Sunni's Review &Edit - closed

"Skyfire Ablaze" 
This was very different from "Wendy's wish"  and I
got a little lost between parts one and two –maybe
because I have never played Everquest. I didn't
have any trouble picturing things so you must have
done a good job with descriptions.

Recommendations:

1. Break up those run-on sentences. Examples:

" This must have been an incarnation directly
from hell {c;red}(insert , ) for although severly
wounded, and clearly on it's last instances of life
(insert , ) it still took a severe beating of
several minutes for me to finally get it's
attention(change , to a period) (capitalize A
)as it stood there clawing at me from what
seemed every direction, I noticed my own fatigue
and health dropping dramatically (change ,
to a period) I evaded his blows with a well
timed Feigning, a skill that monks learn early in
theier lives (change , to – )
and that has saved mine countless times
(change , to – ) this time it worked quite
well (change , to a period) (delete "for" and
capitalize T) the monstrous
encarnation left my limp body and
co(insert n )tinued it's p(change e
to u )rsuit of the now rested wolf."

2. Check for typos that the spell check missed.
See above for some of them.

3. Be sure to follow rule 11 in Strunk and White's
elements of style (word order) "A participle phrase
at the beginning of a sentence must refer to the
grammatical subject" Example:

" ,as it's corpse toppled to the rocky ground the
druid thanked me, and exclaimed that for my
actions, I would be rewarded with that
(insert "for") which I searched." This
sounds as if it was the druid's body that toppled to
the rocky ground. (I made this it's
own sentence –the part before the comma should
have been a separate sentence also.)

4. Punctuation and word choice suggestions:

" With a casting of what seemed
(insert – )to my arcanly ignorant
eyes(change , to –) a very powerful spell,
a swarm seemed to appear out of around the wolf
and engulf the lavawalker. The beast had no
recourse as it swatted the air(change , to ; )
it's health was quickly diminishing and as it
started to flee from the deadly swarm
(change , to a period) I jumped up from
my trance-like state of death, and
continued to (change "instill" to "inflict")
damaging blows of fury."

¡ahah! It was driving me crazy –instill just didn't
sound right to me and I couldn't think of the word I
wanted until just now: inflict ( To give, cause, or
produce by striking).

" (delete As )(capitalize W) we sat there
looking
over the horizon, both regenerating(change ,
to a period) (capitalize A)although he was not of
my kind, we(rewording: had a simple
understanding of how we had helped each other)
(delete "sat and simply had an understanding of
each others help.")"

This was a fun read and it is nice to see that you
handle different genres so well.
Sunni17