Crosstimbers Review Forum

Item Reviewed: "March 1st, 2056"   by LorenIsOneOfMyNames
Reviewer: Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈

                                                             
As always, these are just one person's opinions. Always remember Only you know what is best for your story. I've read and commented on your work as I would try to read my own. I hope you find something here useful , and that you will discard the rest with good cheer.

                                                             
What I liked best
I enjoyed this tale of a dystopian future. As with all SciFi, it's really a commentary on today's events, including not only the pandemic but political dysfunction.

                                                             
Opening
Openings are critical in any work of fiction. Some editors and agents will decide whether or not to read your submission based only on your first sentence.

Your opening is your best opportunity to draw readers into your fictional world, to induce a dream-like state in which your words guide their imaginations. The readers become the author's active partners in imagining the fictional world, in a state of suspended disbelief. In crafting the opening of any story, it's the author's primary task to launch this fictional dream.

This is an effective opening: it sets the stage, answers the who, what, when, and where questions, and names your first-person narrator. It establishes the basic dilemma, as well, which is the lack of reliable information about the chaos of official reality, especially where it interacts with lived reality.

                                                             
Plot
The plot revolves around the continuing decay of social order and disinformation from the official sources, along with Nat's growing suspicions about the politicians and rich people. She evolves a plan to counter this, but we never learn any details. Since she's a single student in high school (?), however, her plan seems to have little prospect for success.

Kurt Vonnegut once said that every character should want something, even if it's a glass of water. I think we need some clarity earlier about Nat's goals. Initially, they seem to be "lay low and not make waves," but they evolve over time. This evolution of her goals is her character arc, and is essential to the plot. Knowing the particulars of her plan is less relevant to the story than the changes she undergoes over the month.

                                                             
Style and Voice
This story uses an epistolary style which uses journal entries to tell the story. This has a long tradition in literature, ranging from the original "Dracula" by Bram Stoker to "Fried Green Tomatoes" by Fannie Flagg.

One of the challenges to this approach is that the story usually winds up being told rather than shown. Your first person narrator does a reasonably good job of inserting the fictional present, the here-and-now of ongoing events, into her journal narratives. That's particularly true in the very first paragraph, that puts the reader inside her head and on that street.

The more that the journal entries show characters acting and speaking--as opposing to telling us that they acted and spoke--the stronger the story will be. This is because seeing things happen in real-time, through the words and deeds of the characters, is more immediate and intimate than narrating what happened. The durability of epistolary novels and short stories comes from authors achieving this balance between journal entries telling things and putting actual words in the mouths of the characters and actual deeds on pages. This is a difficult task, but you have mostly managed it.

                                                             
Characters
Nat, her mother, and her father are all well-drawn and speak with distinctive voices.

                                                             
Just my personal opinion
One way to think of telling a story is that it is a guided dream in which the author leads the readers through the events. In doing this, the author needs to engage the readers as active participants in the story, so that they become the author's partner in imagining the story. Elements of craft that engage the readers and immerse them in the story enhance this fictive dream. On the other hand, authors should avoid things that interrupt the dream and pull readers out of the story.

This is good short story. While we don't know the details of Nat's plan, Nat's story arc--which is the plot arc as well--goes from trying to fit in and not be noticed to standing up for the truth and fighting back--at least, that's the way I read it. I could wish that her struggle to change had played a little more obvious role in the events, but overall I think you did a good job with both the plot and the evolution of Nat's character.

Thanks for sharing, and by all means keep writing!!!

                                                             
Line-by-line remarks
Your text is in BLUE.
My comments are in GREEN.
If I suggest a re-wording, it's in GRAPE.
                                                             
Truly, I didn't find anything to whine about in the body of the story.

                                                             

I only review things I like, and I really liked this story. I'm a professor by day, and find awarding grades the least satisfying part of my job. Since I'm reviewing in part for my own edification, I decided long ago to give a rating of "4" to everything I review, thus avoiding the necessity of "grading" things on WDC. So please don't assign any weight to my "grade" -- but know that I selected this story for review because I liked it and thought I could learn from studying it.

Again, these are just one person's opinions. Only you know what is best for your story! The surest path to success is to keep writing and to be true to your muse!

Max Griffin
Please visit my website and blog at
http://MaxGriffin.net

Check out my latest release!

ASIN: B00THNWLJY The Hounds of Hollenbeck Product Type: Kindle Store Amazon's Price: $ 5.99 Buy Now!