The Womanly Arts: Forum

My thoughts on Corner Stones and how they apply to young females:

1. Don’t intentionally do things that are annoying or vexing to your husband.

Young girls can do this to young guys because they can, even though I can assure this isn't the same with all females. I think girls today feel they were born with the right to do what they want to whomever they want, and as more of my generation gets married, this trend is bound to be exacerbated. Of course, it doesn't help that sloth and apathy is encouraged among males since women are becoming more prominently professionally in society. So I think among youth, both sexes are equally guilty.

2. Don’t be more loyal to friends than to your husband.

I think this could be a problem with my generation since camaraderie with female friends is heavily pushed by the media. For girls with more guy friends than girl friends, though, this is less of an issue. I mention that particular option because it's common enough, at least with the females I've met (and in some cases befriended). I've always believed in the spouse or beau also being a person's best friend, but how many youth share a similar mindset is questionable.

3. Don’t argue, pout, or give your husband the cold shoulder when you don’t get your own way.

If you were to say this to many females my age, they'd start laughing and scoffing, as they feel they always get their way no matter what. And people wonder why I have anger issue when I want nothing more than to slug these females straight to Saturn. If I don't get my way, I might be ticked off, but I opt not to take it out on my beau. Usually a nice screaming rant in the journal or a draining session of intense physical activity works well in blowing off steam. So yeah, I agree with this one. I just don't know how many female youths feel about this.

4. Stay within the limits of your household’s income.

Eh, I could argue this, mostly because I have it in my mind that if I get married, I want to make more than my husband. Why? I have no beef with being the breadwinner, and it's the closest I'll get to having a house husband. That said, if I'm making the majority of the money, I would like to have a little more freedom with it. I don't want designer clothes or a sprawling house, but I do like to live comfortably, albeit at an upscale level, and if I'm willing to spend my money on it, I should be allowed. I have never expected a man to pay for anything I own, anyway. If you ask me, we buy what we need with our own money and alternate mutual expenses.

5. Don’t correct, interrupt, talk for your husband, or be too outspoken when others are around.

Now this I definitely must argue. I'll say right now that between my beau and me, I'm the more outspoken one, anyway! In truth, some young males (and some older ones) appreciate this quality in a female, particularly those who are less socially inclined. As well, whenever I was with my (all male)cousins, I had to correct and interrupt in order to get an edge in the discussion. Of course, the females from my mom's side of the family (in other words most of them) were raised in an environment where interruption among adult conversation was normal for any gender, and as I've been added to the mix, I've acquired this set of conversation mannerisms as well.

6. Don’t be manipulating to get your own way. Deceit, tears, begging, nagging, complaining, anger, or intimidation are all forms of manipulation.

Yeah, this never applied in the married relationships I've come across in my family. While I've never seen anger, intimidation or deceit used, all the others are in common practice in my family. I think this type of behavior occurs among women who are given complete control of the hearth, as opposed to the responsibility being divvied up. This kind of goes back to the first point when I put it in perspective of my generation. It's common for young males to take the easy way out and let the female control the happenings in the home, so this nagging and what not is bound to happen since the guys aren't doing their part.

7. Don’t make important decisions without consulting your husband.

I think it's a good idea to consult with him, especially if the decision could result in a move, change of occupation or fluctuation in the household finances. At the same time, though, it is more common for the women to have the final say in these decisions, and in the case of my family, most of the big decisions do in fact fall under my mother's authority. As I grew up, it was my mother who tried to keep me out of special education, and she was the first one to start her own business. Once I became a legal adult, the household became largely egalitarian, and while we'd give the others word of our intention, each person had th authority to decide for him/herself what to do. Nowadays, I will say women are getting more of a say in the decision making process.

8. Never directly defy your husband’s wishes.

I say this requires women's intuition. If you sense your husband's wishes are malevolent, then go ahead and defy them. I think this one is the one rule most female youths follow, and it tends to get them in the most trouble, especially since it can lead to abuse. It can also lead to unhappiness on the female's end if her husband doesn't want her to do anything that will involve her having a life outside the home (which is a bit of a problem in working and lower class marriages which are common among the youth). As well, if a husband doesn't want his wife to work, financial hardship is going to be a big problem, as today's society doesn't exactly fit most single income homes. You have to take this case by case.

9. Since you loved and trusted your spouse enough to marry him, then don’t second guess him by worrying about the decisions he makes and take matters into her own hands.

I doubt my generation knows the definition of the word trust let alone use it as a reason to marry someone. We youth are a cynical bunch when it comes to trust in marriage, especially since quite a number of us come from broken marriages, and the divorce rates are rising like there's no tomorrow. We're tormented by past adultery and bad decisions made by our parents during their marriages. My parents and my beau's parents are not divorced, but we both have a least one friend or acquaintance whose parents divorced. Keep in mind we both aren't big socializers, which shows there's a large portion of the youth population which has had to face divorce at some point in their lives. So we're not going to trust even if we do get married. We'll always be afraid to not know the reasons behind decisions. Needless to say, I think psychiatry and counseling will be booming fields thanks to us (and our divorcing parents).

10. Pay close attention to what your husband that says.

I agree, but this skill only comes with age. Youth? Listen? If you try to get them to listen and succeed, let me know. Maybe I'm just around the wrong people for my peer pressure magic to work. Still, I've yet to find youth willing to listen. Sure, they can still absorb a plethora of ideas and other educational blurbs so they can form opinions. But listening to the other side? Maybe it's just part of being young. If so, I lost my instruction manual (not that I want it back).

Whew! I think I'm done...for now.




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