Foster Care Experiences Contest.

The Vicious Cycle 514W
By Anne Marie Whitmore


“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. You can house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the House of Tomorrow…”

Kahlil Gibran was wrong. All children are our children---and if we fail, we fail the future, in the costs of increased crime, prisons, and patchwork social services, among other things.
Who can put a price on shattered and ruined human lives?
My husband and I have sheltered a dozen foster children over the course of several years.
Picture this: two little girls, hiding under the bed, sobbing, on a Friday night. It took us awhile to figure out they were expecting us to argue, fight, hit each other, and throw breakable objects across the room.
We are new role models for them, we show them a better way to live, we show them a new spirit or way to approach life; we give them nourishment for their growing souls. And I submit religion and education are the core of our lasting legacy to them.

Katie and her siblings were turned into the stars of a pornographic home video—taken by their very own biological father! He escaped prosecution when the film “mysteriously” disappeared.
We kept in touch, visiting. Years later, Katie became the unwed mother of two little girls, by an alcoholic father. Having dropped out of high school, she had no visible way to support them, or even herself. We need to give them life and career skills.

We give our temporary kids room and board, most often with love included free of charge. The System fails them when it doesn’t show them the way out of the vicious cycle of poverty and abuse. Education is the key to better jobs and a better life. Any foster care system needs to address these issues, and the system should be national in scope. Too many parents run from one jurisdiction to another to escape regulations and time limits.

We need to look at all the people first, especially the children, and not be bound by a slew of petty rules. When I started, a foster mom couldn’t work outside the home. I wanted to adopt, but it was not allowed, unless I shared the child’s racial or ethnic heritage. Isn’t a baby a baby? They went overboard to reunite the birth family, but some problems just couldn’t be fixed. The “three strikes” rule should apply, or the kids keep bouncing around from place to place.

When you care enough to help children, you are letting yourself in for possible disappointment, betrayal of trust, and sorrow. But you are also opening the way for much happiness, satisfaction, and even joy.

At her birth, little Daisy was informally made my first grandchild. Before her first birthday, she was abused and taken into custody briefly. I can’t help much; I now live 1500 miles away. Can you stop the vicious cycle? Before it’s too late for little Daisy, and thousands like her?

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