House of Reviews

Sorry to take so long to get back to you on this.

This is well-written and feels very real. The one thing that I feel needs to be addressed is that Emily's change of heart seems forced. I'm assuming the turning point is the poem Randy writes--that's a lot of weight to put onto that one moment. I'd start working on the late November/December entries to make the push/pull in Emily's attitude more vivid. The reader needs to really feel the progression in attitude that brings about the ending. You want the reader to truly believe that she's about to use the gun (that part is working), but when she doesn't, that should feel true. Right now, it's more of a "twist ending" that doesn't quite ring right. Randy has touched her, but I as a reader don't feel deeply for the bond between them. At this point I don't really believe that the relationship with Randy could sway her from her rage and self-destructiveness.

Perhaps the poem can come a little earlier? After all the griping we hear Emily doing over the journal, we really want to understand what makes her vow to start a new one and keep going in spite of everything. Your goal is not only to keep readers guessing right up to the end, but also to get them to a point where they could truly believe either ending--the gun or the book. Good luck with this.

Thanks for posting,
RJ