%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |  On Hiatus until April, 2015 |
"Invalid Entry"  in
My review of the Cave
Case Specifics: The only way I was able to link with this was through going into his portfolio. "'The Cave'" The Cave Genre Horror/Scary This is a very scary story. I'm not sure I would want revenge though. I think the wiser move would be to forget I saw the cave, but boys will be boys, while this is tame as far as horror goes in certainly fits the other part of the genre. I enjoyed the read very much. You do have a few weakness that interrupt the flow of the story, but they are minor fixes. Many times the story is better served by the use of the periods rather than commas or conjunctions.(and, but, because, etc. These are rarely necessary. Read the sentence, objectively. If and or but etc. sounds like extra baggage don't used them. Example: Your statement. As they neared the far wall of the chamber, they became aware of a large wooden object. Eric moved toward it, all the while straining his ears for any sounds other than the constant dripping of water. He became aware that Haeden, now quiet, was very close behind him. My suggestion: Eric stumbled back and turned, and there in the shadows was a large wooden object, as Erick moved toward it, straining to hear any sounds other than the incessantly dripping water, Haeden, who was very close behind him, was also very quiet. This is just one opinion and I noticed this story was written for a contest, so these suggestions are for your future consideration. Good luck. By Dekalb Daddy |
||||||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
