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I spread enough problematic thoughts around on my own. Now it's your turn... |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Spreading Problematic Content I spend most of my waking hours entertaining all you lazy sods on Writing.com. Granted I do it at your expense, but you should still consider yourself indebted to me. I do it by of course being problematic, a gift that comes pretty easily to me. Lately though things have been boring. Utterly sleep-inducing even. It's time my minions, followers, imitators, and admirers return the favor. That's where this In-and-Out comes in. It's time everyone gets problematic. You know you want to. I see how you all watch me thinking "Wow, he rules so much; I want to emulate him." Here's your chance. You post a response to the last post or you can create a whole new post. The only stipulation is you need to be at least a little problematic and at least mildly amusing. If I see an especially entertaining and/or clever post, I'll even award you some gift points or something. And if I see a pathetic one that completely wastes my time, I'll delete it, hunt you down, and fart on your firstborn. A true master of problematic content knows the subtle nuances of the lunacy that I embody, but here's a list of suggestions for the layman:  Sacarsm, witty remarks/insults Anecdotes of a humorous, dubious, disgusting, or appalling nature Instigating remarks Unsolicated rants Random movie quotes that may or may not be relevant Chuck Norris facts Crude suggestions/observations Tales of dirty underwear and nose-picking Merciless taunting Annoyance practiced with psychological perfection Strange dichotomies of personality traits Seemingly benevolent actions with underlying malevolence The list is endless...So, in the words of Darkwing Duck, "Let's get dangerous... er... problematic." |
"Maybe not worms, maybe maggots." "I'll agree with that  " "Oh the eagles they fly high in Mobile
Oh the eagles they fly high in Mobile
Oh the eagles they fly high, and they shit right in your eye
It's a good job cows can't fly in Mobile" "An anemic anemone? Too much alliteration? Yeah, that'll do it every time." "Hmm, perhapse flying farm animals might not be apropo...Maybe witches on broomsticks? Or, uh, Non-Kosher hot dogs on a Kosher bun? Oooo, I got one, a one-eyed Albatross and a two-toed Loon!" "I believe that pigs should be allowed to fly just once, then people would stop using them as a sign of impending doom." "Actually, the dictionary is missing altogether. I guess it's sort of a has-been in the electronic age, eh?" "Perhaps it's not so effortless after all? Perhaps it's a teensy-weensy effortfull? I'm going to need a bigger dictionary, this one's missing some words." "Ah, the effortless lie, or lay, or....
" "I always end up having company. I did get a little sleep, though." "Ooh, I just can't resist this. Alone, Ms P, or will you have company?  " "The lack of sleep is starting to catch up with me. I should go to bed early tonight. But, who knows if that will happen." "I had always understood you to be totally, absolutely and completely exhausting, Ms P. That's why us old farts concentrate on under wearing our noses and dirty picking. Much less exhausting" "I heard a story about dirty underwear and nose picking today. Or was it about dirty noses and underwear picking? I guess it depends on the ages of the participants. I've always wanted to be a participant, but I have a fear of joining. I'm a borgophobe." "My 21-year-old friend told me I'm mildly exhausting. He can only do 5-6 days in a row before he needs a night off to catch up on sleep. I find that highly amusing. I'm 38...I haven't needed a day off yet." "Bump" "Me too, I'm tired - very tired. But probably for quite different reasons from you, Ms P. I can only imagine what you've been up to. No, wait a minute - I read your blog; I KNOW what you've been up to. So you're tired, very tired " "I'm curious too. And tired. Very tired. " "Not you, catty, not you; Laa-Laa, the yellow Teletubby who ... wait a minute, you're not moonlighting as a Teletubby, are you, catty? That would account for a lot of bizarre incidents. Okay, come clean - what have you been up to?" "Maybe she was missing and you were her way home?" "Someone was looking for me? I didn't realize I was missing. HMMM?" "Well, that explains a lot. If this is the first day of spring, why is it only 9 degrees Farenheit? This isn't right. I'd like to file a complaint. Last year at this time it was getting up to 80 degrees during the day." "Yes, that's because, in real life, she's really Laa-Laa, the yellow Teletubby with the weird spike on top of her head. Dipsy, Po and Tinky Winky have been looking all over for her, but she's just able to stay one jump ahead of them." "See how she is? Doesn't say hi to the rest of us. Hmmph. She's lucky I'm still experiencing a rush from some great sex or I'd be really upset. lol" "Just stopped by looking for catty...pudding poop Chianti and chocolate hair? I'm outta here" "You can tease me anytime, Grum.  " "A day when there is no opportunity to tease Ms Penguin is a day wasted. Even after she's had some sweetheart throw up in her bed." "The line no one should cross is this: If you can't handle your liquor, don't drink. Especially when you're meeting someone new in a town 45 minutes away and DO NOT throw up in my bed at midnight. Ugh. He was great up until then." "Ah, yes, the fine line. As subtle as the line in the sand drawn when foes meet to do battle. As elusive as that just forgotten line in the Christmas pageant and of course, the line no one should cross..." "A hidden side? I don't think I've hidden much of anything. I've always enjoyed a good spanking. Hard enough to sting, not so hard that it makes me cry. There's a fine line there.  " "I know I have a beautiful voice; others run screaming in horror. Now, Ms P, tell me what constitutes a nice spanking? And you a gentle, peaceable soul - I think a hidden side of you is starting to emerge." "Are you saying you can't sing? Couldn't I just have a nice spanking instead? Please?" "Yes, Ms Penguin, you have been naughty again, and punishment awaits. Now, what to do - boiled in rancid yak fat? No, too expensive. Suspended by your ... ears from a hook in the ceiling? No, too much like hard work. YES, listen to me singing for an hour " "Hello? Anybody home? I was naughty again...I'm so sorry. OH wait, no, I'm not sorry." "I would suck on it and lick it, of course. No biting. " "There is a definite canibalistic tone to your last post, Ms P. Now, what EXACTLY would you do with a human popsicle??" "Mmmm, human popsicles. Sounds wonderful!" "The rumours, Ms Penguin, the rumours. Us guys are hardly delicious, in fact if we're not kept in the fridge, we go off in a matter of a few days. Frozen is better still, then we harden up like human popsicles." "Yup, I admit it. I said they were delicious." "Whipped cream is all right. I can think of a couple places to wrap pasta around. Spaghetti...slurp it off...ok, I'll stop. hehe" "What delicious things can we wrap pasta around on the human body?" "Okay, not a chocolate syrup fan, although it sounds like you do know about that from personal experience . But you neglected to mention whipped cream - with a cherry on top, although even that might be difficult to wash out of your hair." "I don't recommend chocolate syrup. Very very sticky and a bitch to wash out of your hair if they get careless. I've never eaten pasta off of anyone, either. Might be fun!" "Do you speak from personal experience, Ms P or is this just a theory? I hasten to add that I have never eaten pasta off a young woman's body, although it's an interesting speculation." "That would definitely be original. Any yahoo can lick chocolate syrup or whipped cream off a person." "Well, we can make it dirty if you like - eating pasta off a young woman's body, with Parmesan cheese in her navel. Preferably penne or tortellini - spaghetti would get all over the place and probably into places where it's not supposed to go! " "Pasta? I'm confused now. Was that dirty? Part of it sounded dirty. Pasta has me a bit thrown off." "I was reading something about blowing it myself in a book just recently. The whole idea just blows the mind apart from anything else. Still, it makes a change from pasta, particularly as I'm ravenous right now." "I just sneezed 10 times in a row. I could use some help with my nose. Damn, guess I gotta just blow it myself." "So much for the fetuccini al mare; back to the gnocchi amatriciana, I guess. Oh, and just to comply with the guidelines, I've got to wash my dirty undies and stop picking my nose; and I ain't gonna pick anyone else's nose." "yeah, but I think the last crab just went out the door, down the sidewalk and over the sand dune into the ocean." "If you say so. This seemed like a little too much work for a little crab. Wanna make crab salad?" "You know, "Seemingly benevolent actions with underlying malevolence" I GAVE everyone delectable crab to dine upon, but made them WORK for their food! See? Guidlines." "Guidlines??" "Hold still so I can get it off! Stop hopping around. Dammit, catty! Why did you let these things loose in here?" "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH! THEY'RE ALIVE! THEY'RE ALIVE.. NOOOOOOOAHHHHH! CRAB ON THE TOE, CRAB ON THE TOE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" "Ow! Dammit, catty, what is wrong with you? Someone help me catch crabs! Oh, wait. No." "Not nearly Problematic enough for the guidlines listed above. I believe I shall let loose a few crabs which must be caught before they can be cooked. Watch your toes everyone!" "Had to google that. It sounds delicious. I'll toss us a nice mixed-greens salad with veggies and vinaigrette dressing." "Excellent, I completely approve. Now, perhaps a nice pasta dish to go with it - gnocchi amatriciana, I think." "*passes bottle of Chianti* I think there's another bottle here somewhere if we finish this one." "Can we please have a moratorium on pooping. It gets messy, to say nothing of stinky (except mine, which smells like roses) Ahem - wasn't someone offering glasses of Chianti? Any left in the bottle?" "I thought you'd get mad. Isn't that YOUR sandbox, catty? *cleans up poop* Sorry!" "You could have at least used the sand box!!!" "*gets bored and poops in the corner*" "I'm not sure what this is, now that you mention it. I think I'd better wash my hands." "Ms P-are you sure that was pudding? It looks a little too, um, natural. Smells pretty bad too." "*pokes finger into Forgotten's pudding* Oops, sorry!" "Actually, catty, that would be amusing. A picture of that would make me giggle." "Nope, I suppose not. Merry Christmas!" "Purple feather boa draped over neon green leotard with a Pepto Pink tutu. Now put that costume on a bull dog. Did that amuse you?" "I'm bored. Someone amuse me, dammit." "Ugh...I really need to quit drinking. Woke up in a motel room, naked at 2:30 this morning. Had to call the love of my life to come get me and bring me home so I could crawl into my own bed with Jon. My life is insane." "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoooooooaaahhh! Damn that horse has a grip on the bit." "So, *twiddling thumbs* What's new pussycat?" "Yeah, I have this thing about not letting old I&O's die out. I'm like the ghost of IO's passed and I must find them and post in them and bring them back to life! And Chuck Norris is STILL awesome!" "You're welcome, catty. We need to liven this place up. Sheesh." "Why, Thank you Ms P!" "*quickly hands catty a nice Chianti* Calm down!" "Liver is good if it isn't overcooked into shoe leather." "see what I mean outta here" "My ears were ringing. I stumble in here and discover why. Some people can get away with telling me what to do...depending on who it is and what they want. hehe. I've never said no to Jon or Mike, Why would I want to? They're so sexy." "Shure you can BBG! Just leave her a hint that Problematic's old I&O still has a little life left in it!" "Cor, chase me Aunt Fanny round the gasworks!! Thanks, catty - comes of living in Australia, I guess, where everything is upside down. Now I don't get to tell Ms Penguin what to do. Shame  " "Me too, catty. Let's try it on Ms Penguin, seeing as she is so opposed to being told what to do. So, Ms Penguin, I am instructing you to get some sleep tonight and to wake in the morning. And have some breakfast after rising from your bed of dreams." "I watched a vid inevitable Xclass solar flare it WILL knock out our grid, no food, water, gas, communication. Then hubble deep field about the size of the universe.then google trends. top searches?: shopping, Halle Berry's ex punched her boyfriend sigh" "Grum, this I&O lists newest posting from the top, not the bottom... " "I'm sure your jokes are very polished, Ms P " "Or other various dangling parts..." "I wouldn't dare talk about sleeping penguins, they would probably wake up and poke your kneecaps." "I once observed a medium sized dog trying to mate with a siamese cat that was in heat. I was about 11 I think. We thought it was pretty funny. Obviously it never worked out. But still, very funny!" "I gotta confess, I've no idea how penguins do it. Sleep, of course, why what else do you think I was talking about???" "This is pretty silly. Not a word about Dickens, Macguyver, the Duke or Chuck Norris. It's a wash. (and I don't know who farted)" "Who farted?" "So that's what you call your boyfriend, "Happily". Does he like it when you dance around him?" "I once knew this I&O. It was properous for a time, Then I died in it because I burried myself here. Even that didn't help at all. Now that it's Halloween, perhaps I should raise from the dead and become a nuisance to all. Yeah, let's see how that goes." "Only twice? Good heavens, man can't you do better than that? And touching don't count 
" "I'm bored with all this simpleton talk, and can't think of a thing to say. Maybe I should just ask Chuck Norris." "  " "Can someone say something half-way interesting, please?" Total Displayed: 100 |
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