House of Reviews

I can't remember (and can't find) exactly what I said about this piece when I saw it last, so I hope I'm not giving totally contradictory advice. But looking at these two parts, I really like the external narration better than the first person. It gives that little bit of ironic distance, so that we can follow Bebe's adventures while not really feeling "trapped" in there with her--and it's your touch of humor that will keep people reading. Also, the third-person sounds like something that she would do--an obsessive, running narration of her life.

The flow of her thinking is very real--I have no trouble following how her enthusiasm for school wilts under what she perceives as a challenge from the therapist.

I think the gently comic tone of the story is its greatest strength. I'll be interested to see how Bebe interacts with people (friends, relatives, new acquaintances), and how they affect/intrude upon her rather sealed-up internal state. I peeked at some of the subsequent material (part 8). I'm starting to think that staying with Bebe's consciousness (in third person) is going to be best. Let the reader experience how Bebe lets people and their lives in (or doesn't), and how that affects the absorbtion with her own moods and throughts that her illness not only engenders but to a certain extent makes necessary.