SugarCube's Insomniac Asylum

I used to be so easy to embarrass. But not any more. Being an old fart means I get to be as obnoxious as I like and they just put it down to my age. When you're as old as I am, you've seen it all, stuck your foot in every mouth possible and got the T-shirt that proclaims, "I couldn't care less."

When I was young (very), my father made an Olympic sport out of embarrassing us kids. His favourite venue was any hotel dining room. He'd start by grabbing the napkin and tucking it into his collar like a bib. Total consternation from the kids and muttered pleas of, "Don't do that Dad - it looks silly." Of course, that only encouraged him and he'd bring on his coup-de-grace: to stand up and look around the room while saying in a loud voice, "Where's the toilet?" Cringing kids shrink to table top level and turn red.

It was never easy, being British.