You recoil in horror as the barbarian, between bites of his leg of meat, locks his eyes on you. Your certain he has seen you. How could he though, your so small. He sets down his meat and reaches out at you, picking you up by the shoulder with his greasy finger tips. He brings you in close to his face.
He sure is ugly, his beard is matted, and filled with food bits. He chews with his mouth open, allowing you to see his massive teeth tear and mash his food. He swallows and richly belches, letting you smell just how rank his breath is.
“What is this.” He says in a surprised, booming deep voice. “There is a little man in my dinning hall.” He licks his lips clean.
“Please don’t eat me! For the love of god don’t eat me!” You cry.
“Ha! Eat you?” he laughs, “look at this feat!” he turns you so that you could see his table. A sea of food and drink as far as the eye can see. “You would nay fill my belly!”
The giant barbarian pushes his chair back from the table, opens his legs wide and sets you down in front of his crotch. His loin cloth lay drapped between his massive thaighs. You can see between the folds, between his legs, a dark cave live area. For a moment you imaging what type of –monster- would be lurking in that –cave-
“Tell me, little man” the barbarian booms. “How have you come to my house” He has resumed eating, a massive leg of mutton. Bent down he cranes to hear you, raining down flecks of saliva and mutton juice.
“I don’t know dude. I just kinda, showed up here. One moment I was home, and then I was here, on your floor. I don’t even know what time this is. When I saw you I thought you were going to eat me—“ Your interrupted by the giant, he lifts up his buttocks, and a thunderously deep, and wet fart gusts its way from the giants nether regions, washing over you like an ocean wave of stench.
“Bro…” you revolt, waving your hand in frotn of your face, in a vain attempt to dissipate the smell. You had guessed this guy was a barbarian from the looks of him, but you didn’t know just how nasty he could be.
“Go on, I was listning.” He doenst seem to think that he’s done anything wrong.
“Bro… dude… you don’t just rip a fart when someone’s talking. Let alone when there standing right infront of your giant asshole.” You say
The giant pauses for a moment, then lets out a belly laugh.
“Whats so funny dude. It reeked.”
“Are you a man?” The barbarian asks?
“Yeah, what do I look like.”
“I only ask, because, you must come from a very different land, for a man to be so over come by such a small burst of gas” He laughs again. “Such fun and merriment could be had, if this is how you react to something as common as a fart.”
“Dude.. come on.. I don’t want to be anyones source of “fun and merriment.”
“No! It has been so long since Ive had a good laugh from a simple fart I must …”
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