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Intelligent plants threaten planets of intelligence... |
| [Introduction] Aquaria, the Water Planet, home of the anthropomorphic Tuna Barzal, the Air Planet, home of the anthropomorphic Flying Squirrels Geog, the Land Planet, home of the anthropomorphic Wolves The Sproot, an intelligent plantlike species that travels through space in the form of spores, invading planet after planet where the spores sprout into roots which form an underground network of interlocking fibers that act as the nerve cells of a gigantic planet-wide brain. Then comes the horror as the stalks of the Sproot grow upward until they appear above ground with their telepathic bulbs that control any intelligent life form that comes within 100 feet of them. |
| On Barzal they have a saying, If your sheets against the wind then your pillow might get wet. Nobody on Barzal knows its origin. It's just an old saying to be used when life becomes chaotic. On Barzal that day there were pillows getting wet. "Hi! I'm Squib the Flying Squirrel, owner of Squib's Nuts and Seeds. Is this the command headquarters of the combined Barzal military forces?" "Yes, it is, sir," said Sergeant Jeffrey Snarl, a Little Brown Bat currently serving at the front desk. "I want to enlist," said Squib. "May I ask why?" "The Sproots, of course! I want to fight the damn Sproots! They are taking over the universe!" "And how old are you?" asked Sergeant Jeffrey. He had noticed the grey hairs on Squib's head. "Fifty-three, but there is still plenty of fight left in me!" "I'm sorry, sir, but we currently are not accepting any enlistees over the age of 28." "Well, ain't that disgusting!" said Squib. "A man wants to fight for his country but his country rejects him." |
| On Aquaria lived Charlene Tuna, Daughter of the Legendary Charlie Tuna, she was a trust fund fish who never had to lift of fin for anything in her life. Then the Sproots came and everything changed Charlene barely escaped with her life! The Great Charlie Tuna was killed trying to resist the Sproots, he was eaten by a Dogfish |
| Geog, home of a number of canine-types. Some prized strength, others prized cunning. Some were expert thieves, while others were excellent guards. People were organized in packs, with Alphas in charge of them. This extended to their military. Life was easy. Then, the plants showed up. |
| Squib the Flying Squirrel began watching all the news channels he could find. He soon discovered that Barzal was not the only planet being invaded by the Sproot. Geog and Aquaria also had Sproot problems. He joined chat groups and sent messages. Together we can defeat the Sproots! I stand beside those noble Aquarians and Geogs who are resisting the evil Sproot! Let's beat them down and back into the cold dark space from whence they came. |
| Charlene saw this message and typed My Dad was killed by the Sproots I'll do anything to avenge him! |
| Somewhere on Geog, a wolf general is trying to coordinate the professional military, as well as the various Resistance and Militia groups that had shown up to fight. "How is that group of fox thieves communicating?" he asked. "They're using Social Media, sir," said a private. "Never was much good with that," the general said. "Send them a message. Tell them that the Howling Commandos could use some guides to get near the enemy base. I'll see to it that Full Pardons are given to those who help out." "Are you sure we can do that?" a sergeant asked. "I've been authorized to use all means," the general said. "If I have to pardon a bunch of jewel thieves to achieve victory, small price to pay." |
| Squib saw Charlene's post and typed Sorry about your Dad. The Sproots are evil! Looks like the most intense fighting is on Geog right now. Would you be willing to go there if I paid for our tickets? I am getting together a group of resistance fighters. Any of your friends that are interested can go too. We are financing it with Kickstart and some other fund raisers. |
| Meanwhile, on Geog, the leader of the wolf commandos is trying to locate the contact he was supposed to meet. He checked his watch. "Civilians and thieves," he muttered. "No appreciation of time." He then heard something. Turning quickly, he found himself pointing his assault rifle at a vixen with a shotgun. "Captain Victor Quickclaws?" the vixen asked. "Jewel Whitetip?" the wolf asked. "Safe word?" "I hate vegetables." "Too bad. We have to eat them." The commando lowered his weapon, as did the vixen. "Stupidest safe phrase I've ever heard in my life." The thief rolled her eyes. "I've heard worse." She looked behind the wolf. "The rest of your men?" "Someplace safe," said Quickclaws. He checked his watch. "Let's go. Told them if I wasn't back, within the next thirty minutes, to assume the worse." Jewel nodded. "Told my group the same thing." |
| Don't worry messaged Squib to Charlene. You're anthropomorphic. You will be fine out of the water. Squib took the spaceship Foregone Conclusion to Aquaria. There he met Charlene. "Did you find a friend to bring with you or will it just be you?" he asked her. |
| Squib and Charlene traveled on the spaceship Martha's Folly to Geog. "Ugh!" said Charlene when they walked off the ship onto the surface of Geog. "So much land and not much water!" "Look!" Squib said and pointed at a raggedy-looking ape man holding up a poster that said Resistance fighters! Assemble here! "That means us!" They hurried over and when they got to the ape man he said, "Hello, brothers! Did you come to join the fight against the Sproot?" |
| "Get on the bus," said the ape man. Charlene and Squib got on a rickety old school bus that had been painted camouflage colors. There was a motley assortment of other off-worlders already on the bus. "Hi ya, brother!" said a thing with tentacles and feathers. "We gonna kick some Sproot ass!" Puffing smoke and chugging like a choo choo, the bus pulled away from the spaceport and headed down a two-lane road. "Where are we going?" Squib asked. The ape man, who was also the bus driver, said, "To join up with some regular forces. You'll be under their command. You're not afraid of wolves, are you?" |
| "What are Wolves?" Asked Charlene "They're things that have triangular ears and bushy tails, and they howl a lot." Said the Ape Man |
| "They are also strict about the whole Chain of Command," the Ape Man said. "It's part of how their society operates in times of danger." |
| "I've got no problem with chain of command," Squib said. "What I have a problem with is a home planet army who tells you that you are too old to fight! I've got a problem with that." "I hear you," said the ape man. "Don't worry. We need every fighter we can get here. Age is not a problem." After a long bumpy journey that left them feeling worn out and exhausted, the bus arrived at a large shack somewhere in the Geog wilderness. "This is Fort Graydon," said the ape. "It's not much, but it's got bunks and a kitchen and a good well. You can get a shower and a meal here. And it looks like we'll meet a wolf." Sure enough, there was a grizzly-looking old wolf standing in the doorway. "Well, bring them in, Bernard! Let's see what this load looks like. My God, is that a fish? Don't see many of them around here. Hey, fish girl! What's your name?" |
| "Great," the wolf said. "The Aqua division will be glad to have you. Frees up a Rebreather device for other things, like underwater maintenance." |
| "They call me Big Paw," said the wolf. He looked at Squib. "A flying squirrel! Don't see many of those either." "How many have you seen?" Squib asked. "You're the first," said Big Paw. "How many grenades do you think you could carry and still stay up in the air?" "I don't know" Squib said. "How heavy is one grenade?" Big Paw reached into a barrel, pulled out an object and tossed it at Squib. "Ugh!" Squib said as he caught the small but heavy sphere. "Two at the most." "Good enough," Big Paw said. "I have visions of you zooming down on a Sproot bulb and putting a double whammy on it. Do you guys know all about the Sproots? The underground network of roots? The telepathic bulbs they send up on stalks? Do you have any questions?" |
| "Um, what's that?" Charlene asked. "With any luck, some Commandos destroying some Sproots." |
| "Is the Sproot nearby?" asked Squib. "Are you kidding?" said Big Paw. "The ground beneath us is full of Sproot fibers. It could send up a bulb at any time." "How fast do the bulbs sprout?" "Fortunately, it takes them at least 24 hours before they are tall enough and strong enough to control any minds, but after three or four days a Sproot bulb can turn anybody into a zombie." "Why don't you just kill all the roots?" Squib asked. Big Paw shook his head sadly. "Son, you're talking about many hundreds of square miles of roots. It's just not possible to dig them all up. We're working on poisons, but we haven't found any chemical that can do more than just kill the roots in a small area where it is applied." "This is so depressing," said Charlene. "It sounds like we can't win." "We can destroy the damn bulbs!" Big Paw said. "They're easy to see and easy to take down." |
| "Don't worry," said Sergeant Menoza, a menacing-looking warthog. "You want be here much. In fact, I've got a balloon going out right now and it has two empty slots. Come with me." "Wait!" Squib said. "Balloon? What do you mean?" "You don't know what a balloon is?" said the warthog. "Take a look." As they rounded the corner, they came across a hot air balloon that was straining at the ropes that held it bound to earth. There were already three people on board, a rabbit and two mice. "Hop in!" said the rabbit. "I'm Lt. Floppy. These two rodents are Privates Mick and Mike. They're twins. Can you believe it?" "Sure," Squib said. "Why not?" Squib and Charlene crawled into the balloon. There was just enough room for all five of them and a big basket full of grenades. "Bon voyage!" yelled Sergeant Mendoza as he set the balloon free. It bounced up into the sky and Charlene felt like she was about to lose her lunch. "Fish don't fly!" she yelled. Of course, Squib, being a flying squirrel, was right at home. It wasn't long before they spotted some Sproot bulbs below them. "We can't get too close to them or they will brainwash us," said Lt. Floppy. "Try to drop a grenade as close to a bulb as you can." |
| "As long as you get close, it will do some damage," said one of the mice. "Just remember to pull the pin." |
| "Oh," Charlene said. "Sorry. I'll remember next time." "Give me two of those," Squib said. Then he jumped out of the basket. "Yikes!" said Private Mike. They watched the flying squirrel soar toward a Sproot bulb and drop two grenades on it. "Yay!" they yelled as the grenades exploded and the bulb disintegrated. Squib made a neat landing back in the gondola of the hot air balloon. "Piece of cake!" he said with a grin. |
| Every day for three weeks they went out for a balloon ride, dropping grenades on Sproot bulbs wherever they saw them. Then one day Sergeant Mendoza said, "You've done good work. It's time for some rest and relaxation. You all have a weekend pass and the bus leaves in one hour for the city. Interested?" "I'll say!" said Squib. "I could use a good restaurant meal and a night on the town." The bus took them to the nearby city of Baymerry. It wasn't a large city, but it had several restaurants and night clubs and two hotels. Squib and Charlene and Mick and Mike stayed at the Baymerry Plaza Hotel, sharing a room because they didn't have much money. The first night found them sitting down to a meal at a restaurant called The Friendly Gizzard. A waiter took their orders. "What will you have?" |
| "I'll have some Algae Soup." Said Charlene. "That is not on the menu." Said the Waiter who was a Pig with a French accent |
| "Then send someone out to get it, and I'll pay for it," said a voice from the next table over. Charlene and Squib turned their heads, and saw at least a dozen wolves and foxes sitting at some tables that had been pushed together, the wolves all wearing military uniforms and the foxes wearing armbands that stated that they were militia. "Um, who would you be?" Squib asked. "Captain Victor Quickclaws, Howling Commandos," the wolf said. "My friend here, Jewel Whitetip, leads Jewel's Thieves." The female fox across from him gave a nod. "Seen your work from a distance. Not too bad, for a bunch of rookies." |
| "Jewel is right," Quickclaws said. "You have a great throwing arm and good flying skills. We heard you were setting records for Sproot bulb destruction. Good show, mate!" "Thank you!" Squib said. "I've heard about the Howling Commandos. They say you're the toughest outfit in the army and take on the most difficult jobs that no one else can handle." |
| Quickclaws chuckled at this. "It's our belief that the quicker we get the job done, the sooner we can get back to other things. There's a couple of jewelry stores that Jewel and her foxes want to rob." Jewel chuckled a the remarked. "And you want to go back to polishing your big guns." |
| Charlene shivered 'All these land creatures are so...Uncouth.' She thought to herself as the Pig Waiter brought ehr her soup |
| She took one sip of the soup and made a face. "Ew! You call this algae soup?!" "Algae soup?" said the waiter. "I thought you said alki soup. It's made from the alkaline salts of the Great Western Desert and a particular tasty species of cactus. I never heard of algae soup." Charlene took another sip. "Actually, it's not that bad. I just wasn't expecting it. It's like when you think you are taking a drink of iced tea but it's really root beer or coke and so you get a shock. Alki soup, eh? Alright, I'll eat it." "That's very kind of you, miss," said the waiter and walked away. Charlene turned to Squib. "Was he being sarcastic?" |
| "Good work!" said the message. "Keep on doing what you are doing." At the restaurant called The Friendly Gizzard, the party of commandos, jewel thieves, and resistance fighters had finished their meals and were getting down to some serious drinking. One of the commandos jumped up on a table and shouted, "I can lick any man in the place in a fair fight!" |
| Quickclaws looked at the Commando. "Private Grey, sit back down. No need to show off how good you are, or how bad you are. Besides, you don't want Jewel or her men to take you up on your offer. I have a feeling they'd follow the oldest rule of fighting." "What's that Sarge?" Private Grey asked. "If you can't win, cheat." At this, Jewel and four of her foxes leaped, taking the commando off of the table, and sending him to the floor, pinning him. "Hey, that's not fair!" the Private yelled. "All's fair in love and war," said Quickclaws. "You're the one that forgot to say, 'One at a time folks.' It's not my fault you didn't anticipate more than one jumping at the same time." At this, the thieves and other commandos began to laugh. "Jewel, could you and your thieves get off of my commando?" Quickclaws asked. "His mother would be unhappy to find out that a bunch of foxes tackled him, to say nothing about his father." "Sure thing," said Jewel. "Come on boys, let's get up." |
| She did a doubletake and almost spit out her drink. "Fishes!" she sputtered, pointing at the window. "Don't just stare at them," Squib said. "Go check it out." Charlene hurried out of the Hungry Gizzard and Squib watched through the window as she stopped the two fish people in the street and started talking to them. "What's so interesting out there?" Quickclaws asked. Squib turned to him. "Charlene's just discovered she's not the only fish on this planet." |
| The other Fishes were Tuna like Charlene, however where Charlene was a Southern Bluefin Tuna, these guys were Albacore. "Hey Fellow Fishes!" Said Charlene "Don't talk to us." Said One of the Albacore This stopped Charlene dead in her tracks "Uh what?" "We don't want anything to do with you Charlene." Said the Other Albacore "How do you know my name?" Charlene asked "Don't you remember us?" Asked the First Albacore Charlene shook her head "We're Bink and Dink, the two fishes you picked on in Prep School!" |
| "Oh my God!" Charlene said. "What are you guys doing here on Geog?" "Same as you, I guess," said Bink. "Fighting the Sproot." "Look, you guys, I'm sorry about that prep school stuff. I'm older and wiser now. Can't we be friends? There aren't many fish on this planet and I'm lonely." Bink looked at Dink. "What do you think, Dink?" |
| Dink said "No! I don't ant to be friends with bullies!" "Yeah." Said Bink "I don't think I could ever like you." |
| Charlene started crying. "Oh please, please! I am so sorry about being a bully in prep school. I'm not like that now. Really, I'm not." "Stop crying!" Dink said. Then he turned to Bink. "Wow, she has changed. I never saw her cry in prep school. She was tough then. Now she's an emotional wreck." "Yeah," Bink said. "It's kind of sad, really. I think I liked her better as a bully." Charlene let out a big sob. "Please give me another chance!" "Oh, alright," Bink said. "We forgive you. Right, Dink?" |
| "How would you boys like to join our fighting unit?" Quickclaws said to Bink and Dink. They readily agreed and when the recreation leave was over and everybody was back at the fort, Bink and Dink were thrilled to become flying fish. "A balloon!" Dink said. "I never dreamed I would one day be up in a balloon." "It's not all fun and games," said Lt. Floppy. "We've got grenades to drop," Both Bink and Dink turned out to be accurate throwers and soon were notching their belts with Sproot kills. One day Charlene sighed and said, "Is this war going to go on forever? Are we going to spend the rest of our lives dropping grenades on Sproot sprouts?" "There are rumors of an Ultimate Solution," said Lt. Floppy. "Really?" Squib asked. "What would that be?" "I'm not exactly sure, but I hear the top brass are considering evacuating the entire planet and then doing a mass poisoning of the Sproot. They've developed a poison, but it's not safe to use." "Sounds extreme," Squib said, "but if it's the only way to end this war..." |
| "What's that hissing noise?" said Squib. "There's a leak in the balloon!" said Lt. Floppy. Uh oh, guys It looks like we 're going down!" Charlene pointed down. "Lot's of Sproot bulbs down there!" Bink grabbed the sides of his head. "My head! I hear voices!" "Me too!" Squib said. Soon their altitude had dropped so low that they were in range of the telepathic bulbs of the Sproot. Their faces became blank. The balloon was drifting down so slowly that it landed without crashing. Like zombies, Squib and Charlene and Lt. Floppy and Bink and Dink began walking away from the crash site. No one said anything. Soon they reached a Sproot bulb that was much larger than the other bulbs. A voice in their head said Why do you attack me? Why do you drop boom booms on me? What did I do to you? You are very mean! Squib felt himself suddenly released from the bulb's mental grip. He knew it wanted him to answer it. "You invaded our planet! Of course we are attacking you!" Invade? What is invade? "This is not your world," Squib said. "You do not belong here." All worlds are Sproot worlds. Sproot live everywhere. "No!" Squib said. "That is not the way it works! You can live where no other intelligent species lives, but you can not live on worlds like this where there is already an intelligent species in power." Who make such rule? Sproot not make rule. "Well, Sproot must follow that rule or the Sproot will be attacked over and over forever!" You go back home. Tell everyone no more attack Sproot. No more drop boom booms. Leave Sproot alone. Go now and do that. Lt. Floppy shook his head. "I think it's out of my mind now. We better head for home while we have the chance." "What about the balloon?" Bink said. "We'll have to leave it and walk. It's not that far to the fort. We can make it if the Sproot let us." |
| "What just happened?" Charlene asked. "You're asking the wrong rabbit," said Lt. Floppy. |
| "My head hurts," Bink said. When they reached the fort they were surprised to find it almost completely deserted. In fact, the only one there was the ape man and his school bus. "I've been waiting for you," he said. "If you hadn't come by sundown it would have been too late." "What happened?" Squib said. "Evacuation order. The entire planet is being evacuated. They are going to use the Ultimate Solution." |
| "Just get on the bus," said the ape man. Soon they were bouncing along the road on the way to a space port. Every spaceship the Geogs owned had been mobilized and they had rented thousands more from various planets. "Holy Smokes!" Squib said when they arrived at the field. "It looks like a dozen Noah's Arks." Giant space ships had long lines of various beings winding their way across the field and up the loading ramps into the ships. Lights were flashing and a loud warning buzzer was sounding: Bonk! ... Bonk! ... Bonk! ... |
| Once the ship lifted off and they were in space, Charlene calmed down. Squib looked down at Planet Geog, where soon tons of lethal poisons would be released into the atmosphere killing all the Sproot. "Maybe we should have tried to make friends with them," Squib said. They looked at him like he was crazy. "They didn't know they were invading us. To them it was just another place to live. Being plants they feel they have the right to grow wherever conditions permit." Lt. Floppy rolled his eyes. "Well, they're going to find out conditions on Geog do not permit. And there better not be any of them left alive when we finally get to return to the planet. I will personally burn them to a crisp." Squib sighed. "Still... the universe would be a much happier place if we could all just get along." |
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