert could see the blue lights flashing in front of the apartment building and hear the loud complaints of the partygoers as they were hustled away. "Gee, thanks, Charlotte," he said. "You saved me from a night in jail. It seems like all I ever do anymore is try to avoid the robots. They are everywhere!" Charlotte looked hard at him. "That's because the Toymaster is a scumbag." Rupert didn't say anything. That kind of talk could land you in a work prison for years. |
"Meh." Said Charlotte "I'm a cat, cats can escape anything, we've got the magic ability of invisibility and teleportation." Rupert's ears dropped he felt tired and sleepy. "I know a place you can stay." Charlotte said "Ever heard of the Zoo?" "What's a Zoo?" Rupert asked "Normally it means an animal prison." The Cat said "But here in Toy Town the zoo is a safe haven for all animal toys." "What about humans toys?" Rupert asked "They're too gossipy." Charlotte said "They'd give away the secret." |
"I suppose it might," Charlotte said. "You think I'm prejudiced against humans, don't you?" Rupert shrugged. "You have to admit you talk the way animalists talk. All humans are gossipy. No human can be trusted." "Well, you don't know my whole story. I had some bad experiences with humans. But maybe you're right and I'm a little biased against them. But I'm not the only one. Anyway the zoo is a safe place if you don't mind being around a bunch of animalists." "It's not a big deal to me," Rupert said. "How do I get there." "I'll take you. My magical abilities of invisibility and teleportation might come in handy." "Are you serious about having magical abilities?" Charlotte rolled her eyes. "What? Something else we don't agree on? I suppose you don't believe in magic? So what am I now? Some kind of kooky animalist who thinks she can do magic? You have a low opinion of me, don't you?" Rupert laughed. "Actually, I like you. You don't have to take our differences so seriously. Can't we just get along?" "I suppose so." |
| Charlotte took Rupert to a dark alley where no one would see them "Teleportation!" She said in in an instant, they looked like they were in a rain forest that was somehow underground, the ceiling was black everything was dark and spooky! "Hey how ya doing?" Asked a talkative Scorpion plushie waving a pincer at them |
| "Doing fine," said Charlotte. "Anything going on?" "Not really," said Scando the scorpion. "Relatively quiet." |
"I've got a new friend here," Charlotte said. "So I see," said Scando. "Kind of weak in the britches, ain't he?" "Can you get him a new pair of shorts?" "Sure. The spiders are always looking for something new to weave. How do you fancy silk breeches on your bottom, Sonny?" "My name is Rupert," Rupert said. "And just the thought of silk on my bare bottom makes me tremble with pleasure." Uh oh, another spankophile," Scando said, and laughed. "Don't worry, there is plenty of your type at the zoo. You'll be able to have some fun." |
| "Ooh..." Rupert whispered "My SA Sponsor isn't going to like it if I attend one more spanking party." "Chill." Charlotte said "We'll put you with some creature who isn't very good at spanking like say...Tony the Tapeworm." |
| "I wouldn't want him to tan my hide," said Scando. "Plenty of trouble there." |
As night fell across the city, Rupert and the other toys at the zoo gathered at the zoo's recreational center for the Moon Ceremony. First, there was a group howl, led by the wolf and dog toys. Then a science toy, tonight it was a Doctor Doolittle, did a quick retelling of the moon's history, how it was a planet captured by the earth's gravity and how the moon people became the first earth people. Then there was a little singing and dancing. One song was On Moonlight Bay, which went We were sailing along On Moonlight Bay We could hear the voices ringing They seemed to say: You have stolen her heart" "Now don't go away!" As we sang love's old sweet song On Moonlight Bay Then they did a canoe dance, which is easier to do than to describe. After that, a pull string toy told a joke, one of ten that he knew. Then the new people were introduced and Rupert found himself standing before the crowd trying to tell them who he was. But they seemed satisfied with his "I'm just a simple bunny from the heartland" speech. "That was a good speech," said Tony the Tapeworm. "Did you know you are in my bunkroom?" |
Rupert shuddered slightly. "Eww! Tapeworms!" he thought to himself. Just then a new toy came out from the shadows She was beautiful, quite possibly even more fair of face then Deloris Mitosis! She was a Giraffe Plushie. She wore a white African-style gown and her mane was in dreadlocks. "That's Bubbles." whispered Tony, "a newcomer from Africa... Personally I find giraffes a bit wierd. Their head is always in the clouds!" |
"I heard that!" Tony said. "Pretty funny! I like a good tapeworm joke." "You do?" Rupert said. "I wouldn't think you would hear very many." "Here's my favorite," Tony said. A man went to the doctor to get rid of his tapeworm and the dotor said you will need a dozen hard-boiled eggs, eleven chocolate chip cookies, and a hammer. Every day for eleven days I want you to shove a hard-boiled egg up your butt, wait five minutes, then shove a chocolate chip cookie up there. On the twelth day, shove the egg up as usual, but no cookie. After awhile the tapeworm will stick his head out and say, "Where is my cookie?" When he does, then you hit him in the head with the hammer and kill him. Rupert didn't know whether to laugh or not. "Go ahead! Laugh!" Tony said. "It's funny, right?" That night Rupert could not get to sleep. There was just something disturbing about sleeping in the same room with a tapeworm. The next day Rupert asked Charlotte, "Can I room with someone else? Someone who is not a tapeworm." "Poor Tony," Charlotte said. "He can never keep a roommate more than one night. I've told him to be friendly and smile and tell jokes, but I guess people just don't like him." That made Rupert feel guilty about wanting out of Tony's room, but he was determined not to spend another sleepless night with an intestinal parasite in the next bed. |
| "Can I stay with Bubbles?" Rupert asked "She seems nice and friendly, plus she's a vegetarian like me." |
| "Now that's a tall order," Charlotte chuckled. "I don't know if you'll measure up to her high standards." |
"It can't hurt to ask, can it?" Rupert said. Charlotte sighed. "But wouldn't you rather room with another bunny? A new bunny just came in today. His name is Hop Cassidy." "First ask Bubbles. She intrigues me. I wonder what she sees way up there..." |
| "Just one more thing I want to warn you about." Charlotte said "We all know about this spanking epidemic, but some toys feel it's not enough and they try to replicate sex in a more dangerous way." "Oh boy." Rupert said "I'm already afraid of where this is going." "This is especially important to Plushies like you and me." Charlotte said "Some Plushies will uses sharp objects like knives, scissors or even pencils and poke holes in their butts and use various objects for dildos, it's a dangerous game because if you lose too much stuffing you can die!" Rupert gulped nervously |
"I will!" Rupert said. "I'm not a psycho." Charlotte looked thoughtful. "It's just that... Look, I don't want to accuse Bubbles of anything, but their are rumors that she..." "Goes beyond spanking?" Rupert said. "I'll keep the warning in mind, but I would still like to room with her. She's beautiful." "You just care about looks?" "No! She and I will talk and who knows what will happen?" "But don't forget my warning," Charlotte said. "I won't! Why do you have to be such a downer? Are you going to ask Bubbles if I can room with her?" "OK, I'll ask her, but..." "I know! Don't forget your warning!" |
| Bubbles was at the bar drinking a virgin strawberry margarita (Bubbles was apparently a teetotaler) "Um...Hi." Charlotte said "Jambo Little Cat." Bubbles said in a Swahili accent "What can I do for you?" |
| "Do you want a roommate?" Charlotte asked. "There's a guy who'd like to share with you." |
"Oh really?" Bubbles said. "What kind of guy?" "He's a bunny," Charlotte said. "A bunny? Oh that is so funny!" Bubbles began laughing. She might have been a teetotaler, but she could laugh as easily as any drunk. "I suppose that should be safe enough. A bunny! I thought you were going to say a lion or a hyena." "I wouldn't even think of asking you to room with a predator." "I know, I know," Bubbles said. "Don't take offense. Tell the little bunny rabbit to move his stuff into my room." "His name is Rupert." Bubbles started laughing again. "What a funny name!" |
Charlotte told Rupert and Rupert gathered up his stuff and left a note for Tony the tapeworm: Good-bye. It's been fun. Bubbles showed him where to put his stuff. She had moved some of her things out of one drawer. Rupert noticed that Bubbles had a lot of things - clothes and beauty items and books and games and photographs and souvenirs and knick knacks, The room was crammed with stuff. |
| "I'm a collector." Bubbles said simply "I collect all the things nobody wants and give them a home." |
| "Alright," Rupert said as he began organizing his things. "It's an interesting collection." |
"Look at this," Bubbles said. "It's an African snow globe." "But it doesn't snow in Africa," Rupert said. "That's what makes it collectible." Rupert studied the little scene in the globe. It seemed to be a watering hole on the savannah with zebras and antelope around it. The detail was surprisingly good. As Rupert looked at it he felt like he was looking at a real scene. |
| "Name someone who has, since it happened," said Bubbles. "To be honest, I wish I was a regular giraffe again- at least one know which side was up then." |
"This snow globe is peculiar," Rupert said. "I can't shake the feeling I am looking at an actual scene." "I noticed that, too," Bubbles said. "Do you suppose it's some kind of window in time showing us how things used to be?" "Like a crystal ball? Maybe this is the way things are right now somewhere. Maybe some of animals of earth didn't get turned into toys." |
"Thanks," Rupert murmured. He had noticed something in the globe that didn't repeat itself. In the distance, beyond the trees, there appeared a giraffe. Rupert turned the snow globe around for a better look, but from the other side he could only see trees. When he turned it back to where he could see the giraffe again, he noticed that now a rabbit, a large rabbit, was with the giraffe. It was when he noticed that the rabbit walked upright and wore silk shorts that he dropped the snow globe. It fell into the grass. Rupert looked around. He was standing on the african plains with a giraffe by his side. He felt sure it was Bubbles, but it seemed to be a real non-talking giraffe. "Bubbles?" Rupert said. "Is that you? I know it's you." The giraffe continued to munch on the leaves of a small tree. Somewhere a lion roared. And then a lion was standing right next to him, looking at him with golden eyes. "Rupert," said the lion. "You must fix the world. The world is broken. You can fix it." "Me?" Rupert said. "I'm just a bunnty. There is nothing I can do about it." "You must gather the toys around you and defeat the Toymaster. You must return things to the way they were." "I don't know how!" Rupert said. "I don't know how!" Then Bubbles was shaking his shoulder and he was back in their room at the zoo. "Rupert," she said. "Wake up. I think you hypnotized yourself with my snow globe and had a dream." He looked at her. "Have you ever been hypnotized by it?" "Yes," she said. They exchanged a long look. Then she laughed. "It told me one day I would meet a bunny who would be destined to do great things." Rupert felt a shiver go down his back. "Me," he whispered. |
| "Besides," said Bubbles. "It sounds too much like a crazy old story- I think it was call 'The Mat Ricks' or some such thing." |
"I remember that story! They put a bug in his stomach!" "Is that all you remember?" Bubbles asked. "Uh... lots of tubes, agents in black, slow motion bullets, submarines, bathtubs, spider things, trenchcoat, armchair, telephone... telephone... a lot of telephone." "You don't retain story information very well, do you?" "Not really," Rupert said. "Hey, I'm just a bunny. What do you want from me?" Bubbles sighed. "I have a feeling that snow globe is feeding me a lot of hog wash." "Why would you want to wash a hog?" "Now I'm sure of it. You will never save the world." "I'm glad that's settled," Rupert said. "I'm sleepy." |
| That night Rupert had a dream that he was at a carnival, he went up to the concession stand, there was a weird man at the stand "I'm an Atheist." The Man said "I'll give you a free bag of peanuts if you can give me a legitimate reason to believe in God." (Authors Note: This was an actual dream I had last night, the result of not taking my meds before bedtime.") |
| Rupert looked around the man. "Because he's that old man with a long white beard standing behind you," said Rupert. "The one wearing the white T-shirt that says, 'I'm God'." The man looked behind him. "Which old man?" "The one that now has on his shirt, 'Now kiss my Fluffy White Tail'," Rupert said as he took a bag of peanuts from the man, and hopped inside. The man looked around. "I really hate that joke." |
Rupert woke up. Bubbles was already awake and dressed. She was looking at him as if expecting him to do something or say something. "What?" he said. "What is it?" "Nothing," Bubbles said. "Have you seen all of the zoo?" "No, I've hardly seen any of it." "Good! I'll be your tour guide. Today I will show you the zoo." |
| As they started walking Rupert felt most refreshed best sleep he had had in a long time! "This is Mucky." Bubbles said "The toy pig." |
"I think I figured it out," Rupert said. "And the rest of your litter is Muddy, Dirty, Filthy, Slimey, and Soiled." "Haha," said the plastic pig. "Good one. My brother's name is Mortimer. I think mom would have a fit if you told her she had a litter." "Oh," Rupert said. "Well I'm no barnyard expert." Bubbles steered him away. "You're not doing a very good job of making friends. Now be nice to the hot dog pull toy. He's very sensitive." "Great Jumping June Bugs! What is that thing!" Rupert exclaimed. The hot dog pull toy had a front half and a rear half and a long slinky spring in between. "Nobody likes me!" it sobbed. "What a monstrosity," Rupert said. Bubbles squeezed his shoulder harder. "You are so rude. Can you please be nice? This next toy has a special place here at the zoo." |
| "This is Bessie the Mystery Cow." Bubbles said "For some reason even though she is a toy cow, she is still able to produce milk, so she is a very valuable food source to all the zoo animals." |
| "Though reptiles and birds have their issues," Bessie said with a chuckle. "Nice to see you, I hope." |
"Thanks," Rupert said. "The mystery to me is who milks you. Is it a toy farmer with a toy bucket?" "Some things are best left as a mystery," Bessie said. Bubbles pointed toward where some loud roaring sounds were coming. "You will like the rubber dinosaurs. Very realistic, although not life size. This little brontosaurus is no bigger than a horse. A real one would be over ten times as big. But then he wouldn't be a toy, would he?" |
"Who said that?" Rupert asked. The voice had been small and squeaky and seemed to come from everywhere. "I think the answer is crawling on your ear lobe," Bubbles said. |
| "How'd you get there?" Rupert asked. "Easy, I took a Yellow Cab," said the crab. "Aren't all cabs yellow?" Rupert asked. "Maybe all taxis are yellow, but cabs come in different colors," said the crab. "And you're asking foolish questions anyways." |
"Is it foolish to ask why you are on my ear?" Rupert asked. "No," said the crab, "but I would be a fool to answer that question." Then it started laughing hysterically and ran down Rupert's arm. Rupert didn't really mean to do it, but he was so surprised by the little crab running down his arm that he slapped at it with his other hand as if it were a fly. There was an unpleasant squish sound. "I think it's dead," Rupert said. Bubbles frowned. "Don't worry about it. It had no business being around your ear. Crustaceans! You never know what they are going to do." |
| Bubbles led him to someone else. "This is Bandit the Raccoon." Bubbles said "Don't worry, he's not actually a Bandit...He's the Zoo's mechanic." "Hi." Bandit said shyly hiding something behind his back. "What have you got behind your back Bandit?" Bubbles asked "Oh...Just this edition of Toy Times Magazine." Bandit said "Why is there a picture of a butt on the cover?" Bubbles asked "There is is this Guy, a Mad Scientist Action Figure called Dr. Feral." Bandit said "He claims he has discovered a means plushies can experience a form of sex without losing stuffing..." Bubbles and Rupert both blinked "How?" Rupert asked "It's a very complicated surgery." Bandit said "But involves cutting into the butt, and folding over the cloth and placing some kind of little tube in the center of the butt where the anus would be, the result is the Plushie now has actual bumcheeks and a proper orifice the receive anal sex with." "That's great." Rupert said "Has he got a way to give some of us a penis?" Bandit just stared blankly |
"This is an unpleasant subject," Bubbles said. "What's the matter?" Rupert asked. "You don't like sex?" "No, I don't like penises." "Oh. I guess you were happy then when we all got turned into toys and lost our private parts?" "It didn't make me sad. I guess that's why I am so happy now and laugh all the time." Rupert frowned. "Some of us don't think it's so funny we got our whangs chopped off." "Ouch!" Bubbles said. "But it wasn't like that. You just woke up without them." "Yeah. I remember that day. For a long time I thought I was dreaming and couldn't wake up. Then it finally sunk in. Dude, everybody is a toy now!" Bandit said, "Maybe one day Dr Feral will give us all a penis." |
| "Give the guys a penis." Bubbles said "What will the women get?" "I'm sure he's thinking about that as we speak." Bandit said |
"Funny that he would start with making an anus," Rupert said. Bandit shrugged. "Yeah, well, Dr Feral is funny that way. And besides, maybe that's the easiest thing to make - no moving parts." "Veejays have moving parts?" Rupert asked. "Don't ask," Bubbles said. "You never went horseback riding." "But you're a giraffe," Rupert said. "When did you ever go horseback riding?" "I'm a giraffe NOW!" Bubbles said, "a plushie giraffe, but before the Toy Conversion I was an African queen, and I had a horse named Melba that I rode. So I know about horseback riding and skin chafing." "Also," Bandit said. "Dr Feral is not a real doctor. He just learned some things on the internet. I guess that's why everyone calls him a Mad Scientist. Plus the fact he is an action figure means he is very bad at surgery. Because his fingers don't move, just his whole hand. Awkward." |
| "Brrr." Rupert shivered "Maybe I'll forget about getting that surgery for myself." "I don't think Bubbles would be interested in meeting him either." Bandit said "Not many humans turn into Animal Toys." |
| "Then again, there'd be thing to work out," said Rupert. "Like how things work." |
"Anyway," Bandit said. "It's not likely you will meet Dr Feral. He sleeps all day and works all night. He is very secretive because he is afraid someone will steal his discoveries." "I don't want to meet him," Rupert said. "Bubbles, what's that over there with the high fence and the warning sign?" "That is something that occasionally happens, a bezerk toy. In this case, it's a cowboy plushie. Calls himself Woody and claims he is the star of a great movie series called Toy Story. Since he was already a living toy when the Toy Conversion happened, it must have affected his mind to be converted even further into toyhood. "But why does he have to be behind a fence?" |
| "Wow," Rupert said. "I guess it takes all kinds." "He's not the only toy who has to be kept under lock and key," Bubbles said. "For instance, there is Dilbert the Dildo Duck. He thinks he's a sex toy. Caused a lot of problems before he was put away." "Put away?" Rupert asked. "You mean killed?" "No!" Bubbles laughed. "We don't kill toys! That would be cruel. Some of the sex toys have their own special place which just happens to have a fence, a moat, and some armed guards." "Why isn't Woody there?" Bubbles said, "Because Woody will ride anything and he even annoys the other perverted toys. But enough about sex toys. They are such a small percentage of the toy population. How would you like to see the wooden snakes?" "Uh.... I guess I would," Rupert said. "You are the tour guide." |
| "I've been wondering..."Rupert said "We eat and drink a lot...Yet we never need to use the bathroom, so I'm just wondering where the heck does it all go?" Bandit and Bubbles had to stop and think about that. |
"And another thing. Nobody seems to work. Even the people who have jobs don't seem to work. Like you, Bandit. You're a mechanic at the zoo, right?" "That's right!" Bandit said. "I love my job!" "What are you working on now?" "Now?" Bandit said. "Yes, now. Today. This week, This month. This YEAR! Have you actually done any real work at all?" "Hmmmm," Bandit said. "You are making me feel bad." |
| Bubbles shook her head "The Alien Toymaster turned everything Topsy turvey." Bubbles said "And just FYI Bandit only works when someone has a job for him when a mechanical toy is broken and needs fixing he repairs them." |
"The plan?" Bubbles said. "There is no plan." "Why not?" Rupert asked. "Why are we so accepting of this disaster that has fallen on us? Why aren't we fighting back?" "Gosh," Bandit said. "I wouldn't know where to begin." "We have to find the Toymaster and make him change us back to the way we were." "But nobody knows where the Toymaster is." Rupert scratched his chin. "They say the Toymaster watches our every move, that he know everything we say." "I don't believe that," Bubbles said. "How could he watch millions of toys at once?" |
| "Maybe he's like one of those H.P Lovecraft Aliens." That was Bessie the Cow who spoke she had just been milked that morning and felt most refreshed "They say we cows are the zen masters of the animal kingdom." Bessie said chewing her cud |
| "If you're a master of Zen, perhaps you could ask it for a weakness." "It doesn't work that way." |
Rupert slammed his fist into his palm. "I refuse to accept defeat! There must be a way!" Bubbles stared at him. "What's got into you today?" "I don't know," Rupert said. "Maybe I ate some horseradish." "Oooo," Bessie said. "Horseradish! It makes my milk taste awful if I eat it." |
| Bessie stopped to think she put her hoof on her chin "Maybe we should cow to the Library of Congress." Bessie said "What good will that do?" Rupert asked "Maybe we'll find the information we need to stop the Alien." |
| "Since when have they helped anyone else out- unless there was something in it for them? |
"I'm just trying to make positive suggestions," Bessie said, slinking back into the background. "The cow is right," Rupert said. "And since I can see none of you will do it, I am going to the library and find out all I can about the Toymaster. Where is the library?" Bubbles and Bandit had blank looks on their faces. "I don't know," said Bubbles. "I guess we need a map of the city." Fortunately, the zoo had a gift shop and there Rupert discoverd a display of maps. He memorized the location of the library and turned to his friends. "It's not very far away. Are you coming with me?" |
| Bandit looked around to see if anyone else was willing to go. "I think I will." Bandit said "You might need someone with nimble fingers." "I'll come." Said Bessie "I can bring a cooler full of food!" "I just want a chance to stretch my legs." Mucky the Pig said "So I'll come just for that." "Bubbles." Rupert said "You coming?" Bubbles looked unsure |
It was not a very big library, but the librarian was very helpful. "Information about the Toymaster? Sure. That would be under Alien Overlords, Supernatural Tyrants, and Transdimensional Fiends. I'll pull a few books for you." Rupert and Mucky and Bessie and Bubbles sat down at a table, each with a book to read. After a quick glance at her book, Bubbles spent the time looking out the window. "Don't you want to help?" Bessie asked. "I don't read very well," Bubbles said. "I read so slowly that it bores me." After an hour of searching Rupert said, "I can't find any details about where the Toymaster actually is." "Me neither," Mucky said. "But I was thinking. Suppose the size of his world is vastly different from ours. Suppose the earth is like a globe in his world, something the size of a basketball?" "Then he would need a microscope to see us," Rupert said. "That doesn't sound like much fun for him." "He might have some high tech suit he can put on that allows him to enter our world and play with it." "You mean, we might actually see him walking around... like he was a robot?" "The robots!" Bessie said. "Maybe they are all alien kids! You have to admit the robots are always shoving toys around and making them do this and that. Isn't that like a kid playing with a toy?" "But there must be hundreds of robots. Maybe more. We couldn't fight them." "And you don't know if your theory is right," Bubbles said. "Robots might be robots and have nothing to do with alien kids." "They have SOMETHING to do with aliens because the earth was not full of robots before the Conversion." |
| Bubbles looked at the window and sighed "Suppose we do free the world." She said "Suppose we do all become flesh and blood...What will become of you animals after that? I mean I know what will happen to me because I was a former human, but...When you all transform back into normal animals will you be able to talk? Will you be sapient?" |
| "Some things are worth it," said a wolf who was sitting at the table next to them, with a cup of tea next to him. "I'd sooner go back to starving as a flesh and blood animal than sitting here sipping tea." "And hunting rabbits?" asked Rupert. The wolf chuckled. "I don't bother with Thumper- I prefer Bambi- and I'm sure that Bambi would rather be chased by a big bad wolf instead of standing around as a plastic statue for some alien's child." "What do you mean?" Bubbles asked. "Let's just say that I was taken by the Toymaster just before the Conversion- and I got a real good look at him," the wolf said. "Don't ask me how he got me, because our world is the size of a marble compared to him, and there were other marbles in the marble jar besides our blue and brown-green and white world. I also saw other beings- all too incredible to describe in mere words. Then I saw him- colossal beyond colossal. He was gray skinned with really big black eyes. Then he called for someone, and another half the size of him- the kid, came into the room with another about the same size as the first. The first one said something and the kid just made this loud noise, and rushed up to those of us who'd been gathered. Let's just say that things haven't been the same since." "Are you saying that we're some kid's birthday present?" Bubbles asked. "Us and beings from at least thirty worlds that I could count in the Marble Jar," said the wolf. "Might be wrong- it could have been several hundred worlds, all for that child's entertainment." |
"Wow," Rupert said. "It sounds like we are in a hopeless situation. And yet... Whatever is done can be undone, right?" "Not necessarily," Bessie said. "If you drop an egg on the floor and it breaks, you can't put it back together." "Or could you?" Rupert said. "If you had enough time and a powerful glue and... Yeah, it would be difficult. But you are talking about something being destroyed. We were not destroyed. We were converted. And I will bet there is a way to convert us back." "We have to make contact with the kid," Bubbles said. "We've got to convince him to convert us back." "OK, here's my idea," Rupert said. "The best theory we have is that the robots are the way the kids play with us. So we have to talk to the robots. When they show up we'll beg them to convert us back." "But why would he do that? Why would he lose his toys?" "I don't know," Rupert said. "What if we dare him to do it? What if we bet that he can't do it? Maybe we can trick him into doing it." "I don't give your plan much chance," said the wolf, "but it's better than doing nothing. Let's go find some robots." |
| There were some robots at a local bar,drinking...Oil of all things and starting to act very drunk |
| "Hey barkeep," said one. "What you put in this? It has a stronger kick than normal." "Just your WD500," said the doll who ran the place. |
"This is our chance," Rupert said, motioning for his friends to keep poker faces. Rupert approached the robot who seemed most drunk, a green and yellow model with red flashing lights for eyes. "Excuse me, sir," Rupert said. "I know who you are." "Wha-what?" the robot said. "Who am I?" "You are the son of the Toymaster, or one of his friends." The robot studied Rupert for a moment. "What makes you think that?" "Because it's the only thing that makes sense and because you just gave yourself away by knowing what I was talking about." "Damn!" the robot said. "Daddy told me you toy things might be smarter than I expected. So you know. It changes nothing. You are still my toys." "I guess only your father knows how to convert worlds into toys and back again." "Don't be silly. I learned how to do that in kindergarten. Conversion is easy. It's Total Obliteration that takes some effort, but not a lot, just more." "Why do you do it?" Rupert asked. "Why do you guys take perfectly happy worlds and turn them into toys?" "Why do you think? To play with! I thought you were a smart toy but you don't even know what toys are for." Rupert felt himself getting angry at this robot who ruled the world, but he didn't think attacking it would solve the problem. Somehow he had to convince it to reverse the Toy Conversion and make the earth a real planet again. |
| "Are you a little young to be drinking?" Rupert asked "What would your old man think if he knew you were drinking oil through a robot? |
| "This is nothing compared to what he drinks," said the robot. "That stuff would destroy worlds if it got spilled on them. Course, Daddy keeps it locked in a special cabinet and says I'm not old enough to have it. I'm a billion years old, and he says that I'm too young to have it." "And how old is your father?" Rupert asked. "At least nine billion," the robot said. "He's created millions of worlds in that time, many with life on them, and only in the last few years has he allowed me to watch over a few hundred of them." |
Rupert felt that his own childhood had been really small compared to this alien's. And he could see how the alien would really think of him as a toy. "Tell me this," Rupert said. "Do you ever convert your toy worlds back into real worlds?" "Not unless I run out of room in my toy box." Rupert sighed. "I wish you would turn my world real again." "Do you?" the alien child said. "Then you would have to go to work and find food and do all the messy animal things that living beings do." "I don't care!" Rupoert said. "I would love doing those things!" |
| The Robot blinked a few times as if thinking "You Earth Animals are weird." The Alien Child said "Eating organic things...Reproducing naturally we've given up on all things natural...We get nourishment from absorbing radiation through are skin, and our babies come from bottles." "That explains why your Dad feels OK telling someone so young about the birds and the bees."Bessie said |
| "I might be young by the standards of my race, but I am a billion of your years old," the Child said. "I've watched you insects since life first appeared on your planet- I really liked the Dinosaur Age, though what humans did in the last couple of centuries was interesting." "Then why not make us organic so that we can do more interesting things?" Rupert asked. "Not for a few centuries," said the Child. "Daddy did this for your safety." "What are you talking about?" Bubbles asked. "Daddy child-proofed your world, and others, so that I wouldn't accidentally destroy them during my Caretaker training," said the Child. "You can't be turned back until I've passed it." |
Rupert thought about that. "You mean we were turned into toys to prevent our destruction? To save our lives? Hmmm, that does put a different spin on it. Say... can I die? Do toys die?" "No," said the alien child, "toys don't die. You will live here as long as it takes until my father is sure you will be safe again. And then you will go back to what you were before. And there you will grow old and die in the normal way." Rupert thought some more. Suddenly being a toy didn't seem like such a bad deal after all. In the long run, maybe it was the best thing that ever happened to Earth. When he explained that to Bubbles, she said, "You don't have to convince me. I already preferred being a toy. Remember?" |
| Rupert still felt strange about not having to have sex though...I mean what is a bunny if he can't have sex? |
| "Still, what about certain other things?" Rupert asked. "Like reproduction." The child scratched it's robot head. "I think that's one of those things I have to work on- making sure that life continues even when organisms die. I could start on that part of my training tomorrow" the child said. "You'd have to stick to your own species with that though- that way when you're made organic again, you won't have something that shouldn't exist, like a cat-dog thing." |
"On the other hand," the alien child said, it's robot eyes flashing red, "why do you need to reproduce if you aren't going to die? You will not grow any older here either." Rupert thought some more. "You are right. You are really making this place sound like paradise. But I miss the pitter patter of little feet and the sounds of children laughing." "I might be able to get you some recordings," the alien said. "You know what I mean! It's more than just the sounds. Children make the world a happier place." "Aren't you forgetting about the toy children? All the baby dolls and what nots?" "Oh yeah, right," Rupert said. "I did forget about them. Kewpie Dolls and Raggedy Ann. There are probably hundreds of toy chilfren here if I bothered to look. To tell you the truth, I was just ranting. I don't like children all that much anyway. They always want something." "You are hard to please," said the alien child. "I guess you have a bunny mind." "Huh? What's that supposed to mean?" "You figure it out," said the robot. |
| "Rupert..." Bessie said gently "You didn't have a very happy childhood it seems..." "How'd you know?" Rupert said as his ears flopped down "I'm a half breed...I'm half wild rabbit, half domestic rabbit...My Mom was a Belgian Hare..." "I thoughts Hares couldn't interbreed with rabbits..." Mucky started to say "I Belgian Hare is a breed of Domestic Rabbit bred to look like a Hare!" Rupert snapped "Anyway, Mom was tame, Dad was wild, it was a classic Romeo and Juliet story, only difference was, Mom and Dad lived, only to be shunned by wild bunnies and tame bunnies alike." |
| "Could be worse," said Bessie. "Least you're not a lion-tiger cross, who happens to be in love with a jaguar-puma cross, like the couple in the place near me are." |
"Oops!" said the robot. "Daddy is calling me. Seems I did a mite too much talking. You toys remember: Be glad you're a toy and not the vapor of a vaporized planet. See ya later!" And with a final wave the robot whirred away. Rupert watched him go, then spoke to his friends: "I've changed my mind. It's not so bad being a toy if one day we are going to be changed back. Maybe we should look on this as some kind of a vacation. It's really a sweet deal if you think about it." "I told you so!" Bubbles said. "I'm cleaner than I ever was," Mucky said. Bessie rang her cowbell. "It seems OK to me. I'm contented either way." "I miss sex!" Bandit said. "But I guess I can wait for it if I have to." "What we need now is a little spank party!" Rupertr said. Bessie groaned. "Do we have to? Cows just don't spank." "Count me in!" Mucky said. Bubbles said, "Well count me out. Spanking is not for me." "I'm undecided!" Bandit said. And so the sun set slowly over another day at Toy Town, where a gang of earthly toys kept on keeping on, doing what they had to do to survive, dreaming of the distant day when their rightful place in nature would be restored. THE END That ends the story about the Toymaster's relationship to the toys, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't enjoy writing more about the toys' adventures now that they know they will not be overthrowing the Toymaster. For example, they could discover some threat to toys that they have to deal with. Let me know if you want to continue with this campfire or start a new one or just be done with the idea for awhile. |
Rupert And Bubbles - A Friendship Adventure For reasons unknown, Rupert and Bubbles had became quite good friends. They were not much alike. He loved spanking, she hated it. He was a rabbit, she was a giraffe. Before the Great Toy Conversion, he had been an animal, she had been a human. Nevertheless, they became great friends and saw each other every day. One day Rupert said, "It's getting kind of boring here in ToyTown where we see the same toys day after day. What do you think of taking a trip out into the wilds and see what we can see?" "An adventure?" Bubble said. "Sure! I'm all for it! I'm from Africa, remember? Adventure is my middle name." So they made a big stack of sandwiches, cheese and mayo, peanut butter and jelly, salami and mustard, whatever they could think of. And they put them in a backpack along with a dozen bottles of water and a few other supplies. Then they set out for the wild. On the outskirts of Toy Town a robot stopped them. "Where do you two think you are going?" "On an adventure!" " I must warn you that it is not safe for toys outside of Toy Town. There are dangers." "We don't care! That's what makes it an adventure!" "And that's what makes you fools," said the robot. "Go then. I have memorized your appearance so that when your rotting bodies are discovered you can be identified." "But the Toymaster said we could not die," Rupert protested. "You can't die because you are a toy, but you can be run over, pulled apart, chewed to pieces, burned, melted, crushed, pulverized... need I go on?" "No," Rupert said. "I get the picture." He looked at Bubbles. "Well?" "I'm still up for it!" Bubbles said. "Danger is my middle name!" "I thought adventure was." "I have two middle names!" |
| "Just one question..." Rupert said before they headed off "Why did we make Salami sandwiches? Aren't we both vegetarians?" "They're not for us Silly!" Bubbles said "They're for any lions, leopards or hyenas we come across!" "Oh!" Rupert said "I see what you mean." |
| "Um, would they attack us though?" Rupert asked. Bubbles shrugged her shoulders. "Depends on the lion, or jackal." |
"Anyway, we only made one salami sandwich. No need to flip out over it. You made a dozen carrot sandwiches." "I know!" Rupert said. "It makes me happy just thinking about them. Is it time to eat yet?" "I shouldn't think so," Bubbles said. "We should not eat much until we find more food." It was a fine day with sunshine and a blue sky. The road was paved and easy to walk. There didn't seem to be anyone else on it. "I wonder why we are the only ones on the road?" Rupert asked. "I suppose there is no longer a need for people to go anywhere," Bubbles said. "There aren't any farms or factories or coal mines or oil fields. Everything already is what it's going to be and doesn't wear out." "Maybe we will meet some adventurers like ourselves." But evening came and they had met no one. They stopped beside a big tree with lots of soft grass under it. "We can rest here," Rupert said. "Listen!" The grass was filled with the sounds of toy grasshoppers. Rupert grabbed one. It was finely crafted of tin parts and brightly colored. "What a beauty!" Rupert said. "Thank you! You too!" came a tiny voice from the grasshopper and Rupert marveled at the Toymaster's skill. He and Bubbles caught a dozen of the toy insects and placed them together and made them sing folk songs. "That's better," Rupert said. "It doesn't seem so lonely out here now." |
| Suddenly there was the sound of Monkey singing... "I know that voice..." Rupert said "It's Chico Boom Boom! But...What's he doing in Africa? I thought he was a South American monkey." |
They crawled through the grass, hoping to surprise Chico, but what they surprised was an old man with a tape recorder. He turned it off. "Heard your friend singing, didn't you?" "Who are you?" Rupert asked. "I am Johnny the Sound Collector," said the old man. "I travel the world collecting sounds." "But how did you know Chico was a friend of ours?" "Oh, I had my eyes, or maybe I should say ears, on your gang back in Toy Town. Listen..." He wound the tape back to another section and hit play. Rupert's voice came out of the machine... ...I'm a half breed...I'm half wild rabbit, half domestic rabbit...My Mom was a Belgian Hare... "Remember saying that?" asked Johnny. "I think so," rupert said. "What are you going to do with these recordings?" "What do you think? When we go back to being a real planet I will sell my sound collections and call them "When We Were Toys, Volumes 1 to 20". I'm going to be rich!" |
| "Oh I have sounds of water," the odd man said. "River, seas, lakes- name it I have it." |
"You can't drink sounds," Bubbles said. "No you can't" old Johnny agreed. Rupert was pissed that he didn't get to see Chico. It had been a long time. When they got to the watering hole, Rupert was pleased to see the old man had been unable to keep with them and had fallen far behind. But he probably had good tracking abilities. |
| Rupert and Bubbles drank the cool, clear water, after quenching their first they noticed a bunch of wild animal toys |
| One of them was a lion, and it was staring right at them. "I hope he's friendly," Rupert said. |
"I don't like lions," Bubble said. "It's times like these when I regret being a prey animal," Rupert said. "I don't know whether to run or freeze and hope he can't see me." "Don't run!" Bubbles said. "That will be his cue to chase you. Right now he isn't completely sure about us. He probably never saw a giraffe accompanied by a rabbit wearing pants before." |
| "Hey relax." The Lion said "I'm friendly." Rupert and Bubbles breathed a sigh of relief. "My name is Leopold." The Lion said "And because the County Fair is just around the corner, I've been straining to find a recipe that will beat, Mr. Elephant's Bubblegum Pie." |
"Are there rides?" Rupert asked. "No," said Leopold. "It's a food fair. You like to eat, don't you?" "I guess so. That doesn't mean I want to spend all day looking at food." "Oh, come on!" Bubbles said. "It will be fun. Maybe they have some new foods to try. Let's go take a look at it." |
| Leopold looked around "I don't suppose you have any ideas on what would beat Mr. Elephant's Bubblegum Pie would you?" |
| "How about Tapioca Pudding?" Rupert suggested. "Hmm, might do the trick," said Leopold. "The judges tend to be of the older generation anyways, and wouldn't like something sticking to their faces." |
Bubbles snapped her fingers. "Toasted marshmallows!" "What?" Leopold said. "You mean, like the old marshmallow on a stick and hold it over the campfire trick?" "Sure! It's even sweeter than Bubblegum Pie and it would be totally unexpected." "I don't know. It sounds too simple. It's not exactly a recipe." "It's not easy to get them toasted just right to a golden tan without burning them!" |
| "OK." Rupert said "This isn't working...We need a way to settle this." Rupert took out a hat "In this hat." He said "Are the names of two dozen dishes, whatever dish we pull out of the hat will be the one we choose." Rupert tossed the hat around the shake up the little notes inside "OK." Rupert said "This will be completely impartial..." He turned his head away while reaching his furry paw deep into the hat. "And the winning dish is..." He pulled out the note |
"Camel Apples!" Leopold said. "What the heck is that?" "Not Camel Apples," Rupert explained. "Caramel Apples." |
| "How about Caramel Bananas instead?" Rupert suggested. "Or is that too much of an ape thing?" |
"An ape thing is okay," Leopold said. "One of the judges is an ape." "Oh yeah," Rupert said. "Tell us who the judges are. Then we can make a better guess as to what might win." |
| "One of them is the above mentioned ape." Leopold said "One of them is Lizard and another is An Ostrich." |
| "We could have the caramel topped with flies and birdseed," Rupert suggested. |
"Sounds delicious," Bubbles said. "but I happen to know there is a food that all three of those eat." "Well, what is it?" "Mice! Only if it's a big lizard, of course. But an ostrich will eat a mouse and while most apes prefer vegetables, they will eat a mouse if they have to." "Which is why you have to put caramel on it," Rupert said. |
"But how do you cook a mouse?" Leopold asked. "I can't find a recipe in any of my cookbooks." "That's odd that you don't know how to cook a mouse since you are a cat." "A BIG cat!" Leopold said. "My God, do you think I eat MICE?!" "Hey! No need to blow a gasket. I'm not criticising you. As far as I am concerned people can eat what they want... as long as it's not rabbit." "I LOVE rabbit," Leopold said, and a little drop of saliva fell from his lips. "But you are too civilized to eat one... right?" Rupert said, nervously backing away. "Uh... right. Too civilized." Bubbles nudged Rupert in the side and whispered, "We are in the wilds of Africa, you know." There was a tense moment and Rupert yelled, "RUN!" He and Bubbles took off at maximum speed. "Hey! Wait!" Leopold said. "Aren't you going to help me with the mouse recipe?" |
| Leopold blinked. "Certainly strange- they try to help me, and then they run away. Oh well, I guess I could make a new dish- Let's see, mouse stuffed with banana, dunk it in caramel, and cover it with birdseed. That ought to do it." |
Rupert and Bubbles were resting at a watering hole. "Do you think that lion was really dangerous?" Rupert asked. "I don't know. But I know giraffes and rabbits don't eat lions and lions do eat giraffes and rabbits, so..." "Yeah. Better safe than sorry. But I kind of wanted to see the food fair." A nearby hippopotamus heard them talking. "Did you say food fair? We have something even better. It's an eating contest. First prize is a straw hat." "I could use a hat," Rupert said. "This sun is ferocious." |
| They walked over to the Eating Contest there were some delicious smells. "I hope there's a cabbage eating contest!" Rupert said |
| "There ought to be something for you," said the hippo. "They tend to have something for everyone- better turnout that way." |
"This is bigger than I expected," Rupert said. Tables had been set up on the grass. Hundreds of animals had gathered around, including a few natural enemies of each other, but most of the crowd were hooved animals - antelope, zebra, giraffes, and so forth. "Looks like some of your cousins are here," Rupert said, pointing at the giraffes. "Not my cousins," Bubbles said. "Are you forgetting I was human before the Conversion?" "Well, maybe they were too." "I doubt that," Bubbles said. "Hey, we might have a chance to win this contest. I know how to eat." "So do I!" |
| "Yeah but can you eat the human made stuff?" Bubbles asked "The kind with artificial colors and flavors." |
"I don't see any human made food," Rupert said. "You're right," Bubbles agreed. "The selection seems heavy on grass, seeds, and grains." "I can eat those, but not so much as to win a prize I don't think. |
"Come with me!" she said. "Oh for heavens sake!" Rupert said. " But I might as well. I couldn't beat these four-stomached ungulates at their grass-eating games." "Do they really have four stomachs?" "I don't know. Oh jeez! Look at all the hot dogs and boiled eggs in the human toy eating contest." |
| But then Rupert say a familiar face hidden behind a false nose a mustache " Chico Boom Boom!" Rupert cried "So you ARE here in Africa!" Chico Boom Boom looked angry "You shall never speak of this meeting!" He said and ran off |
"He can't run away from us!" Rupert said. "Come on!" He and Bubbles ran after the escaping monkey, yelling, "Chico! Wait! Don't run away!" |
Finally Chico stopped, breathing hard. Rupert and Bubbles caught up with him. "Why did you run away, Chico?" Rupert said. Through clenched teeth Chico whispered, "Don't call me Chico!" |
| Chico tried playing his cymbals to get to get the pursuers off his tail, but Rupert and Bubbles just flattened their ears "I need absolute secrecy!" Chico said "I'm on a mission!" |
| "Is this an actual mission, or just one that's going on in your head- like the recipe to the perfect pie?" |
Chico was frantic. "Dammit, you guys! I love you like I love banana pie, but the security of the world is at stake here! Don't make me have to tell you I am a secret agent! Dammit! You made me tell you." "Uh... sorry," Rupert said. "Are you sure you're a secret agent? I hear there are some powerful hallucinogenic mushrooms out here in the wilderness." "I'm not eating mushrooms! I'm on a mission to save the toys and you two are acting like the worst kind of mission-destroying stumblebums that the Toysavers ever encountered." "Toysavers?" "Yeah, that's what we call ourselves. Want to join?" Rupert put his arm around Chico's shoulder. "Chico, old friend. You are a nervous wreck. Come to the eating contest with us, just to watch, not to eat, and we'll have a nice hot cup of herbal tea. It will calm you down, old buddy." |
| "I'm serious," Chico said. "I have this nifty little badge- see." He then pulled out a yellow object. "Um, that's a banana," said Rupert. "That's what they want you to think!" "Come on- I'm sure there's some banana smoothies around here." Meanwhile two shadowy figures were watching. "Do you think they'll cause problems?" the one asked. "He's just blown our cover by revealing himself to be an agent." "Doubt it," said the other. "It's obvious that his friends think that he's a little bananas. Follow him carefully- his friends might prove useful for helping us. Don't reveal yourself unless necessary." "What about you?" the first asked. "I'll keep looking for the target." |
The two shadows separated, one to follow Chico and Rupert and Bubbles, one to tiptoe cautiously through the African veldt. Rupert found an empty table. "Three banana smoothies," he told the waiter. "Everybody is a monkey today," the waiter grumbled as he left. "What's wrong with him?" Bubbles said. A flamingo at the next table said, "Everybody is ordering banana smoothies. You mean you don't know about it and you still ordered them? That's rich! I am having such a good time!" The flamingo's friends pulled him back down in his chair. "Don't mind him. Bananas make flamingos drunk." "I didn't know that," Bubbles said. "That's why they call Africa the Mysterious Continent of a Thousand Unknown Things." "I never called it that." "Somebody did." |
| There was something in the bush, something horrible and disguising It was a Cthulhu Plushie! No one knew where he had come from all they knew was he was big and mean and ugly |
| "Anyone know here a fella can get a strawberry shortcake at?" he asked as he walked out into the open. |
There were gasps and murmurs of surprise. One of the white-clad serving boys stepped boldly foward and said, "We don't serve HP Lovecraftian horrors here." The Cthullu Plushie sucked the stuffing out of the serving boy with a sound like a straw in a milkshake. The Cthulhu was slightly bigger after ingesting the serving boy's guts. "I said does anyone have a strawberry shortcake?" There was flurry of activity and three half-eaten strawberry shortcakes appeared at the Cthulhu's feet. |
"Holy Smokes!" Rupert said. "I know!" said Bubbles. "I guess Africa really is the Mysterious Continent!" "I wouldn't want to find one of those in my bath tub." "I wouldn't want to find ANYthing in my bath tub. Except hot water, of course. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Rupert nodded. "That it's been a long time since we had a bath? Yeah. I was just thinking Africa smells pretty ripe and we fit right in." Bubble grabbed the sleeve of a passing serving boy. "Is there anywhere we can get a hot bath?" The serving boy shook himself loose. "Missy, a serving boy get his guts sucked out and you only can think of bath? Me no time for you!" "Sheez!" Bubbles said. "Touchy crew here." |
| "Dude!" Said a Plushie pig "You guys sure you want to take a bath?You guys are aware you're plushies right?" "Yeah..." Bubbles said "Well...Won't water make your cloth bodies all soggy?" |
"You mean... like a deluxe dry cleaning service?" "Yes! Something like that!" "Noooo! This is African wilderness. Go to town for that! Hahahaha!" "I guess we'll have to stay ripe," Rupert said. Bubbles sighed. "Funny that you call it ripe. Wouldn't rotten be a better word?" "The Cthulhu is coming back!" someone yelled. Rupert looked around. "Now what?" |
"But I LOVE doing that!" the dragon said. "This isn't the time to indulge your fantasies of destruction. Get that Cthulhu, Barney!" "Don't call me Barney! My name is Belthagore the Magnificent." "Sorry." |
"Too bad," Belthagore said. "You're a despicable horror that is hated by every living thing." "You think I don't know that!" Cthulhu said. "Put yourself in my shoes. How would you like to live out your life under those conditions?" "I wouldn't. But you are you and I am me. That's just the way it is. Now I am asking you nicely to leave. Otherwise, you'll get your posterior roasted." |
| The Dragon breathed fire on Cthulhu again "This reminds me of the time I went to Death Valley in the summertime." The Lovecraft monster said |
| "I'm wondering where those two came from," Rupert said as he and Bubbles watched the fight. "I get the humans and the animals, and some of the humans turning into animals, but how did dragons and squid-faces come around?" |
"Do you want to go back to the city and ask a robot?" Bubbles said. "No," Rupert sighed. "Let's just call it a mystery for awhile." "Or we could ask the dragon where he came from." "Amazing how you can think of simple answers to difficult problems." |
"Good-bye!" said the dragon. "And for what it's worth, you're a worthy opponent. It was a pleasure doing stomp down on you." "It's worth crap," Cthulhu said. "And if you ever dream, then prepare to have nightmares, for that is where my true power lies, the ability to invade dreams and scare the holy shit out of you." "Idle threats, bogeyman," said the dragon. "I'll dream of marshmallows and rainbows like I always do." By then the Cthulhu was so far away that they could not exchange barbs with each other even by yelling. "Excuse me," Rupert said. "That was a fine display of dragoness you put on. Might I ask how you come to be here on the plains of Africa?" |
| (By the way Steve it is your turn on the new campfire) "I fly!" Said the Dragon "Dragons can fly anywhere since we're the jet engines of the animal kingdom!" "Hey look!" Bubbles said "There's a spanking contest over there!" Rupert's ears went straight up "Did you say spanking?" He looked like an alcoholic who heard the mention of beer |
"Spanking?" the dragon said. "I am banned from those, I'm afraid. I have a tendency to overdo it. Flame broiled butt." "Well I am not banned," Rupert said. "Let's check it out!" |
"You think pigs don't spank good?" Rupert asked. "Pigs are great spankers! I don't know why, but they really put their hearts into it. Maybe it's because of those fat hams they have." "I just don't get it," Bubbles said. "Why would anybody want to get their butt spanked?" "Don't knock it if you haven't tried it. Hey, Piggy! Yeah, you with the ping pong paddle..." |
(OK. It was fun while it lasted. Thank you Twiga and BBWolf for your usual spectacular campfire performance.  )Bubbles became aware of a commotion moving toward them from the distance. It was a stampede! Led by a chicken! She was yelling something: "The end is coming! The end is coming!" Then hundreds of animals hurtled past her. A few of the ones at the back of the stampede were limping so she snagged one of those slowpokes. "What's going on?" The animal she had grabbed was a gazelle with a lame leg and a nervous twitch. "They say the Toymaster has grown tired of us. The whole planet is being reconverted back to the way we were." Bubbles mouth fell open. To be human again! She suddenly had flashes of memory about the life she once had. Rupert and the pigs had kept up their spanking fun in spite of the stampede, but they noticed it. When Rupert was done with his spanking, he found Bubbles with a faraway look on her face. "What was that all about?" he asked. |
| "We're going to be normal again!" Bubbles said Rupert was amazed but also kind of worried "So...What happens to us former normal animals who became sapient?" He said A voice inside his head said "Don't worry...All Animals who became sapient will be reincarnated into another dimension...One where animals can talk..." And Rupert and Chico Boom Boom were reincarnated into another universe, one with a Native American Unicorn,and a Pink and Purple Cat and a certain boy with red hair, green eyes and a long nose... |
Bubbles found herself in her very own bed again when she woke up. She jumped to her feet. "Oh, Auntie Em! It's so good to be home!" She cast her eye around the room and spotted a plushie rabbit on the floor. It was ragged and dirty and had bits of weed and straw caught in its plush. Bubbles picked it up and held it to her breast. tears welled in her eyes. "Rupert!' she whispered. Then she carefully placed the plush rabbit in a place of honor on the shelf of stuffed animals by her bed, smiled, and ran downstairs to see what was for breakfast. THE END |
 Log in to Leave Feedback |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
